When you get a quick request to go off-site, it's a scammer. When you find that their profile is gone, it's because the rest of us have reported them. Simple.

I've been poly for 16 years and I can tell you that, with the right mindset and good communication, it can work just fine. Referring to someone as a "side chick" on the other hand...

There's nothing wrong with unrequited love, so long as you behave appropriately. One of my best friends is a woman I fell in love with a few months after meeting her. I asked her out, but she confessed that she was interested in my friend, so I introduced them and smiled as they fell in love. They got married and had a child together, he died 13 years later.

Over the years, she's moved on to other partners. There were a couple times we kissed, when both of us were single and a little drunk, but I never got the wrong idea about that innocent affection and that only made her appreciate me more. We've known each other for over 20 years now and are still very close. I never did get over my crush on her, but I also never allowed it to interfere with our friendship.

I have several female friends that I feel similarly about. I also have some female (and male) friends who feel a one-way attraction towards me. It can be wonderful because love is love, regardless of sex or romantic interest.

About recovery time: it certainly varies, and it depends on what people are seeking out of the relationship. I also find that recovery time speeds up if one engages in casual dating/flirting in the interim. Too soon for a new life partner =/= too soon for an activity partner.

And about the statuses... they are way too restrictive on this site. I have been married for 13 years and will remain married for 8 more, because that's when our child turns 18. It's a financial and legal commitment that we take seriously. On the other hand, my wife and I have not been lovers for several years and I have had two serious-ish relationships since we separated romantically. There is no status for non-monogamy or even "it's complicated." Which is why the risk/reward decision (mentioned above) is flawed.

The responses here are very mononormative.

My wife and I have been polyamorous for over a decade. Permanent passes for both, and our marriage works very well, although our romance faded after about 8 years, we are still best friends and co-parents who live together and respect each other.

IME, equating respect with the idea of never wanting intimacy with anyone else is a train wreck waiting to happen. I understand that, if a couple has chosen monogamy, that acting on outside desires is unacceptable, but wanting to is not disrespectful. It's nature.