BULLFROGS & BJS

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give bjs!'

'Bjs!' the woman replied.

'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more bjs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off! ..

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this Less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, “I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say ‘one, two, three’ and you’ll get the largest erection you’ve ever had. After your wife’s been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two, three, four’ and it will disappear for 12 months.”

Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, “Watch this! One, two, three!” His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.

His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, “That’s great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three’ for?” .....

To prove to the 'possum that it could be done....

But you know I luv ya Phuque......


How are ya darlin'??

well there wen't some ol' boys week.....Hope he lokes 2 hunt or has a garage....

LOL...you give me way 2 much credit. .......how are ya darlin'....

put a note in her pocket , to be found later

let me see..... V,hmmmmm naw that 1s too ez.. .. hmmmmmmm Va. Beach hotel suite....

Thank You ......I used 2 have a comedy club on here ....was gonna reopen , but can't find it....so now I do 1 here & there....I do appriciate your comp.......DC

WHAT!!!! .......DAMNIT!!!!!! Thought I had hid where no 1 would dare ro look....

always a 10 for ladyiz......

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
> hospital.While on the operating table she had a near death
> experience.Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'
>
> God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and
> 8 days to live.'
>
> Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
> and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a
> tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair
> color and brighten her teeth!
>
> Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she
> might as well make the most of it.After her last operation,
> she was released from the hospital.
>
> While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed
> by an ambulance.
>
> Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you
> said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from
> out of the path of the ambulance?'
>
> (You'll love this)
>
>
> God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'

((((((SHERRY))))))) been doin good ....or bad ....but I'm good when I'm baaaaaaaad.. ....

How ya been darlin'??

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No sh!t?'

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

yep.....now gotta go clean out fridge 2day ....think there's a science project gtowin in there....

Damn it's hump day & dont have a hump partneress....