The one thing I have learned - and it came as a sudden shock one day - is that forgetting the deceased is the most horrible part.

I was in my freshman year in college, first semester, when I realized I no longer remembered what my paternal grandmother looked like. I couldn't remember the sound of her voice. All I could remember was that she had accidentally broken my Hamburglar glass one day, and she was very apologetic about it. Some 12 years after her death, I suddenly felt the grief of her passing all over again. From that point on, I went out of my way to honor her memory by learning about her Irish roots - history, music, genealogy....I made sure I could never forget her again.

There's a book called 'Necessary Losses' by Judith Viorst.

She's done some childrens books but this is not one of them.

Its really about change.

I read it during my divorce, and found so much comfort in it. Its also about dealing with death.

Give yourself permission to morn in your own time and your own way...Your are the ONLY one who feels like YOU feel, you are unique, the love you and Rick shared is unique...What you are doing right now, to me, is a sign of healing, reaching out...Don't resist the feelings you are experiencing...

I do imagine that...I guess I believe that ignorance is bliss...

Never having held in my hands the happiness I experienced with him would allow me to still be happy in my ignorance. Stupid I know. While I cherish and treasure each and every minute we got to spend together, those moments are too close to my heart and hurtfull right now. I pray that folks who tell me time heals all wounds are correct, I just wish time would fly by in an instant.

I personally tell myself..."Don't cry cause the song is over...Smile cause you got to dance"

It ain't always easy but, it can done.

Kruppa, I too believe this statement, but this is where I am having trouble. I know Rick would want me to be happy, living life to the fullest, and letting no one hurt me. But my catch 22 is that everything in the past four years that brought me my greatest joy was something we did together. I am not sure I know how to find that again without him. I know I have to re-learn this stuff. I love hockey, yet every time I have gone to watch a game I am always looking for him over by the penality box. Every tv program we watched together brings tears to my eyes. What is the point of comming up with a witty comeback, a gracefull slap-stick stumble or a side splitting joke if he is not here to share it with? And yet, I am also hurting that I have let him down by still being sad. Again I am a disapointment to someone. OP I wish I could help or offer a suggestion, but right now I am in the same boat.

Unfortunatly in this society we live in, grieving = loss and loss = not being worthy. It is almost like being an untouchable in other countries. Shunned and even more alone with nothing but thoughts of your lost loved one. People tell me, get out, socialize, do something. Who has the time or money these days? I sure do not. So what now? Picnic at the park feeding the geese? Great, a romantic picnic without your loved one with you. (LOOSER) How about a comedic movie? Sitting all alone and no one to elbow when the jokes are too lame. (Looser sitting alone in a theatre, where is the long raincoat?) Volunteer at a retirement home,read to the elderly. ( Sure and get attached to someone else that will leave you when they die?) Hell I can't even go to the grocery store without thinking of Rick. His favorite foods or the ornery things we did while shopping. Shoot, I can't even be in the frozen foods section without crying. People think I am nutz. God if only there was a switch to turn this emotional stuff off I would be eternally gratefull.

So untill that switch flipps off of its own accord, I mingle, do my school work and work till I fall asleep in my chair.

In three years I lost 14 family and friends to death..some were a natural process of living, some were taken way to young. I still grieve for them..still ask all the usual questions, why did it happen? Why am I still here when they were taken. The only way it makes any sense is to believe that their lives weren't in vain..they were here for a reason. Each one of us has something to give another person. We may not know what it is at the time, but we all affect the people we come in contact with. For me, I'm learning to appreciate each day I have with someone, to thank God that they are still in my life. The hardest thing was learning to laugh again. I try now to laugh everyday, to hug the people around me and to tell them I love them, unconditionally.

it's been 8yrs since i lost my father and nephew within 2weeks...
I never get over it, it only become tolerable for me now.

Yes, there is life after death for those left behind.....My father passed on August 25th this year ...three months ago.....He was 90 so of course that makes it easier to understand and accept, he lived a long, productive, happy life...Was my relationship with my dad perfect?...No...Was it positive?...Yes, very...
His death is not a ball and chain that drags me down, for me that would be an invalidation of his life..When he was living, he built a platform just for me. Every single day something triggers a memory, a thought, or a feeling that I can relate to my dad...Every day the platform he built for me becomes a little stronger, a little higher, a little better...Thank you daddy....

When I lose the people I love, I try to celebrate their life rather than morn their death. I believe, that, everyone I have loved and lost lives on through me and the happy memories we shared. The beauty of their life always over shadows their death for me.

Just my take on it doll.....


This one life we got is to be lived and enjoyed right now. We will all deal with death and what comes after later on. That book you are reading honestly sounds depressing.

Every last one of us has loved and lost BabyDoll. The question becomes, do we cling to a ship that has sunk or do we make a consious effort to live today to it's fullest without the past dragging us down?

I don't know for a fact but, I sincerely believe that the dead would want us to enjoy our lives as much as we can.

I loved and lost 34 years ago. You never get over it but it becomes tolerable.

Takes a while to get use to it. I'm not sure I'm use to it yet.

Death is a tough thing to deal with. I do believe in the after life.

Sorry for your loses. I know these feelings all to well. I've learned that life here is just part of the whole picture and there are many chapters to the process. Looks like your learning a lot these days, life, love. Glad you have chosen us as part of your family.

So I started this new book by Danielle Steel. I would like some feed back on anyone who reads this author often. I have read two or three previous books on her and I see a trend. She seems to repeat herself over and over about a subject. I am beginning to feel that her books are targeted to gifted (special) people. Anybody?

Steph and I are both sluts b/c I can't choose which one either. When she's with Joe I'm all "What's your problem?!? Take him and those choco eyes in the room and make and honest man out of him!" But then Ranger looks at her from under his lashes with that non-smile, says "babe"...ahh, I jump ship and yell at her to jump him!