Thought some af the ladies might like these

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.




E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.




ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.






P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.





D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.





F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.





M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "




BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,duration, and credit limit of spending spree.




J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.





A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.





N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

AAHHHH im sorry darlin,its all in good fun

(1) Zero Gravity

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered
that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To fix this
problem,
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that
writes in
zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and
at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying
them.

(2) Our Constitution

"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
we
just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
and it's
worked for over 200 years. And, we're not using it anymore."

(3) Ten Commandments

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou ! Shalt Not Steal,"
"Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a
building full of lawyers, judges and politicians .

It creates a hostile work environment.

I agree,i always had a good relationship with my dad,but he died suddenly and ive always wanted at least 5 more minutes to make sure he knew i loved him and what he really meant to me

unintentional weight loos is a symptom of emphysema,im not exactly sure why,but if you would like some web sites to check out just message me and ill get a list together

Send some of that snow my way!!

Yo mommas so fat her belt size is Earth

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......Today you voted."

has a crush on Ronnie

If you post,they will come

Only looks at the pictures

thats a rumor i dont mind

OK is that another mcdonalds crack?? LOL

I would save ya first,then of course i would have something smartass to say

wow,everybody pick on the paramedic

thats really hard on my white shirts too

OUCH!!

really drives a ford when noones looking

<<<< backs out slowly