question people

what is it about a first time experience like that that jsut makes a guys brain go all to mush

i swear when it comes to saturday night when i got over to erics place for the first 5 minutes or so i just could not get my mout to work right at all andmy brain went all to mush when we started kissing and stuff

i swear my brain jsut completely fried itself at the time

part of me wanted to stop at the time and jsut go so far as kissing tongue french kissing and necking and the other part of me figure i would totally kill the moment and ruin the mood all together if i tried to reason it out in m yhead at the time

my brain would not work for **** at the time and my heart said go for it so i just closed my eyes and went entriely on instinct at the time

as the ysay its always the quite ones

in my case though eric found himself taming one wild hellcat that night and i even managed to break in my virgin *** while we were at it and the guy stil lwants to date me in spite of the fact i went all the way with him that first time

right now i am just grateful to know the guy as a friend and since hes willing to get to know me over time as a dating partner well to put it bluntly

i am outright ecstatic and on cloud 9 right now

i swear you could literally knock me over with a feather right now

and right now i swear i must have hit the billion to one jackpot

it was saturday evening over in lima ohio on halloweeen night it happened
i was at the halloween party happening at the somewhere in time gay bar club

for me life had got to the point that ij ust got completel yfed up with living my life asa shy timid typeof guy and got to thinking it was way past time i maned up grew myself a spine got over this . .. this fear of rejection and took a risk for once

sometimes a guy just has to take a risk to really live their life for the moment as they say

as it turns out the guy i struck up a conversation with coming out of the restroom was single

he was looking for a honest friend to talk to

as for why he was there that night he was looking t get totally plastered and just hoped to forget the bad relationships he had over time till i met him there at the barthat night

turns out the guys name is eric and he has 5 bad relationships in a row in which the other guy either wanted him only for his body or for his money for that matter

the guy has astrained family relationship with his mother when it comes to the fact that she cannot accept him for being gay so for the time being hes living with his drinking buddy /friend eiling or as the guy prefers people call him tanker or tank for short.

anyways tanker was there with him to watch the guys back just i ncase things got out of hand at the bar that night

as me and eric kept talking we somehow just managed to click as friends/turned friends with so called benefits

as the rest of the eving played out at the bar till closing time

me and eric jsut spent the time talking, dancing and grinding on each outher out on the dance floor, or if we werent doing that we just kept kissing and feeling eachother up atthe time

i can hoenstly say that i have never been a believer i nhuman chemstriy but right now i swear i beleive

we hung out at the bar till closing time and from there stayed at his place for the night
we juts could not keep our hands off each other

right now im jsut looking for some honest helpful advice o nthe matter since he is entirely serious about wanting to go from beijng friends to dating over time

burn baby burn this old world keep on burning keep on burning

couldnt resist lol

no

for m yfriends and my family though i would willingly die or if need be kill to protect them

a person can say anything they want to my person within earshot of me

they can say it to my face or to my back for that matter

they can break my mind, my heart , my spirit, my will and my body and i would suffer through that horrbile torutre in a entirely willing manner if i knew that my doing so at the time would keep my friendas and my family safe from harm

however

if that person does naything to hurt my friends and my family

i will hunt that person down to the ends of the arth and that person will know the full fury of hell itself when i go all carnival freak crazy o ntheir *** and kill them


i have grown up living my entire life around canines

ieven knew one of them as being their for me as a friend and a overly protective younger brother to my eprson in the time i knew that canine

he was a half and half mixed grey wolf alaskan malamute wolamute male by the name of bandit

he taught me quite a bit i nthe way of friendship loyalty respect and above all else LOYALTY

loyalty to ones friends
loyalty to ones family
loyalty to ones elders
loyalty to ones pack
loyalty to ones community

for me loyalty is a trait that i posess to my person to the extreme

why do they hate us so much when it comes to the sides of the greater community that want only to hate/ to demonise and to judge us with their fear grief and hate mongering?


there are times when i really don't know what causes me more grief at times,

the loneliness,
the violence
the hate or the grief

for as much as my dear friend dwayne was there for me as a true friend and protective older brother to my person going through jnr and snr high

oddly enough it was because of these intense states of loneliness that i found in dwayne a lover and companion to my person to comfort and love me and to help me through these terrible states of loeliness that i at times find myself suffering through

truth be told it was also how i came to find myself actually wanting to give myself to him at the time even though he was himself not willing to go all the way on the matter at the time he was none the less there for me as a companion and partner to help me through these periods of loneliness in the time i knew him

I don't know why but whenever i hear this song i just can't help but think that in a way it could actually serve as a song to desribe the struggle the gay community has gone through over the years to gain and protects their rights.

Just listen to the song once for yourself.

Perhaps with a slight rewrite it could work song wise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL3lJfpenAc

what friends and family i have to my person are there to support me emotionally on the matter and have accepted me for being gay

for a time i was able to jsut live my life as a loner lone wolf type of person that got by on sheer instinct attitude and will power alone but now it just aint enough anymore

inside i just feel so cold, empty, hallow, unwhole , imcomplete even

i nspite of my frineds nad family being there for me i just feel so unwanted and unloved at times, truth be told i have always had the worst of luck when it comes to dating

i feel like i cannot go on living my life as a single person, that i am cursed with this terrible loneliness that i live with.

i feel that i must find some greater meaning a greater reason to go on living my life.

that i must find myself that special guy to share my life and my love with to devote myself to in mind body and soul in living for that operson even as that person would live for me also

when it comes to my firends and family i love them and accept them as family but i also feel that that they are the ones that i would die for in life or if need be kill for.

i have yet to find myself a person to lve for myself in that way as a true equal to my person though

as a member of the gay community i got a question


i don't know if this is what anyone from that side of the community would consider to be normal

but as far back as my first year in junior high there have been times in my life that i have felt so lonely at times , that it has actually caused my person such emotional pain , such greif , and suffering that at times it has actually caused me to seriously consider commiting suicide on a number of occasions



for me it has always been a difficult thing to fight my way back from that terrible state of being , and it has alwys been even more difficult for me to find a reason to go on living each time i find myself in that life or death struggle


about the only thing i can think of to acurately compare it to would be the extreme personal grief a person experiences whe that person has lost to death that one peerson that they knew and loved in life as their personel soul mate

the kind of grief that causes that person to see their remaining life time as being one in which they are trapped in a sort of living death in which the person finds their self dying little by little each day due to that person having lost their will to live




right now for me it has gotten to the point that i feel with utter certainty that if i do not find myself someone to know as my freind, companion, life partner , lover and mate

i really don't know why or how i know this fact but right now it's gotten to the point that i just somehow know for a fact that if i do not find that one person in my life to share my life with in a long term intimate relationship i will most certainly die from this loneliness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4GaPcLgOs

mother.....of....god


a planetformer?

and this guy is gonna be in the third live action movie


HOLY **** PEOPLE

for your information ekkolost peter cullen who vocies primes character in the movies also voiced optimsu primes character in the 80's animated series , 80's animated movie and is also the original voice actor for the character.

sorry bout that my bad i wont post the stuff here any more when it comesto the fanfic stuff

long story short alita and optimus were lovers in the tiem before the war

in the roughly 20 years time gap that plays out between the end of season 2 of the 80's animated series and the time of the movie i figure alita and her all female team died takingthe ar to shockwave on cybertron since no mention was ever made of alita or her commando team during the 80's animated movie or season 3

as for prime being a bit grittier and darker with the shades of grey thrown in there

lets just say that when it comes to the heart of the hero it can be a incredibly fragile thing at times

when one loses that person that they loved most in life that meant more to that person then life itself it can be enough to destroy the hero emotionally.

at times it can even change him for the worst in such a way that it can send him down the path of the punisher

but that is a short story scene for another time if anyone is interested to read it here sometime

remember this scene from the original 80's movie?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB0_vJUc3o4

heres a little scene i put together story wise just for you

consider it a alternate end scene for the fight
"I would have waited an eternity for this," "It's over, Prime." Optimus heard Megatron's voice, but it seemed so far away, so distant. "Crawl slave! on your knees! he gloated as he kept the gun trained on the Autobot leader despite being heavily damaged himself. Optimus struggled to his knees, balling his hands together for a final act of defiance as he gathers his remaining strength.He heard his own voice speaking to him. You’ve lost. Everything you’ve worked so very hard for has been destroyed. everyone you knew and loved in life has been killed. Its all over. all over. Through the morning fog which covered the battlefield He caught a glimpse of Alita, staring at him. her optics closed in vain as she tried to hold back the tears which streamed down her face her head bowed in sorrow. he saw in the distance his friends and his comrades.they who had given their lives for the code and their beliefs. their faces and optics which had once burned bright in life with hope and determination, were now haunted with greif and sorrow. Alita... I failed them, ive failed you...I've been trying so hard to bring back my past. old friends, old ways. maybe this is what it brings in the heart of a dead city. no past but megatron's rule, no future but Megatron's fist. Event hrough all the pain i can still hear them screaming Avenge me, a million dead scream to me AVENGE ME. no. No. NO! Its not over! I MUST NOT GIVE UP. I CAN NOT GIVE UP! “I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!” my past is dead but I'm alive and i OWE the dead for that.
from somewhere deep in his mind, from somewhere in that faraway place of chrystalline concentration and groggy perceptions, in that far away place of dreams and courage he found a final last well. he had descended into the very darkness within himself, the deepest level. it was partly in his mind, partly in his chest, mostly in his soul. a black pit of hate, anger, rage, wrath, greif and despair. incredibly compressed by his desire and longing for peace, compacted under incredible pressure by his very morale beliefs, held in stasis by the very rigid discipline he had trained himself to posess as a warrior . the pit exploded with all the pent up emotion's he had held in check throughout the greater majority of his entire lifetime up to this moment. A sudden surge of raw distructive energy exploded within primes damaged body as power rerouted from one subsystem to another, his faltering lifesighns peaked dramatically. Optimus had the strength and the determination to do what was necessary now all he needed was the will. Optimus looked up at his age-old nemesis, gasping for breath as his injuries robbed his system of the oxygen it needed to combust energon. Silence spread like a stifling blanket over the battlefield, Prime's horrible gurgling wheeze the only sound echoing across the tarmac. Optimus Prime looked into the eyes of the enemy. He knew that he was the only one who could stop this carnage. He called on the last of his strength for one final blow. he knew he could do it, he could take the monster down optimus was an autobot for whom the word surrender truly had no meaning. The power was there gaining strength like a raging wild fire. the fire like will of determination was burning deep inside of him begging to be released like the throttle handle to a power generator bent on overload but after that he would be spent and it would be over for him .for the sake of peace throughout the universe,for the comrades that i have lost ,my beloved, friends,and family all. for they who have died, and for those who still live that believe in me, right here and right now i will defeat you. for elita, for primus, for the autobot code let there be peace. he thought to himself Then the heroic Autobot gathered all his strength for one word as he threw back his head and screamed from somewhere deep within his soul a primal scream so terrifying and sharp it cut through the tyrant like a stunning blow to the temple.



"N... never!" he yelled, gasping painfully, Linking his fists together, Prime swung his joined hands at the Decepticon's throat and made contact as he opens up on megatron from point blank range slamming both fists into Megatron's throat with a full circle round house punch as he bashes in the armor surrounding megatron's throat cutting of his ability to breath. the decepticon stumbled back 2 full steps as he brought his right hand up to his throat as he struggled to breath. the unintelligable sounds made by his airway as he attempted to draw breath sounded like a deathrattle. the momentary distraction was all the hesitation prime needed as he struggled to his feet. Turning his attention inward, he accessed the power of the Matrix. alita’s last stand had provided the inspiration. All it took was the slightest thought – a line of coding, fed from his processor down a length of fibre-optic cabling and into his systems. A slight re-direction of power flow here, a minute telescoping of a ventilation funnel there, and Matrix energy flowed into his body.he cold actually feel the energy as it traveled from his chest to his shoulders through his arms and into his hands. Turning a sacred life force into a weapon was the easiest thing in the world for Optimus Prime. Suddenly, he felt his own Spark twitch and begin to move, inward, toward the sacred artefact. Through their mental link, somewhere in his mind he heard Magnus cry out. He knew… they both knew… what it meant. If a prime were to employ the Matrix in this fashion, to have it consume and destroy the enemy it would likely consume the spark of its gaurdian as well. Violence, he remembered, always had a consequence. Magnus’ voice whispered in his mind. This is the purpose, it said, for which Transformers like you and I were created. we must never let our courage die,we shall fight to our last breath my brother, for with these hands we shall create victory. utilising the age old teachings of circuitsu he called forth energy from his very spark. matrix energy began to glow at his finger tips soft and white at first then with the color changing to a light bluish white as the power built up in intensity. lightning like pathways of energy began to arc back and forth as the energy increased. crackling and humming in near spider web patterns between his hands and fingers as the power built up in intesity and strength.The power doubled, then tripled, then swelled beyond measure. prime willed the energy to flow from his hands into a fiery blueish white spere hovering in the air between his hands as it materialised in the air. "DECEPTICONS, LEAVE THIS PLACE OR DIE" he screamed. the wind carries his words to every corner of the city. those of megatron's troops who were still alive looked on in shock, disbelief annd silence. the very sight of prime has chilled them to their very sparks. concentrating mightily he willed the energy to coalensce into a speroid like form of pure matrix energy as it hovered in midair between his hands.
i have tried reasoning with you, he thought silently to himself and i have tried making peace with you megatron. but the only language you will ever understand is violence. "you wanted power so badly megatron here" he spoke to his enemy as Optimus stopped hesitating and unleashed the full fury of the matrix The energy was blistering, and the temperature soared as the energy ball went soaring through the air at incredible speed. megatron had but a single moment to glimpse the ball of incredibly distructive energy as it sped towards him like a bolt of lightning before it exploded against his chest with a sound like thunder as it bashed the central portion of his chest inward completely ruining the purple decepticon insignia as it is peeled half away. The Decepticon leader went flying over the edge of the building, striking other ledges The impacts against more outcroppings of rock add to Megatron's damage, each resounding crunching noise, robbing him of energy and racking his being with pain as armor is sheared off by hard rocks Fracturing the sides which split , spilling wires, fuses, lights, circuitry Sparks fly from the many wounds and his battered armor leaks energon freely, then suddenly... the ground is gone and he finds himself falling and too weak to fly. before he finally crashed to the city street below. his body convulses and shakes like a puppet whos strings have become entangled trying to move, but his systems seem to be rebelling against him . on the cliff Optimus stands tall, armor damaged and bearing heavy wounds, Prime stands, silent vigil over the torn wasteland, His thoughts are almost those of someone in shock, 'is he really gone this time' he asks himself while making sure that Megatron had fallen.suddenly a tightening pain fills primes chest as he clutches his left hand to his fuel pump, his knees gave way as vertigo overcame him. and he collapsed on the cliff's edge.

speaking for myself i have had a personel interest i nthat particuler fictional mythos since i was 5 years old

over the years my interest has gone from the toy line as a kid to the comics as a teenager to the animated series as a adult over the years to the movies as well

way i figure it transformers just happens to be one of those fictional mythos's a person from any side of society can get into at any age

interesting fact

when it coems to the world wide internet based transformers fanbase did you know that there are even some surviving vietnam and even korea veterans that happen to have a personel interest in t he transformers fictional mythos

its just one of those things that kids parents even grandparents can get into over time

its amazing how long its been around over the years

seriously i know at least 3 people who have checekd out my profile so far and the most i have been able to do so far is just email them in various ways


so just how exactly can i caht with them hereon the forums?

i emailed youa couple times to reply just so you know i am interested in getting to know you better. so lets talk here when you can.

omg i was hoping this would be a highlander thread i loved watching that movie series

you would be surprised how popular that one song from the movie and tv series is

in life it would be spiders bugs insects in general i have a horrible phobia of bugs in general

i aint afraid of dying though

what i am afraid of though is dying a unloved virgin