its just fine with me.

Shagna

My ex-girl was very independent and our relationship lasted 6 yrs. As long as we lived in seperate dwellings and we saw each other 1 or 2 times a week it was great. The problems started when we moved in together, So go figure

Size, I just went through the same thing. Six year relationship also. Moving in together can kill a great relationship. She gave me all the independent crap. I let her be independent then she says I don't care. After we break up she tells me she really didn't want to be all that independent. Us guys just can't win with all the mixed signals we get.

I don't know anything for sure but I do know what I am looking for. It took me 40 years, two marriages and two divorces but I think whats really important is that people need to feel connected, need to be needed, appreciated, noticed, EVERYDAY...
Thats not easy in a relationship, its an effort...a worthwhile effort to make sure that your significant other knows every day that they are important to you...doesn't have to be dozens of roses, it only needs to be a simple gesture...a kind word, a note in a lunch box, a pic sent to there cell phone...
connection is key...

I'm very independent also and in my experience men don't really like a woman whose too independent -- it's like you're damned if you do; damned if you don't.

Sarah, I agree with you. You need to stay connected with the person. Women want those little things that show them that the man cares. On the other hand the women need to be their for the man so they want to keep doing the little things. Everything is a 2 way street.

Twitch i think your absolutely right...
I think people put a lot of pressure on their partners to make them feel good about themselves...You are responsible for your own happiness ultimately. The independence plays a big part in this if you give up too much of yourself in order to make your partner happy, your happiness is compromised and the added pressure to your partner can affect their happiness. You need to have your lives together and a life of your own at the same time, a tricky balance but it creates a stronger relationship in the end.

Looking, its just as important for the woman to do those little things, men need to know they are appreciated, needed and connected just as much as the woman.

ugh did i kill this thread??

I am an independent woman; but not too independent to not want to be treated like a woman with the all the little things. I love giving the same attention to a man. I'm just not needy nor do I cling to a man for validation of my existance. After all, before a man/woman go into a relationship didn't they both have lives before they got together?

not as far as im concerned , you made alotta sense.!!!!

Thats the point twitch...
so many people give up there friends and family when they get into a relationship. Give up doing the things the enjoyed doing before that made them happy, then they wonder, why am I not happy anymore, it must be my partner...
I did it...im guilty as hell of doing it. But I know it now, I learned from it and hopefully better for going thru it.

and thanks Seahawk!

I think there is a difference between being independent and still wanting to feel needed, special and loved. I'm independent but it doesn't mean I don't want or need these things in a relationship!!!!!!!!!

Sarah: I learned it the hard way too. My parents taught me to believe that "you should be willing to give up a little piece of yourself for another". Not to be doormat. When I got married I lost who I was and it almost destroyed me. Today, I want to give myself to another as long as it's not demanded.

All those things can safely coexist in a relationship Native. Its a balance...

Twitch, the same thing happened to me. I became someone who I didn't even recognize anymore...I thought I was becoming the thing that would make my partner happy. Turns out it wasn't me that was making him unhappy, it was him. It literally took me four years after leaving to find myself . It will NEVER happen again.

I have a hard time because I think Im too independant......I hate cling ons but then there are times when I wish I could cuddle with someone on the couch watching a movie, etc.

Does this also answer the question why men are afraid of commitment? Baby tell me the "L" word. Ok," Leave." Once again people putting obstacles in the way of relationships.

I think sometimes I am to independent as well. I don't want to have to give up my friends and I still want to be able to do what I want to do. I guess its call compromise, but I just wonder if I am to set in my ways?
I do think that men want an independent woman WHEN it comes to money. I don't think they want someone that feels like they don't want to be around them all the time, someone who feels like they don't have to call them but once a week. I think men look at the word "independent" very differently then what us women do. Men think it means money...women think it means a lot more then that!!
Am I right or not? Men like it when we are independent when it is convenient for them!! Just like if its "guys" night out..they think that we should take a girls night out. Or if they have a "game night" who do you think they want to make all the food for that game night?? Of course they expect the not so independent woman to do that...so I think its just when its convenient for the guys when they say they love an independent woman.