Thanks, Lex. That's actually a really interesting idea. Several of them, really.

Howdy, Biker! Good to hear from you. Hope the new year is treating you well, young as she is.

Sorry, that came out a little harsh. To your credit, you are correct in the issue that I did pick some "winners", but I did not, in fact, mention any physical characteristics.

The point is more of a question of lines. Example: I don't respond to people without pictures. Not because I want to see the bod (people never look like their pics) but because no pic = fraud in my mind. So why would a certain body type = good in my mind when I have ample examples to prove that action and body type are rarely related?

*laughs* sorry for not answering, gypsy - I was at work. Hmmm... I don't see how remarking that the ones I picked were poor choices is an instinctive label - nor did I think I said "All the cute ones were idiots". Believe me, I've picked my share of dumb, large people too.

It's not your depth I couldn't answer, it's your lack of ability to read what I said. As a person who recommends not labeling, perhaps you ought to assume that blanket answers are not getting anyone anywhere.

Been a while since I posted a thread here, but I was thinking about some things lately and wanted some advice.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called Sleep Apnea, something I was aware of a bit before that. While the details of the condition are irrelevant, one of the effects is that it shuts down your metabolism - it mimics the sudden weight gain often associated with things like liver damage and diabetes.

Oddly, because of this I noticed something. All of us have become liars. I see hundreds of accounts where we all talk about looks not being the important part and wanting various and sundry mental/emotional capabilities, but in the end people ignore those elements completely in favor of looks.

Now, even I used to do that to some extent. I ended up with a lot of crazy, codependent women with nice tits and no brains and I chose them over the vastly more intelligent, interesting women. I've isolated that to three things. 1) I have a protector impulse - I like riding to the rescue. 2) I have some self-image issues that make it hard for me to accept rejection as gracefully as some people do. And 3) I appear to have a weakness for certain body types over others.

What I'm curious about is why I have that last issue. I'm an intelligent person. I've dated a lot of people, many of whom did not meet my physical desires. I've come to see where people are unique and interesting. Why should a part of me still be constrained by a certain ideal of beauty?

Ladies, I'd love your input on this as well, as I see the same issue exists on both sides of the gender line. I'm curious how people handle it and if it's something people have developed work-arounds for.

Hey, it can also be a hell of an accomplishment - not many people really value conversation. But there are also some congratulations in order just because it is an accomplishment to make a connection with someone else, no matter how brief or where it goes.

Ok, that I can agree with. But then, I love to talk. Does it show?

Would it perhaps be impolite of me to say that I am still friends with the ones who weren't trying to manipulate me during our relationship? No, that sounds ok, I think. I was ABOUT to say I'm only friends with the ones who aren't arsebags, which might have been less politic.

Most people are. Truth is, English (and many other languages) is designed around the idea of words having subjective meanings. Love is at once the most overused and the most underused term in our language.

In some languages, Love only means "Romantic Love between two partners". In English, it can mean that, or love of family. Or strength of friendship. We use the romantic definition too much, and often don't express love for those things we cherish anywhere near enough.

Our own views of love will change, because our view of the word is subjective. I think once, long ago, I could have loved at first sight. These days, I'm just not trusting enough to believe what I see at first glance is real.

I'm a trenchcoat kind of guy, and not a small one. On one date I started doing "magic tricks" - making roses appear out of thin air (or rather, my coat) and appearing on chairs, or next to her glass, wherever seemed appropriate. I even presented a few directly. 22 of them in all. The looks she gave me from about the 6th rose on were well worth the lacerations from the thorns

That's funny. Someone claimed she had done one on me, once. Obviously, the effect wasn't as lasting as she'd have like to believe.

Besides, I find women have better innate spells than magic (or however you choose to spell it) really has access to.

Microsoft isn't doing anyone any harm by not releasing DX10 for XP. Most of the major game houses have halted production for DX 10, stating quite correctly that it doesn't do anything well, is harder to code for, wastes resources, and the only benefit of it is it allows a few more shaders.

Take heart. All they're doing by not releasing it for XP is nailing on DX10's coffin lid the same way they're hammering away at Vista's.

Actually, I just reread that one. It does give a company name - but no location or contact info. But you get the idea. If you got lucky and it was a company, you're get a company name, but not where they are.

You can if they sent you a letter to a mail service that records them - or if you had admin access to this site and it logs IPs.

But totage's point is well made - and not just because IPs can be spoofed. There are easy ways to reverse and find the actual broadcast IP if - again - you work for the network. You might get lucky and be able to do it without admin access. But IPs no longer corrospond to any real-world locations. Ex: I recently did a job for a major network provisioning addresses. We provisioned all over the country from single /24 ranges (formerly known as "Class C"). There might be a loose collection of IPs, usually /8 ranges (Class A), associated with each nation - but even those aren't sacrosanct.

If this were 1996, I'd say sure and even trace the person for you. Best you can do today is find out what ISP the IP corrosponds to - and then only if they send you a real email.

Incidentally, if you can get an external email from the person, get the extended header, find the sending IP, then go to DNSstuff dot com. Or ARIN (American Registry for Internet Names) and use the whois lookup feature on the IP. It whould look like this for DNSstuff:



AT&T Internet Services SBCIS-SIS80 (NET-64-160-0-0-1)
64.160.0.0 - 64.175.255.255
Waters Moving & Storage SBCIS-101226-125431 (NET-64-172-8-184-1)
64.172.8.184 - 64.172.8.191

# ARIN WHOIS database, last updated 2007-11-12 19:10
# Enter ? for additional hints on searching ARIN's WHOIS database.

*Note* You'd still have to contact AT&T's abuse department to find out who that was.

It's not that hard to understand, dude. Everyone here is speaking from three things - history's perspective, the odds, and their own fears/limits.

A note on reading people that might help you here - because I completely agree with unsure as to the potential motivation of your ex's girlfriends. Look back over each statement here. What you're reading from all of us isn't just our words - it's a strong clue into the character of each of us.

I'm a risk-taker. Unsure is a pragmatist (refreshingly so, in fact) with a good handle on the odds. A lot of people on here are just making snap judgements based most likely on their own failures.

It sounds to me like you've made a decision - and I don't suggest you buck that decision. I will admit, it's not the decision I'd make. But I do recommend that you really examine that decision and all of the potential motivation you see here.

Truth is, regardless of how impressive this woman is to you - she is but human, just like you. Every disguised emotio0n you've seen here - rage, jealousy, resignation, capitulation, anger, hope, trust, and love - could easilly be elements of her persona you are willing to ignore for the sake of positive aspects.

I do deny one assertion. I think anyone who forces or expends energy in "getting over someone" is at best repressing their feelings. It takes energy to latch on to something. It takes peace and relaxation to let something go.

Probably my last 2 cents on this subject, but keep in mind that the decision you make today isn't the one you have to hang onto forever. But I do urge either confronting the issue or moving on. if you respect yourself, don't just wait for her. The one thing I can say with absolute certainty is that she is not coming back on her own. Ever. You can either take direct action, or give up. The middle ground is you wait, alone, for a very long time. years, if ever.

Good luck.

Like I said, the overwhelming position you're going to find is the "move on" theory. Keep in mind, I'm not saying you have to go with my suggestion, either. Keep it impartial and make a choice. Either say something or don't - but do it because you choose the path, not because the path chooses you.

And, bottom line, don't let us affect what you do. That's what personal choice is all about. I especially think unsure's point is an important one to examine. Be sure of your motivation before you take action.

Up to this point I've been willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that your impression of things is valid. I notice a lot of other posts are pretty much just the canned "find another fish in that big, wide sea" crap - and if you're anything like me, a bunch of formulaic propaganda is not what you're looking for.

So how about some questions? Btw, don't answer them to me - answer them to yourself. I don't need to know.

1) Why do you want her back? Really consider that one, hard.
2) What do you know, objectively, about her current relationship?
3) In what manner do you really see some quality you have as superior?
4) Would she feel the same?
5) Does she still even care about you, or has she moved on?
6) If she does still want you, do you want to say something?

These are all points to consider objectively. But most importantly, do not accept other people's negative impressions. Just because something didn't work for them or because they never had the courage to try it with someone who really mattered to them is no excuse for you to do the same. Who knows? You might succeed. It takes all kinds.

I'm not suggesting that you "come between them". But as an older person looking back on it all. The only things in life we regret are the things we don't say, or don't do.

Let me ask it a different way. Do you want to be her frind, or do you want her? Which risk is greater? Saying what you need to say and trusting her to respect that - whatever her decision is - or not saying it and DEFENITELY losing any chance for the outcome you want?

And I don't deny FallinAngel82's assertion - the most likely thing to happen right now is that she will either scorn what you say, or shrug it off, or whatnot. Speaking as a tactician, you're not playing for this battle - you're playing for the endgame. Put the seed in now. The worst that happens is she says no and doesn't talk to you for a while - unless she really doesn't care about you, in which case you're no worse off for making the attempt.

People have this odd idea of proprietary rights when it comes to dating. That you shouldn't step up and say your piece because it might influence the other person. But how often is that other person secretly waiting for the dimwit who's being noble to say something? More often than you think.

People convince themselves that the choices they give up are better than the choices they make. How much better it is for the other person - irrespective of the potential for mutual happiness. But it's all reason and horseturds - a justification for a simple failure to act.

Speaking as a man older than you who already made the mistake, speak up, son. Don't take my "noble" road. Don't let her be a regret. Let it be dealt with, one way or the other.

I'd like to make a slightly different point than has been, but I would like to say first that this suggested course really depends on how ballsy you're feeling (and I figure USAF training probably provides a few more than the standard pair most guys get).

I'm a firm believer in logic. I made a similar mistake in my HS and post-HS experience. I went years trying to be the lady's friend and never having things work. After 10 years I finally got everything off my chest and we got back together - disasterously so, because time and distance had made too many changes.

What I would urge you to do is not make my mistake. Lay your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel, what you want, and that you believe your earlier decision was a mistake. Honesty is your only weapon in this.

The important part is that you need to say everything. Jen and I spent so much time trying to forgive eachother and not saying the things wee needed to - or saying them unclearly - and it led to blowing the second chance. If there's anything I regret more than screwing up the first time, it's screwing up the second one.

And this solution is not without risk. You may lose even her friendship. But it's better than leaving it all unspoken in the long run, believe me.

Whether my advice helps or not, good luck in your endevor.

As for the situation, I think spider's last comment was half right. It's great that Congress has the science now, but I think the American people need to know it, too. Or, more aptly, the planetary population needs to know. The only way I can see for issues like global warming to be taken seriously is for popular interest in these issues to be fostered. People need to know how bad things can and likely will get.

Also keep in mind that the majority of Sr. Politicians are rich people from often ultrarich families. These are people who see wielding power as being worth the equivellant of 10 people's entire working careers to buy a mere 2-4 years of. "Let them eat cake" is certainly a phrase NY is familliar with from our former Governor Pataki. They are affraid of making changes related to preparing for a global climate shift, and likely won't unless we get off our butts and get them out of office. People also need to be aware how increased virulence of bacteria will likely affect them both in terms of health AND finance.

I am starting to get that idea, voileazur. I thank your timely intervention and explaination.

Hmmm... I missed that post. I can see how such a thing might lend itself to being taken badly. I'd like to apologise to Spider and Invisible at the outset - because I'm about to make a point neither will like.

Nevertheless, I feel obliged to point out that it wasn't spider I thought was the lunatic when I showed up here. I assumed Invisible was just another one of those 12-year-old mental patients who can't get through an arguement without name-calling and temper-tantrums. Then I noticed they had a history of fighting, but by then, damage was done. The first impressions had stuck.

Consider this a lesson in letting your emotions get the better of you in a debate. Spider looked like a normal if patronizing guy expressing his views. Invisible just looked crazy. I gather both have been on edge lately, but that doesn't change the fact that I, as a bystander, am more likely to listen to Spider's arguements than Invisible's for what is likely to be no good reason other than Spider taking advantage of the language, and Invisible being trapped by the arguement.