there is always
memories
of life that we
often fight
to seek
as challenges
embrace our
hearts and souls
as we struggle
to accomplish through
out time
to move forward and
to be strong
never be weak
for we shall
not be
and listen
to your inner
soul
for your
memories
are not gone
your memories
will never fade
its just like yesterday
you had been embracing
one another
untill a tragedy
hits home
search for those
sweet adverious
memories
and sing a tune
to the angels
above.

i have a cousin that
lives in sana ana cal
and she is friends
with the head dialyis surgion
down there
and i was told
if i wanted to visit
she would schedule
me to get my dialyis
with no questions ask

my ex old bf
you mean

his family
can be strong
despite
his sister
is selfish and greedy

his 2nd to the oldest brother died
last month

and his mom died about
10yrs ago

his dad died im guessing
about 30yrs ago

and he has a older brother
that is a born again christian
or always has been
and he lives in nevada

yes alcoholiSM
can push anyone away

but jealousy can as well

everytime i said hi
to anyone just to be nice
he got jealous

and i told him jealousy
will chase anyone away
and he said no it doesnt
BULL

but what did brake us up
wasent the jealousy part

some of the drinking yes
but his idiot sister
was the one that got him
into drugs( coke)
which i didnt know about
untill later on
and i hsd enough of that

and he still from
this day
has been wanting
to get back together
he knows my answer
will always be.....NO

as for the drugs
he hasent been doing
that in a long time
but he used to be
so paranoid it wasent funny

i remember there was one time
we were going to a yard sale
and there was another car behind us
and he said he following us
and i stated no hes going
to the same sale
which he was...


i remember another time
i was visiting him
at his apt
and a few days before
the meals and wheels van
was there dilvering his neighbor
some food
and he kept saying
hes watching me

heck no he wasent
he was working
with that elderly lady
to bring in her food


he has a beautiful talent
when it comes to music
he plays the guitar
and he does have a really
good voice

the doc that
did his surgry
is the same
doc that did
mine
9yrs ago
and i told his sister
hes a awesome doc
in fact hes been
known
in oregon
to be the top
surgon which is great

i talked to his niece
this eve and she going
to take me up
there tonite
so i can see him
for a bit


even though
it has been 25yrs
sense i have known him
and we only were together
for 1yr
i put up
with alot of crap
with him

but he has a heart of gold
and he knew i hated
to be around him
when he was drinking
for a while i didnt hear or see
him for over 3yrs
for he was living in nevada

i have other old bfs that i have known for 36yrs
and were still good friends


that doesnt stop me
from having
other relationships
if i choose to
have one

i talked
to his niece
this morning
and she said he
was awake
talking laughing
joking
and acting
him self

so thats a
good thing
his spirit
is high

i met
a man
so long ago
that had a heart
made of gold
a man that
thought he knew
everything
to well
he open his heart
in a touching way
he knew how
drinking to ease
his pain
but yet
stated he
didnt have
a problem
but yet
his mind
was set
at stone
he would
help anyone
that was in need
even give his last
dollar and his shirt
off his back
he let his music
come alive
beautiful voice
no need to have a drink
to play his voice
a drink
is a negative note
a poor excuse at that
as our hearts function
but the hurt to see
one drink his life away
shows he often pushes
others away
for holding up a cry
is showing dry
but friendship
is still close by

i went there
and he had just
got out of surgery
of course
he was our of it
i found out
they did a triple
bi-pass
he had told me
prior
that his legs and his fingers
were numb
and i wasent sure why
as to find out
he wasent getting
enough oxygen
his sister
and i went
in first and saw him
for a brief
and some of his
other family members
were there as well
they only wanted 2 people
at a time to go in the room

his niece
just text me
and the way her
response was
hes awake
which is a good sign

hes in surgry right now
i plan to be there
before he gets
out of surgry

some of his family
is there

prayers are needed

i have a old bf from
25yrs ago
were still friends
he has had issue with his health for quit
sometime
he been a alcoholic every sense
i have known him

hes been a diabetic a few yrs
and when he was living in nevada
he aparently
had a heart attack
but he doesnt belive that

well he went in for some test
and they said they were surprised
he was still alive
we all have been saying that for along time

but any how hes in the hospitol right now
which hes going in for heart surgery
in the morning
he has the same doc that i had when
i had mine done....
which is a good thing..

i plan on going up there after his surgery

please send prayers

the creepy
mysterious
with the shadows
falling on ceilings
with all there might
as its spooky
on facebook
without a doubt
even though
halloween
is at a stand still
a month away
at that
we all get together
with the giggles,
spirits, up to the galore
and omy run into
a freak that has
been known
to be a ax murder
fright insight
keep family in peace
with no harm

Joan Rivers, the raucous, acid-tongued comedian who crashed the male-dominated realm of late-night talk shows and turned Hollywood red carpets into danger zones for badly dressed celebrities, died Thursday. She was 81.

Rivers died at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, surrounded by family and close friends, daughter Melissa Rivers said. She was hospitalized Aug. 28 after going into cardiac arrest in a doctor's office following a routine procedure. The New York state health department is investigating the circumstances.

"My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh," Melissa Rivers said. "Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon."

Under the immobile, plastic surgery-crafted veneer that became Joan Rivers' unapologetic trademark as she aged, her wit remained as vibrantly raw and unruly as when she first broke her way into a comedy world belonging largely to men.

In a 2010 "Late Show" interview, David Letterman broached the plastic surgery issue: "You don't look exactly like the Joan Rivers I used to know." Rivers was unapologetic.

"Our business is so youthful. ... You do little tweaks, and I think if a woman wants to look good, or a man, do it," she said. "It's not about anybody else."

Fashion and acting were the early dreams of the woman who grew up as a self-described "fatty," but it was humor that paid the bills and ultimately made Rivers a star. She refused to cede the spotlight as the decades passed, working vigorously until her death.

"I have never wanted to be a day less than I am," she said in a 2013 interview with The Associated Press. "People say, 'I wish I were 30 again.' Nahhh! I'm very happy HERE. It's great. It gets better and better. And then, of course, we die," she quipped.

Rivers was a scrapper, rebuilding her career and life after a failed attempt to make it as a late-night host was followed closely by her husband's suicide.

Rivers' style was hard-driving from the start and her material only got sharper. She was ready to slam anyone. A favored target was Elizabeth Taylor's weight ("her favorite food is seconds"), but the comedian kept current with verbal assaults on Miley Cyrus and other newcomers.

With her raspy voice and brash New York accent, Rivers turned the red carpet of the Oscars, Emmys and Golden Globes into a stalking ground for E! Entertainment. Her familiar query — "Who are you wearing?" — would quickly give way to such snarky commentary as her assessment of Adele's Grammy outfit: The singer looked like she was sitting on a teapot.

The barbs could turn inward as well, with Rivers mocking everything from her proclaimed lack of sex appeal ("my best birth control now is just to leave the lights on") to her own mortality.

In 2007, Rivers and her partner-in-slime, daughter Melissa, were dropped by their new employer, the TV Guide Channel, and replaced by actress Lisa Rinna. But the Rivers' women found new success on E! with "Fashion Police," which Rivers hosted and her daughter produced.

Joan Rivers never relaxed, always looking for the next and better punchline.

"The trouble with me is, I make jokes too often," she told the AP in 2013, just days after the death of her older sister. "I was making jokes yesterday at the funeral home. That's how I get through life. Life is SO difficult — everybody's been through something! But you laugh at it, it becomes smaller."

She had faced true crisis in the mid-1980s. Edgar Rosenberg, her husband of 23 years, committed suicide in 1987 after she was fired from her Fox talk show, which he produced. The show's failure was a major factor, Rivers said. Rosenberg's suicide also temporarily derailed her career.

"Nobody wants to see someone whose husband has killed himself do comedy four weeks later," she told The New York Times in 1990.

Rivers had originally entered show business with the dream of being an actress, but comedy was a way to pay the bills while she auditioned for dramatic roles. "Somebody said, 'You can make six dollars standing up in a club,'" she told the AP, "and I said, 'Here I go!' It was better than typing all day."

In the early 1960s, comedy was a man's game and the only women comics she could look to were Totie Fields and Phyllis Diller. But she worked her way up from local clubs in New York until, in 1965, she landed her big break on "The Tonight Show" after numerous rejections. "God, you're funny. You're going to be a star," host Johnny Carson told her after she had rocked the audience with laughter.

Her nightclub career prospered and by late that year she had recorded her first comedy album, "Joan Rivers Presents Mr. Phyllis and Other Funny Stories." Her personal life picked up as well: She met British producer Rosenberg and they married after a four-day courtship.

Rivers hosted a morning talk show on NBC in 1968 and, the next year, made her Las Vegas debut with female comedians still a relative rarity.

"To control an audience is a very masculine thing," Rivers told the Los Angeles Times in 1977. "The minute a lady is in any form of power, they (the public) totally strip away your femininity — which isn't so. Catherine the Great had a great time."

In 1978, she wrote, directed and co-starred in the movie "Rabbit Test." It had an intriguing premise — Billy Crystal as a man who gets pregnant — but was poorly received. In 1983, though, she scored a coup when she was named permanent guest host for Carson on "Tonight."

Although she drew good ratings, NBC hesitated in renewing her contract three years later. Fledgling network Fox jumped in with an offer of her own late-night show.

She launched "The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers" on Fox in 1986, but the venture lasted just a season and came at a heavy price: Carson cut ties with her when she surprised him by becoming a competitor.

Carson kept publicly silent about her defection but referred obliquely to his new rival in his monologue on the day her show debuted.

"There are a lot of big confrontations this week," Carson said as the audience giggled expectantly. "Reagan and Gorbachev, the Mets versus the Astros, and me versus 'The Honeymooners' lost episodes."

Her show was gone in a year and she would declare that she had been "raped" by Fox; three months later, her husband was found dead.

It took two years to get her career going again, and then she didn't stop. Rivers appeared at clubs and on TV shows including "Hollywood Squares." She appeared on Broadway and released more comedy albums and books, most recently "Diary of a Mad Diva."

She was born Joan Molinsky in Brooklyn to Russian immigrants Meyer Molinsky, a doctor, and Beatrice. Rivers had a privileged upbringing but struggled with weight — she was a self-proclaimed "fatty" as a child — and recalled using make-believe as an escape. After graduating from Barnard College in 1954, she went to work as a department store fashion coordinator before she turned to comedy clubs. She had a six-month marriage to Jimmy Sanger.

In recent years, Rivers was a familiar face on TV shopping channel QVC, hawking her line of jewelry, and won the reality show "Celebrity Apprentice" by beating out her bitter adversary, poker champ Annie Duke. In 2010, she was featured in the documentary "Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work."

She never let age, or anything, make her sentimental. Earlier in 2014, she got inked: a half-inch-tall tattoo, "6M," on the inside of her arm representing 6 million Jews killed in the Nazi Holocaust. In 2013, she brashly pledged to work "forever."

"You never relax and say, 'Well, here I am!'" she declared. "You always think, 'Is this gonna be OK?' I have never taken anything for granted."

Survivors include her daughter, Melissa and a grandson, Cooper.

listen to your heart
and follow your mind
your soul
and look at the sky
and talk through
the guiding light
to bring the world
to not only your feet
but others as well
as your inner voice
as we all know
just may blow
your mind
in a surprising way
follow the challenges
that have yet
to come
open that path
and never ignore
what your voice may
say
for my spiritual
soul
is alive and well

walking the grounds
of the lands and wishing
and listening to the whispering
sounds of the winds
as making progress
of the shadows
that become upon
the earth
as you follow
your heart
of the shadow
through the image
of the glow
of the waters
and the memories
that often seek
on as life that we see
is the life of future
that shall not stand
in the way
especially
for our shadow
that appears
every where we stand
and appear
in the open land
of glory of our
freedom
as the sun rises
the beauty of the colors
are at hand
with such amaze that we often see
the shadow shows more of our hearts
music at tone, flowers
in the meadow, shadows
upon every where you walk
even in the sky with
the twinkle of the stars
the desert of the sandy storms
even a spirit will show
there shadow in a
beautiful site as you know

the glisten of beauty
is the shadows
of the sky
as you open your eyes
to see the deep blue
seas
for the days have come
and the days have gone
when it time
to open the door
for fun not only
in the mid dusk but
as well the high rise
of the heat
the snow
and feeling the beauty
and the fresh cool air
of the rain pouring
down on the window
pane
as feeling so
at peace instead
of suffering
through the thoughts
of what shall
i do next. as keeping cool
is fine.. but yet
feeling alive instead of
feeling weak
would be a better sight
wrap your self up
in a corner with a good book
and keep your mind open
with the glisten of jewels
that shall come your way

ok
this is something
that is soooooo very different

thats why i thought
i would post this






there called unicorn fish

each one of us
often carry out
a deep secert
beneath our souls
as our life grows
we carry our heart to
higher places
singing a tune
among the stars
as we watch the twinkles
sing in your heart
as the heavens are giving
a great deal of love
as each one of us
have a gift not only
to challenge one
another but a
of existence
where the fountain
of youth
has open your eyes
to see the world more
clearer more than before
as the moonbeams through
out the darkness
it gives you the warmth
of a kiss from above
and the powers to grow
and yearn more

beauty of a smile
is beauty of a laughter
to forget the sorrows
and bring the hope
that comes your way
as feeling the peace
of inner soul
and inner heart
as you watch your path
your watching a sky
and a dove that lands
by your heart
a dove of beauty
can be a mystery
from the heavens above
but the mystery is opening
that door of love
im sure you know

give someone
a hug that
they care
but to someone
that may need
a lift of life
where the drug scene
needs to slide away
beneath the earth
and sea
as the beauty
that is all around
is the glory of what
mother nature
has given us
as what a drug can do
can cause nothing
but harm
as landing your butt
in jail or even 6ft under
im sure you would rather fight
then to be weak
and let the love to grow
and forget the weak
of what the drug and alcohol
has occured to cause the harm
of not only your liver but
your life as well of others
when driving down the road
mad out of hell
thinking is all fun and games
when it is not
take a moment and focus
on the life you have
face the hard core and
the lesson that has been given
send a hug and say
goodbye to the drugs
that arent meant to be