I don't know that either one is better then the other actually. But... at times we need to take our time and do some soul searching of what we really want and what makes us happy. See I'm not one to tell anyone to rush into a relationship I have been single for 16 years. Yes I dated but no one lived with me, I did date one guy for 12 years even but I was raising my two kids and that is where my focus was. Not with me finding someone, I felt that could wait. Now my kids are grown and at times I am still not sure that is what I want.

But sure if the right one does come up I will go for it. The way I see it you just have not found that one that the chemistry is there. So actually what your doing is not willing to settle for seconds which in the long run is the way to go.

You know what bothers me is most parents don't listen to their children. Take the time and sit down with your daughter and really listen to her find out why she does not want her mother to marry this man. There could possible be a deeper rooted problem there then is being seen. You see I have realized that when a child at times have those feelings there is something that is being missed.

Just keep on being yourself but....don't push away one that truly could make you happy. Look within and see what it is that Jim really wants.

That is an excellent opinion and thank you. You are so right! I dont let them meet, she has only met one woman I was dating since the split 5 years ago. As far as she knows I dont have any women in my life. I have asked her if she wanted to meet one here and there and she said no.

Although, majority that I have met do carry a jealous tendency to my daughter. Which is an immediate deal breaker, it's obvious that I just have not met the "right one."

I guess I will know when I do....

Jim, I went through a long period of 10 years just as you describe. It seemed I couldn't stay interested in any one beyond a few dates. I had a very low tolerance for poor behavior, and if it reared its head, I would drop the person. Also, the red flags were visible very early on in some cases, and I knew better than to step in that again.
Sometimes, it's your internal radar telling you that either you are not ready, or you've intuitively picked up on a red flag.
What I found depressing during that time in my life was wondering if there was something damaged inside myself....if I had become emotionally crippled.
I DID go on to love again after 10 long years. You will to.

Yes, you will... because she will wait as long as it takes for you to feel right about it, and to discuss it with your daughter. However, it might be tough which ever way it goes. It might not be a bad idea to let her know you are dating, to soften the blow for later. And to let the seed be planted that it's okay and natural for you to have a grown up life.

How does one evaluate their own depression?


1. By how many times a day you want to kill another.

2. By how many times a day you find your self crying.

3. By how many times you post a topic on feeling bad about your life.
4. How many times you can't sleep when your very tired.


Just a few to ask your self about!!

But if you don't feel any of THESE I wouldn't THINK, your of a DEPRESSED nature.

I think this is truly my first ever "question of my life' post and the other's you list dont exist at all...

So I guess I am not depressed

I sleep VERY well and want to kill no one

True depression is notable in that it contains apathy... for yourself and others.

It is marked by a lack of appetite, too much sleeping or none at all, poor hygiene, feelings of worthlessness, irritability, failure to resume in normal activities or even engage in them, lack of contact or communication with friends or family, an inability to feel pleasure, and so on and so forth. This must continue for a period of time, usually at least 5-7 days at a time without pause.

Honestly... I doubt that fits you... and why I did to speak to this sooner in the thread.

my opinion is maybe you have put up a wall to keep from being hurt? not sure about your details though

although you daughter is 1st and a woman should understand that

Let's see...

I eat well
I sleep very well
I am very clean
I only feel worthless at times if I dont achieve a goal of mine

I dont communicate as much as I should because sometimes I just dont feel like it, or because I am so tired from either work or my daughter

And it goes no longer than a day or two and I have to get out

I guess depression can be a beast, I just asked my Dad to call me back, he was in a depressive state for over 10 years and want to see what he did to get out of it or it it just went away...

YOU suffer,,,,,,"""LIFE""" man...lol

EVERYONE feels hurt and pain from another sometimes and to NOT feel sad or hurt in life at times,,,,would make YOU SCARE ME if YOU didn't feel as most of us...Just love your children and always TRY to care about another persons feelings as you go through this life... Thats all I can tell ya,lol..

Just don't confuse normal "funks" or even situational depression for the real deal. I doubt you will.

I just need to keep control and continue being me I think...My time will come..I am thinking I have other things in life to handle prior to this...But I am also realizing now that my "me" time should be delegated as such....and that is to what I want it to be.

Awww think you just answered your own question!

i dont think thats normal... but i wouldnt say its depression either... other descriptions come to mind though...

Jim.. It sounds like you are learning to be content from within. There is nothing wrong with that. It can also take some time after a long term relationship. That time is measured by your clock... No one else's. I wouldn't consider what you are experiencing to be clinical depression.
I'm sure as you progress, your standards will lighten up a bit.. Simply because they don't seem so much standards as they are a protective measure, as Lilith mentioned.

Define normal? If you can do that then you have problems. As far as depression, if it doesn't become such a factor that it disrupts your daily life there is really no issue with it. Everyone suffers from some form of depression, but not everyone deals with it in the same manner.

Such as?

Thanks Jist,
You and Lil always have the greatest insight

Normal is having ups and downs. Depressed is being down for weeks on end, crying, and ultimately thoughts of suicide. At that point, you need to see a shrink. See another if the first don't work.

Drinking and drugs will chase away the blues temporarily, then they'll return with a vengance. Lack of sleep can also intensify the blues.

Also, believe it or not, eating bagels will help banish the blues.

And, religion. Pray about things, read the Psalms (Psalm 23 is a good, uplifting thing for me). If you don't have a personal relation with the Lord,I recommend you get one. It will help you in the long run and will help you put things in perspective. Also, the book The Purpose Filled Life (available at Wal Mart for under $10) is a great book for giving one's life perspective.

Good luck to you and God Bless You. Freel free to contact me on the e-mail if you'd want more advice from me.

GS

jim, it sounds like your affect may be a bit flat...blunted or flattened emotions...a numbness, so to speak...

i'm like that myself.

people with depression often show flat affect...(also those with schizophrenia, but i don't think that's where we're going with this).

depression isn't always thoughts of suicide or crying all the time...a LACK of emotion often signals it, as well.