I have. Just recently. I dated a man for five months. I thought he was my everything. I have not given my heart away to anyone for seven years before this person. I really LIKED him as well as loved him. He met my children, they loved him. He was INVOLVED with our lives. It turns out, he lied to me all along. I won't go in to details too awfully much, but I gave my heart to this guy just to get crushed. I did everything by the book with this person. I didn't move too fast, I didn't smother, I didn't ignore. We laughed TONS. I gave him control when he needed it (which sorry guys but I realize most of you men like that control factor). I thought everything was perfect.

And it turned out he lied to me.
And crushed me.

And how in the world, after seven years of hiding my heart away and finally letting it go again, do I learn to trust someone again after that? I THOUGHT it was perfect. And I was wrong. So how do I know when it really is right?

I was played.
Opinions and advice are appreciated.
I'm crushed.

Yep been played, as for how to tell, some of them are pretty slick. Just try try again.

Men suck sweetie. That's all that I can say. I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO idea where the decent one's ran off to.

That is such a general statement.

sooner or later everybody gets played

it happens

learn from it

Never make someone your "everything"... you lose yourself in the process.

Show me just ONE THAT DOESN'T. Please, pretty please.

Texas

there MUST be decent ones out there. yeah, i'm 36 and divorced, but i'm not one of those women that hate men. i've been divorced for like ten years now. i'm over it. i don't hold grudges. i KNOW all men aren't the same. i give every person i ever date their own fair chance.
it just sucks.
i sincerely do not want to be alone forever. but at the same time, i have a huuuuuge heart and i am a good girl. i want a guy who deserves me. you know what i mean? i don't mean that to sound cocky or anything like that at all. i just want someone who gives the same way i do... friendship-wise.

i don't want to cry. i really want to move on and try again. i just don't want to be played again.

best advice I've heard...well said

Eva so true!

Texas you say??????? Here I come! lol

i can see how you took that that way, but i didn't really mean it like that. i have children and am involved in their lives a great deal. i have my own life as well. i just meant as far as a partner goes. he was my equal. my best friend. or so i thought. i do still have my own life.
i just don't want to have my own life alone.
seven years is long enough to do it alone.
i'm ready now for a good one.
(this is in response to the don't make a man your everything)

Thank you.

He was your ‘everything’ after only 5 months? To me, that is moving too fast!

I can see where you would be smitten, and in lust after 5 months, but to say 'he was my everything'?

It seems you got away clean because worse things can happen!

In today's lying, cheating, unethical world, one person can't possibly know enough about another person in 5 months -- especially if you have children! I am not a parent so I am stepping into an unknown here, but kids shouldn't be a part of their parent's dating life for a year (ish). Maybe after a background/criminal check you can introduce the family. I've seen so many parents duped by who they are dating in terms of criminal records after they break up. I only know this because my summer internship is for a police department. Sexual assault upon minors is the worst thing a few broken hearts realized AFTER the break up! I have to take reports and assist in filing restraining orders.

Just be careful and take it slow. In the worst case scenario, find out if the person has a criminal past for yourself as well as for your kids.

I know this is majorly extreme, but think of John List and Dennis Radar (BTK killer) when you first meet someone. Both were killers and created a new life for themselves for 20 or more years before their past caught up with them! John List slaughtered his family and then walked away. Both men part of their church! These are prime examples of wolves in sheep’s clothing and how easy it is for people to reinvent themselves.

I wish you well in healing your heart.

After 7 years of waiting to fall in love, I am sure this is a crashing blow. Not everyone is deceitful, but keep your eyes wide open and take it sloooow!

I know you don't want to go into details, but I wonder WHY he did what he did. I mean, he was obviously so involved and really "there", so what did he get out of hurting and "playing" you? And FOR SO LONG!! Were you convenient until the real one came along for him? Was he married? Dating other women besides you? And if married or dating others, where'd he find the time to play you?
I've been played but not for that long. That is such a shame because it does make you even more scared and wary of the next man.

Do you ever think that life works that way.It's not just people..nothing in life is a gaurentee!That's how we build character..when things don't go as planned..it helps us to define who we are by how we handel that situation.
Players may be a blessing in disguise!

Very good post here. The only thing I can add is, don't kick yourself too hard for someone else being such a creep. It's NOT YOUR FAULT. HE did this. Not you. These kind of ppl are out there. We all have to be carefull.

this part... i actually DID run the criminal background on him. and i already explained in a previous post that i didn't mean it that way that he was my "everything." i was using that as a figure of speech. i knew him long enough to get close. i guess the thing i'm trying to portray here is the fact that i usually am a very good judge or character. i usually can TELL if someone is lying to me. or stretching the truth or any of that. but like you said, there ARE those wolves in sheep's clothing. i agree with you 100%. but i did do that criminal background before he even knew where i live. i never invite someone to my house unless i do that first. but then, also like you said, they could completely recreate a new life, change their name and everything and their slate could be clean. i mean, i doubt seriously that's the norm, though. and he wasn't the only person i have dated in the past seven years. i've dated plenty of people. not plenty of people have been "involved in my life" though. see what i mean? i'm horrible with words. i don't think five months is moving too fast, either. we weren't living together or anything like that. i think timing is entirely up to the situation and the couple. although i have never experienced it, i believe in love at first sight. in this situation, i was pretty much following his lead. going by HIS timing. though i might have felt stronger feelings for him after i started getting to know him better. and as for lust, it wasn't that. you'll just have to believe me when i say that i know it wasn't that. some things are just too personal to type out in public. which may actually make it harder to understand this whole posting.
but you make good points. very good ones.

you might just be right. i do believe that every closed door opens a new one or two or three. i wasn't with him that long. i'll get over it quickly. my kids will, too. they love their MOM more than any man. so naturally, they just want me to be happy. thank God they are great kids. too bad for them i made the mistake of letting them get involved too soon. and believe me, i've built plenty of character ;)