Well I was looking at the other posts to find something similar to my situation, but was dissatisfied with what i had found so I decided to post one of my own. I figure some of ya'll might have similar experiences that you can share and how things worked out for you.

Here's the deal. I am separated and am on my way to divorce with one child between us. she is now 1 year old. Recently my little girl's mother starts telling me that she wants me to stop giving her the checks I have been writing to her for my daughter's monthly support. She says to instead open up a savings account. In a nutshell that will make it look as if I will be neglecting my obligations and being greedy by keeping my money. That's the way I see it anyway and I thoroughly believe the courts will see it the same way.

Another peice of the puzzle is she has been saying that I am a worthless father and a peice of s***. She says that she will try to take full custody, prove me as an unfit parent, and doesn't want me in my daughter's life. It's hard for me to understand this line of thinking because I have always been there for my daughter physically and financially. I always pay support, buy what she needs, pick her up whenever I can to spend time, and whatever else I can do for her. I don't do drugs, I'm not an excessive drinker, and I'm not in trouble with the law in any way. About the only marks I have against me is a DWI from almost three years ago and much less than $10,000 in debt. How am I unfit?

i guess the only thing i can say is..... she a nut case

if she wants to be like that and take you to court, then a sure way to make you look bad is to say you aren't supporting the child. If she wants the money to go into a savings account, then she can do that on her own.

She sounds like an unhappy woman (for whatever reason) and lashing out at you. The only person that will be hurt in this is your daughter.

So all actions you take, do it for your daughter.

Don't stop sending checks. Let the mother do whatever with it, but at least you will have proof that you are paying. Get bank orders or something to show the money is being withdrawn even if she doesn't cash it.

When you go to court, have the money sent through the child support system to be safe.

yeah i definitly want to set that up. i need to figure something out. as for her lashing out i don't know what her deal is. i've always tried to treat her with respect and love, which i think the biggest problem was me trying to hard to make things work between us but i was always warned by her family and friends that she is the kind to lash out irrationally. stupid me didnt listen LOL but I am very, very concerned about how this will affect my daughter and our relationship. i'm confident that my daughter will be abled to figure out the truth of things when she gets older, but i'm still very concerned none the less.

talk to your attorney about your concerns. Maybe the attorney will have advice on what to do.

Not a lot you can do though. All you can do is reassure your daughter that you love her and do what's best for her. Don't (no matter how mad you get) bad mouth her mom to her. Don't stoop to that level.

As far as full custody goes, from what you have told us, there is nothing to warrant full custody to her. You can prove that you are paying child support (I assume without an order right now)

Make sure there are visitation days set up and go by them. If she doesn't then contact your lawyer. She will be in contempt of court.

Do what you need to for your daughter and keep the ex at arm's length.

Best of luck to you and I hope it all turns at ok.

thank you very much for your input. i guess its things i knew already, but its nice to hear that i have the right idea.
for the bad mouthing thing i couldnt do that. it's just not me to talk bad about anybody.
sorry to everyone for such a heavy post. its usually not my style but i needed some opinions

hey...that is what we are here for.

Sometimes we need to be reassured especially in a tough situation.

Nothing wrong with venting. It's how you vent that can be good or bad

Keep your chin up and follow the divorce decree to the letter (because you know she will be looking for something)

I see people checkin out the thread, but no new posts. Do you have anything to share? Experiences, aftermaths, advice, etc.? Dont be shy LOL

I pay my child support to the State, then the State pays her. The money is automatically taken out of my pay check. Believe me, they take it every paycheck so I know it's never late. She can say what ever she wants but she'll have to prove it to the courts before they'll deny custody/visitation.

Well first of all


I could never give advice on this one with only YOUR side of the story

that would be a little crazy

Another thing that hit me as I read....

You say you are not an excessive drinker

what exactly does that mean to you!....you also mentioned a DWI...was that not excessive drinking...,you threw the word excessive out there instead of just saying I don't drink for a reason

again I'd have to hear her side of the story as well as yours

good luck!

i can understand that. respectable. but i can assure you that i had done nothing to support her claims. and the dwi was part of a dumb move on my part which was before we had even hooked up. since that day i do rarely drink. when i do i only have about 2 or 3 beers which occurs maybe twice a month at best. that's why i say not excessive.

if you wanna know what spurred this outlash, i'll tell yall. i took her to dinner last night as it was a promise i made to her when a particular restaraunt opened up about 6-8 months ago. i figured i should make good on that promise even though we were on rocky terms. somehow we ended up on the conversation of while we were still dating. she said she dosent know why she stayed. i then asked her why i heard from everyone why she only referred to me as her bank while we were dating. she asked me who told me that and naturally out of mutual respect for the said informants i declined to reveal their (plural, but each on their own accord) identity (and no i don't have anyone spying, they just tell me things they think i should know). she got mad, stormed out the restaraunt, then hours later that's what she started telling me.

hell, even her family and friends support how i have been with my daughter. i must be doing something right. right?

Not saying ya didn't do anything right

I really believe we (or I) need to hear both sides

in issues like

seperation
divorce
support
custody
alimony

a judge does not rule without hearing both sides

ESP in these types of issues

so bring her on mingle....ya know.. To hear both sides

Then I feel I could give advice. But that's me!


Good luck!!

I have to agree, there are two sides to every story! BUT I will say this...IF you pay support, you need to have it recorded in the Clerks Office. IF you don't pay support, that Judge is going to rip all over you!!
I do know, my Dad payed my Mom support years ago without it going through a Clerks Office. NONE of it got counted. Even when my Mom testified that he paid it and he had checks to prove it...still didn't count!! So be careful on how you pay child support!!!
The only thing I can say about your child, NEVER speak bad about her Mom no matter how mad you are!! I am sure you love your daughter and the last thing you want to do is put her in a bad position. Just remember, she didn't ask to be brought into a bad relationship.
If your relationship is bad with your ex, in all honesty...end it. Sometimes we just need a fresh start! Sometimes we can not remain friends and go out for dinner...find a new friend!!
Good Luck

very true to everyone's comments. thank yall so much. so i guess it's time to get off my niaeve a$$, set up with an attorney and get this train rollin. gotta wait till after i come back in though LOL
Thanks All

I know what you are talking about.My ex bad mouths me to our son all the time.She writes him letters.But it is a good idea to get an attorney.She took him from me to begin with and left him with her mom, (who has deep issues), I went over and picked him up, did that cause some problems.Anyways i took here to court.Bottom line is that child support was not an issue till custody was awarded and the court ordered child support.She never pays and is far behind.The court papers state that I can not stop her from seeing him because she is not paying.I have put a stop to it now, cause she was living with a guy right after she left, that is a stipulation of our divorce, no over night visits with the opposite sex.She now has a new born and is not with the guy anymore.Our son does not care to see her anymore, cause of the new baby.I hope this helps.

I'm going through a divorce where the father is not supporting the kdis etc. Ca courts are not suppoused to judge the other parents ability to be a prent based on thier baility/willingness to support a child. Now weather the judge follows this is in the air. I would write the checks and make copies of them for your protection before giving them to your ex. You can ask for a mediator through the court to help you work out a custody/visitation arrangment that is best for your child. Bring up the issues of disparaging comments etc at this time and have it addressed in mediation. If youc an get documentaion on these isues get them. Any witness statements youc an get, get them as well. Parents that do this to their children do not have the kdis best intrest at haeart and are hurting their kids. If you can get an Atty do it. They'll help you eal w/ all the legal issues.

Don't let her get away with this. Get the friend of the court in your city involved immediately, plus keep an eye on her activities. If she's doing things she shouldn't, bring it to the courts attention immediately. Years ago, when my divorce was going on and there was a custody battle, my daughter's dad turned out to be the unfit one. :)