I'm finding myself in a situation that I never thought I would be in. And I'm not liking it at all. My youngest boy will be 12 in a couple of months. For the last 2 and a half years I've had alot of problems with him. Behaviour. Attitude. Getting in trouble at school. Disrespecting me, and even people he thinks are strangers but that know he's my son and tell me about the stuff he says and does. He's got a file about six inches thick at school for occurances and such. This of course has increased since his dad and I are no longer together. Is he this way with his dad you might ask? No. He is not. My ex will knock him on his arse. My son knows I won't hit him. I've had someone from the Sheriffs office come to my house to talk to my son about the road he's on. It didn't even phase him. He was like yeah yeah, my mom already told me. We've threatened with military school. ( There's alot of things left out here )

Last week he got in trouble yet again at school for hitting another student. After school detention. So. After his Dad and I talked we agreed to look into Military School for him. Well, we've started looking into it. Waiting on some more phone calls. The thing is. My son now is saying. Mom! If you don't send me to Military School I'll straighten up. I promise! I won't get into anymore trouble. He even suggested that he go live with his Dad for awhile because he knows his dad will straighten him out. But violence doesn't fix violence. Not to mention that its a different school district that my son WANTS to go to. So I told him absolutely not. I will not reward him for his bad behavior by letting him have what he wants.
Every day since we started checking into the military thing my son begs me not to send him.

It's breaking my heart but I know you have to follow through with what you say you will do. SO! I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and not sure which direction I should go in. No one wants to see their babies unhappy but at the same time he needs to realize that this behavior which has gotten worse and worse and not better is not going to be tolerated. He's such a sweet kid when he wants to be. Arrgh! I feel like a bad mom for even thinking about it.

me still so horny

If you say you're going to do something, do it. It's that simple.

As a mother, what you are doing is hard. You know that by following through to teach him you are honest, that he can trust you, you teach him he has consequences for his behavior, and you teach him forethought.

By not doing it... what will happen. You willing to risk finding out? Parenting is not about being liked. You're a smart lady. I think you just need to read it, because you know all this already.

i dont have any kids. but maybe u should therapy(spelling). my parents spilt up when i was very young and wish i had gone then. i finaly went a year ago it helped alot.

Follow through mom!! I know it is hard and sometimes you have to show your kids what's called tough love. They may not like it now but will thank you for it one day. Tell him to try this military school for one year and if it works great he may even come to realize he likes it. You will be in my prayers kids are tough sometimes!!!

I have 3 teenagers and I can totally understand your dilemma. However, I don't think, Military school is the answer.
I would think the reason, why your son is rebelling is of course because of the split and in your case, he is taking the route of the least resistance (which is you). He has to retalliate against somebody and since his Dad is obviously the stronger one, he retalliates against you. Also, have you checked with your ex, if he is in any way undermining your authority? It's not a matter of , who hits and who doesn't (which I don't think anyone ever should), it's a matter of getting through. You know, kids and especially teenagers don't EVER listen to threats or scxreaming and yelling. They just shut off. Maybe he doesn't feel heard and, like so many others is using negative attention to make themselves heard, even if it is in a bad way.
I wish you all the best

oh, yeah. And therapy wouldn't be a bad idea

We did try therapy. With a very respected Therapist. The therapist agrees that my son is angry. So, we've tried having sit down conversations with my son. Talking, communicating. That kind of thing. Tried the reward thing. Taking things away. Learning about consequences to undesirable behavior. I know he understands what's being said to him. He's very intelligent. He is always on the honor roll or merit roll at school.
The problem is that when I have had enough and do call his dad. The proverbial name calling ensues. Not between my ex and I. His dad yells, calls, names and then smacks him. The more that his dad punishes him the more he takes his anger out on other people. He's looking for attention from his dad and when he gets the attention its not what he wants ( because of his behavior ) so he rebels. I've tried to talk to his dad about it but then I start getting called names and getting screamed at. I won't tolerate that anymore from him. I just hang up. But then we're back to square one.
I really think that if his Dad would take the time to encourage him when he is behaving and doing well. Staying out of trouble that kind of thing then we would see a different kid. But how can you make someone listen that puts the proverbial wall up every time you try and talk reasonably?

Awwwwwwwwwwww sweetie,, I have been there,,, My Son who is 25 now is quite an amazing young man and father,, However it took many thearapists and yes Junvinial Hall to finally make him see what he was doing to the family and to him self,,, The school stepped in when he decided he did not want to go anymore,,, And Yes Tough Love is Tough,, I spent countless hours when the Sheriff's came to my house and took my son,,,, He hated me,,, so he said,,, I can say there is a light at the end of the tunnel,,

I wish you the best,,,, Only you have the answers needed to make this situation right again.....

Sometimes you have to love a kid enough to let them hate you.I would send him to the military school.sounds like what he needs is some tough love and not thru his dad's beatings.Right now is the time to turn this kid around.Good luck.

You'd be surprised.

not really... i grew up in a pretty bad situation and I totally disrespected my parents because they were violent not only with eachother but with my sisters and brothers. Of course alcohol played a huge factor in it. But try almost getting strangled by your dad, or kicked out of the house in your nightgown at 3 am in january with a temperature of about 5 degrees and having to walk for about 5 miles to get to the next house with a telephone...Or, watching your father flip a couch over on your 8 months pregnant mother and then jump up and down on top of it. Or having the tires get shot off the car when your mom tries to get ya out of the house. Hmm, violence does not solve anything. Just compounds the situation, also makes for bad feelings, and worst of all? Teaches your kids that when your pissed its ok to take out your anger and frustration out in a harmful manner.
I promised myself that I would never do anything like that with my kids. So, no... hitting is not an option for me. Or letting anyone else hit my kids.