wow. that guy really turned out to be a tool. this was a long time ago and i've once again given up on finding the right guy.....

you make a very good point.

ok. now that i have a minute. that's the thing. about being jaded. i've been jaded a lot for the past several years. i never was able to trust a man. always kept my heart tucked away and not wanting to let it go. afraid of being hurt again. last time i was hurt, i actually was the one doing the hurting. i was the one that left. but i think that made the decision that much more difficult. so this time, when i finally DID have trust in someone and let little pieces of my heart out at a time, it just really stinks to find out they were not what i thought. as for my everything, you hit the nail right on the head with the way you described that. i did put everything i had in to the relationship. as for priority, well i have children. no one takes priority over them, but i balanced it very well. as good as a person possibly could. and you're right. i do not have regrets. i did nothing wrong. you're absolutely right. it's not my fault at all. fortunately, i'm a very open minded person and i can see and admit when i DID in fact do something wrong. but this time, i'm not the one. you have a good way of putting your thoughts down in words. thank you for that.

now to reply to the post before yours from crystel. i also agree with you. i won't be carrying the negative energy with me. and these forums ARE a good way to get it out. i won't be bogging my friends down talking about this guy over and over and they won't get sick of it (or my family). most people will see me in the real world and know that i am dealing with this quite well. i am hurt and i won't lie about that. but at the same time, we were together for five months, not five years. it won't take that much time to heal. there are positive things that have come out of this whole situation. i have learned after all these years that it is possible for me to let my heart go and trust in someone. the odds that i'll get played again are slim. i have learned that i am capable of giving it my all and really going for it. i also learned not to get my children involved with someone so quickly. my older two understand. but my 9 year old, well he's going to miss this guy. but he loves his mom more than any man and just wants me happy i am sure of that.

i guess the biggest thing of all of this, though, is that i don't need a man in my life. i have proven that to myself over and over. there are so many things that women can do for themselves and really make it in the world. but i really WANT the right one. so when i thought i found him finally, that's what hurts the most i think. but as you said... there are so many lovely men out there to meet! and as a matter of fact, i have some nerve damage in my neck right now and can't do a whole lot, but as soon as i get that cleared up, i already am going to get back out there and date. i have more confidence now that i am able to give to a man what he deserves. another positive out of this whole situation. i am capable! thank God!

thanks to all for your replies. the insight and unbiased opinions are really appreciated!

i love everything you say. i'm in a hurry right now ready to take the kids to school, but i'll write more later. i just wanted to say one thing. he was a younger guy. and that could have a whole lot to do with it. unfortunately. i'm not trying to stereotype. it's just the whole worldly experience thing. i'll write more later on this.

he wasn't married or seeing someone else. he lied about other things. and honestly, i think in the beginning, he might have just wanted in my pants. i didn't let him in them, then he actually LIKED me and couldn't take the lies back that he told in the first place to impress me. does that make sense?

you might just be right. i do believe that every closed door opens a new one or two or three. i wasn't with him that long. i'll get over it quickly. my kids will, too. they love their MOM more than any man. so naturally, they just want me to be happy. thank God they are great kids. too bad for them i made the mistake of letting them get involved too soon. and believe me, i've built plenty of character ;)

this part... i actually DID run the criminal background on him. and i already explained in a previous post that i didn't mean it that way that he was my "everything." i was using that as a figure of speech. i knew him long enough to get close. i guess the thing i'm trying to portray here is the fact that i usually am a very good judge or character. i usually can TELL if someone is lying to me. or stretching the truth or any of that. but like you said, there ARE those wolves in sheep's clothing. i agree with you 100%. but i did do that criminal background before he even knew where i live. i never invite someone to my house unless i do that first. but then, also like you said, they could completely recreate a new life, change their name and everything and their slate could be clean. i mean, i doubt seriously that's the norm, though. and he wasn't the only person i have dated in the past seven years. i've dated plenty of people. not plenty of people have been "involved in my life" though. see what i mean? i'm horrible with words. i don't think five months is moving too fast, either. we weren't living together or anything like that. i think timing is entirely up to the situation and the couple. although i have never experienced it, i believe in love at first sight. in this situation, i was pretty much following his lead. going by HIS timing. though i might have felt stronger feelings for him after i started getting to know him better. and as for lust, it wasn't that. you'll just have to believe me when i say that i know it wasn't that. some things are just too personal to type out in public. which may actually make it harder to understand this whole posting.
but you make good points. very good ones.

i can see how you took that that way, but i didn't really mean it like that. i have children and am involved in their lives a great deal. i have my own life as well. i just meant as far as a partner goes. he was my equal. my best friend. or so i thought. i do still have my own life.
i just don't want to have my own life alone.
seven years is long enough to do it alone.
i'm ready now for a good one.
(this is in response to the don't make a man your everything)

there MUST be decent ones out there. yeah, i'm 36 and divorced, but i'm not one of those women that hate men. i've been divorced for like ten years now. i'm over it. i don't hold grudges. i KNOW all men aren't the same. i give every person i ever date their own fair chance.
it just sucks.
i sincerely do not want to be alone forever. but at the same time, i have a huuuuuge heart and i am a good girl. i want a guy who deserves me. you know what i mean? i don't mean that to sound cocky or anything like that at all. i just want someone who gives the same way i do... friendship-wise.

i don't want to cry. i really want to move on and try again. i just don't want to be played again.

I have. Just recently. I dated a man for five months. I thought he was my everything. I have not given my heart away to anyone for seven years before this person. I really LIKED him as well as loved him. He met my children, they loved him. He was INVOLVED with our lives. It turns out, he lied to me all along. I won't go in to details too awfully much, but I gave my heart to this guy just to get crushed. I did everything by the book with this person. I didn't move too fast, I didn't smother, I didn't ignore. We laughed TONS. I gave him control when he needed it (which sorry guys but I realize most of you men like that control factor). I thought everything was perfect.

And it turned out he lied to me.
And crushed me.

And how in the world, after seven years of hiding my heart away and finally letting it go again, do I learn to trust someone again after that? I THOUGHT it was perfect. And I was wrong. So how do I know when it really is right?

I was played.
Opinions and advice are appreciated.
I'm crushed.

On second thought, maybe you should just go ahead and take her to the E.R. You can always get a hold of your doctor tomorrow, but for now, maybe you should go ahead and have her checked out. Just to be safe.

i have three children. yes, all of them had fevers while teething. It's NORMAL.
What you do is give them one dose of tylenol and then one dose of motrin. That should bring it down, but if not, one more dose tylenol one more motrin. You don't want to overdo the medication.
But keep an eye on her fever. IF it reaches 102, take her to the emergency room. OR IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD, GO AHEAD AND TAKE HER. It is better to be safe. ;)

I'm not a doctor or anything, but that's what the doctors told me to do when all three of mine were babies.
Hope that helps.

it is necessary to "fall forward" to make it in ANY area of your life. if you're making the same mistakes, there's a problem. but we MUST make mistakes to learn. as long as we "fall forward" (learn from our mistakes) instead of "falling back" life is good.

School of Rock

been looking for things to do in the winter time. there are mass antique shops in town here by where i live. what a great idea!! i LOVE antiques. everything in my house is antique. and if a guy can put up with THAT, he is a pretty cool guy.

almost all of them. however, there's this one old couple that has called the police on every single other person in the neighborhood at one point or another. they got me, too. my dog was outside barking in the middle of the day. the man came tromping through my yard, pounding on my door, ringing the doorbell over and over and the direct t.v. guy who was here installing my direct t.v. was watching the whole thing. anyway, i answered the door and he was like, "WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR ****ING DOG UP?!" so i was like well the direct t.v. guy is here. and he was like "WELL I'LL JUST CALL THE MOTHER ****ING POLICE THEN!!!" on his way out, the direct t.v. guy told him he didn't need to get so nasty with me. so the police came, i told them the story and they were like, "there is no law against your dog being out there barking in the middle of the day. even if he was out barking in the middle of the night it would just be a knock on your door and we'd ask you to please quiet him." and so i was like well i don't want this guy tromping through my yard and i don't want to feel threatened at my own home. - I'M SINGLE AND THEY KNOW IT - DUH! anyway. the cop was like, well we'll talk to them. and i heard the cop talking to them and he was like, look, you're lame. shut up. we're leaving. and leave her alone.

so yeah.
old bitter people with nothing better to do with their lives.
but everyone else that lives around me is pretty awesome.

now that is funny.

i would hope that it would be understood that it would only be window shopping ;)

I don't mind the malls lol.. just could use some more cash if we are going shopping.

hahaha i know! it makes me want to go put it in my profile right now.

i like the shopping mall idea.
but how keen are guys on that?