In this frustrating world composed of grey

the plight of a man trying to do what is right,

his struggles to answer why and why not each day,

can be found in the varying shades of white.

I guess what he was trying to say is that the benefits of love don't necessarily define it, that there is a massive difference between infatuation and love (the former being ephemeral and selfish the latter lasting and selfless) That being said once the foundation for true, lasting love is laid I agree, much joy can be found in gazing.

That was quite possibly the best compliment I have ever received. Thank you so much!

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but looking outward in the same direction.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I, know I should be performing various acts of flagellation as we speak. I'm simply devastated. Just kidding. Hey look on the bright side I'm a guy that openly acknowledges mistakes and does his best to correct them! That's got to be a rarity!

"some" should be "Sum"...sorry

Both are by Rudyard Kipling. The first is an excerpt from some of his writing that seems to some up my life at the moment. The second pretty much embodies the basics of manhood. Enjoy...

1..Small miseries, like small debts, hit us in so many places, and meet us at so many turns and corners, that what they want in weight, they make up in number, and render it less hazardous to stand the fire of one cannon ball, than a volley composed of such a shower of bullets.

2..[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

I could use a spot of advice. I used to think that I was normal, now I'm not too sure. I, for as long as I can remember, have wanted one woman and one woman only. I've never been into the "party scene" and I have tried to be respectfull to women my entire life (even if they want me to be otherwise). I havn't made the mistake of confusing love with lust, they have always been very clear in my head. I've put a lot of thought into what love is, why relationships fail and what is neccessary to make them work. I recently ran into a huge snag though. I met and subsequently fell in love with a woman that I though for sure was the one. She presented herself as a mature and intelligent woman, someone who had there stuff together. Over the course of the 10 month relationship stories would trickle out about her past (she would usually tell them to me thinking that it would turn me on). It turns out that every male friend she has had she slept with and keeps pictures of. She has tried every form of sexual experimentation (lesbianism, two guys at once, guy and girl at same time, violent bondage, and she had oral with a dog!). These stories leaked out at a rate that gave me time to address the issue with her, get over it, then another would come along, despite my repeated attempts to tell her how sick it made me. I litterally threw up after every meal with her for four months. She kept in contact with a lot of these people as well. She also kept a diary that was graphic (gave dimensions of the guys she was with). I unfortunatly made the very poor decision to look at it after a particularly bad arguement when she refused to get rid of it. I so badly wanted her to let go of her past and regret doing what she did. She coudn't do it, she thought everything was neccessary for her to learn what not to do. Huh? Am I the only person on the planet that believes that you don't have to experience bad things to know it's wrong? The relationship ended about 6 months ago after she confessed about a lie she told me. I was glad she told me but furious that she would lie to me. I attempted to forgive her but found that I couldn't fully trust her. So now I'm left trying to find someone who's past matches mine (I don't need an exact match, just somewhere in the ball park would be nice). Someone who, like me, has a very high sex drive but does not act on it when not in a long term committed relationship. Some one who doesn't think it neccessary to screw your way around untill "love" finds you or you find it. Someone who even if they can't wishes that I could have been there first. I feel like what takes most people untill they are in there 30's to learn about the difference between fun and happiness I have known since birth. It feels inborn. I am so sensitive to all things even casually related to promiscuity, attention whoring, flirting, and basically everything else that is so prevelent in today's society, that I feel like I'm doomed in the world of dating because I havn't met anyone my age who thinks like this. They are all interested in partying and casual relationships. My god, I swear if I meet one more woman that is so clueless about what love is that they think it's possible to fall in love 15 times in one year I'm going to jump in front of a train. How do people go from one relationship to the next in timespans covering a month or less saying that they love those people? I don't get it. I'm sick of people throwing around that love word. I'm sick of people needing to "find themselves" by sleeping around. Most of all my problem is that I am miserable because I have put so much time and energy into being a "good" man and feel like it is impossible to find a woman who has done the same. I know deep down it is not true, but after a while I just start to think that my life would be a lot easier if I just gave up and stopped caring. I'm not going to but it doesn't look promising. It seems that every woman I find that does have morals, when asked why she does the usual response is that Jesus wants it that way. Isn't that the same mentallity as a three year old who doesn't touch the stove because mommy said so? I'm all for freedom of religion but put some thought into it, understand the why's. I have most likely rambled on without any sense of cohesion in an attempt to get how I feel out there but I hope a glimmer of what I'm trying to say has shown through enough for someone to provide me with some words of wisdom.

Yes I know "your" in my text is supposed to be "you're". I need some sleep.

There is a big difference between expressing frustration at not being able to find a "good" woman and saying that there are no "good" woman out there. I agree with you though, that whining and complaining generally get you nowhere with the "good" ones. It doesn't exactly scream mental health/ maturity. It does get depressing to see so many sex-centric personal ads though. Personally I think that if your looking you must first determine what your looking for, then once it is found, enter with an open mind and a clean slate. If your not able to enter with a clean slate you are not ready to date again.