like it alot!!

way funny sh-t

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they Understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and Gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything Neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile.

Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to All the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!" I was just bursting with pride for them.

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A six-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE F*CKIN' DEAD!

****Something to remember next time your in Mexico****

Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico ..
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning.. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to sav e you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites,inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si,Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation, ...no one wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims,.... "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!" There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, .... "Screw the Preacher!"

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge asked her why she had stolen them, and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six".
The judge then said, "I will give you six days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge answered, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

Welcome!

892 views.... lmao... thats a good one!!

I am thankful and it tickles me all kinds of pink that we all have the freedom to express ourselves no matter our dispositions, judgements,evolutional beliefs,etc...and its free!
All kinds of light shedding here!
keeping it real
Jodie

welcome Cindie
HOW DO YOU LIKE JSH THUS FAR?

Outstanding! Great vibe to promote this happy sunday morning ...waite I believe my toe is tapping....gotta go wanna dance....
Thank you it was the posetive energy I needed!

restless

no >>> disclaims

obvious

Catches up with you,then passes you by.
Confident answers end with question why,
You waited so long to greet your intention?
Lost in an instant, you missed the conection.
When reality walked on dream paved streets,
A wearing of time justifies soul-less feet?
Where you chose to begin reaches dead end,
You ve walked around but never within,
The boundries of securable expectations.
Unite with the stranger who disclaims your past destinations.

absolutely wonderful!

Bravo!!
well written

Happy friday! Does anybody out there (South Bay Area CA)like to play darts?

Thank you for making me feel welcome.Hope everyone is having agreat friday and will have an even better weekend!!