Again, if this town was safe for walking in I'd do it. Your struggles are YOUR struggles. Mine belong to me and your's don't make mine better or any less. I'd never ever tell someone that their pain was less because I had more or different pain. Its hard to convey emotion on an internet forum, and also its really hard to tell the WHOLE freakin story here too. Not that I need to, its my story. I know that nobody owes me anything, I also know its not as easy for some as it is for others to do it on their own. I DO need help to do it. Every time I try to do it on my own I fail. I've moved out 6 damn times since I was 17. Its not for lack of trying!

I am really starting to wonder about the depression thing, b/c I am always cryin when I'm not around other ppl (which is most of the time). I just have felt hopeless, nobody wants to believe that there's anything wrong with me and that I'm just cryin wolf(lets take into account that I was the child who hid her scraped knees and never admitted to being sick when I had the flu). I stopped talking to anyone in my real life b/c they don't listen. They just want me to be as perfect as my cousins who are all married with happy lives and kids and all that. They know I'm not lazy, and I've always had bad luck with jobs. I've never had a job that paid more than minimum wage b/c I'm not qualified for anything. When people learn what hours I have available for taking care of my nephew they don't hire me. I don't blame them honestly, even if the job has set hours they still want ppl to be available for overtime and such.

I am not walking that damn far for a bus...lol, sorry. I'd be happy with a bicycle, but you cannot walk around this town safely. Its not set up for it, if it was I'd have no problem givin it a shot. I don't want ran over.

As for my mother feeling trapped... she chose to take custody of my nephew, I didn't. I can't talk to her about it. You think I don't feel badly enough moochin off her? I do pretty well at comin up with ways to get a little $$ to help out, but still. I'm just not HAPPY here. I want to go somewhere new away from my mother, and away from my nephew. I love them, but I need to have my time to be me and I've never had that. You can judge all you like, but until you walk a mile in my shoes you can't sit there and think you know a thing about me. I was HOPING for someone that might want to talk to me, maybe someone who's been there. Instead I get a whole lot of judgment.

I didn't say I was a "victim" I said I hate my life. Its a daily feeling that I try really hard to get out of. Whats the crap about a dominatrix? LOL... If I was a dominatrix I might not be so broke...

As I asked in the email I sent you and never got a response for, how does being able to buy makeup have anything to do with me having a car? I DID have a job just 2 months ago... and am having NO luck finding another with the hours I need to be able to get there and back. I actually did just get repayed some money that a friend owed me and bought myself all new makeup for christmas... My mother is my transportation at the moment, and I do go to the store with her occasionally... I love playing with makeup and taking pictures, whats wrong with that?

once, when he said it first and caught me off gaurd.

It doesn't stop close to me, its basically all about the college and the mall and shopping area. Believe me, if I lived close enough to get ON one of the busses, I'd be close enough to WALK to town.

I've lived here 6 months and never seen them, there are no bus stops, so how was I supposed to know that? How dare you say that like you're judging me, I didn't know.

Do you know how much hard the "get a job" thing is to do than to say? I have NO businesses in walking distance! I have NO transportation during hours of business. Do you know how often I hear the words "get a damn job"? I have to rebut with the question "You gonna drive me?"

Good for you. On my end however, I was forced at the age of 15 to take care of him, and from then on just never have been able to find a way out.

I don't think she's mentally ill, I think she's pure evil and selfish. She wanted her freedom back, so instead of handing her daughter over to her parents or even putting her up for adoption, she murdered her like a cold hearted spoiled little c-word...

I have no friends here, no bike, no public transportation. If there was public transportation, I still couldn't afford it...lol. I keep trying to find some way to do it, but so far I'm coming up empty handed. I need help to do it, but the only person I talk to is my mother. Literally... I have NO friends here. None, zip, nada.

Do any of you ever feel like your life is a prison? I'm 24 years old and have never lived away from home for very long at all. I've never had any relationships last long, I've been stuck in the same way of living for far too long. Against my will, I have to help take care of my nephew b/c nobody else will. Its not that I don't love him, I do very much. Its more that I wasn't the one who got knocked up by some druggie at 16 y/o, and I'm resentful to my sister for allowing herself to be around ppl who would take her from us once she had her son. She was killed 9 years ago, and yes its every bit as unfair, more so actually, to my nephew than it is me. It doesnt' stop my pain though, and it doesn't make it fair that I gave up my youth for a child I didn't have.

I feel my mother has trapped me, she never taught me to drive or took me to get a license. She some how winds up with work hours that keep me from being able to look for a job b/c she IS my transportation. We live in a town way too big to walk to work, and even if it wasn't big its still not safe at all b/c of how crazy ppl drive. I don't even know if this post will stay up. Last time I posted for help or advice I got deleted b/c they said it might upset ppl. I dont' want to upset anyone, I just want someone to understand and hear me. Thats it. I desperately need a friend, any gender, any age. Just someone who can be there for me b/c I don't have anyone right now.

Exactly the words I was coming in here to post...

I just don't like meat...lol, so I need as much fresh fruit and veggie variety as I can so I don't get bored with my food.

I was disappointed in the frozen berries I got. They were a mix of blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. I was so excited, then saw what they turned into when thawed. I looooove those fruits fresh, but not too crazy about frozen. I'm tempted to try frozen mango though, cus its slightly cheaper and a quicker way to my salad...

I just had some of it for lunch a little bit ago.. YUM. Not to mention, Pomegranates are chocked full of antioxidants and cancer preventing vitamins.

Yeah, I feel you. I prefer to ONLY use frozen fruit for baking. I tried frozen berries in a fruit salad for thanksgiving, and they were so soggy and just yuck....

I know it and it bothers me...lol. I'm a vegetarian who prefers fresh fruits and veggies to canned. I can go with frozen, but frozen fruit tends to be soggy and the flavor somehow just isn't the same as a freshly ripened and cut into fruit...

It seriously is, if I could marry pomegranates and mangoes, I so would. I love both, then I tried them together.. YUM... then I tried them with the grapes... EVEN MORE YUM, then I added the banana... HEAVEN! I want to try fresh pineapple and papaya thrown in too, but I'm low on cash... if someone wants to throw those in their salad and tell me how it turns out be my guest!

I have expensive taste when it comes to fruit...

1 pomegranate
1 mango
1 banana
1 bunch grapes

you might even try mixing in a cup of your favorite yogurt if you want.

yields approx 4 cups, or 4 meals for me :D

To learn how to prep a pomegranate use search term "how to prepare a pomegranate" on youtube. There's several tutorials and once you get the hang of it its really easy.

Tips for picking good pom and mango:
Pomegranates should be between red and a more red maroon. Feel them, are they REALLY hard? They need a few days to ripen (maybe 2...) If they're too soft then the fruit is not so good inside...(bitter and YUCK)

A mango should be good and firm, the coloring will vary. If a mango is soft, then the fruit towards the center will be no good. There's a huge pit in the middle you have to cut around, and you lose enough volume there...lol.

Pomegranates and Mangos are hard work to prepare and kinda expensive, but SO delicious. I promise the taste will make it worth it.

And believe me... I wish more than anything that it wasn't this little angel they found (not that I want it to happen to anyone at all...) but what are the chances that another child in the same vicinity went missing without us hearing about it and the cops looking for some random kidnapper instead of @ sweet Caylee's horrible mother. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of wicked person this little evil slut must be to kill her own beautiful little child.