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| Topic: The Underwear Mishap | |
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So there I am, fresh out of the shower, feeling squeaky clean and ready to start my day. I make sure I'm feeling fresh in all areas with the application of my deodorant and a thorough brushing of my teeth. As I finish, I do one last wipe off with my towel to get any of those left over water drops before making my way into my bedroom.
Lying there on my bed are the clothes I picked out to wear for the day. A pair of jeans (what a surprise, I wear jeans every damn day), my WBNY t-shirt, a pair of socks, and the most important aspect of my wardrobe: underwear. When I say underwear, I mean briefs. Not boxers, not boxer-briefs, but a nice pair of green briefs. I'm not ashamed to admit it either. I mean usually I go for boxer-briefs, but today I just wanted to give hotdog and beanbag town some extra security. The time had come. It was time to get dressed. I reached for my underwear and proceeded to put my left leg through the left leg hole without incident. Sounds easy enough, but then again I hadn't finished the task. Not by a long shot. You see, at this point I still had a whole other leg which needed to find its home, and with that notion I took on the undaunting task of doing just that. This should have been as easy as getting into Paris Hiltons panties, given that you have a few bazillion dollars and you're totally "hot." False. As my right leg began what I would later deem its cataclysmic journey to hell, my right foot completely missed the leg hole, instead finding the crotch with full force. As I went to pull my foot back to correct my mistake, which shouldn't have been hard to do, it was too late. My big toe had slipped through the crotch flap, and I became tangled in my man undies. I tugged and pulled and tried to reverse the situation, but in turn made it much worse. Then it happened. I gave one more tug, perhaps with too much might behind it, and my left leg, which was the only leg holding me up at this point, left the ground. Now I was airborne, and before I could try to correct what had happened my body was already making this awkward tilt to the side as my foot was unable to make solid contact with the floor. At this point, I could feel the carpet brushing against the side of my left foot, my right foot was still stuck in the crotch of my underwear, and all the while I'm noticing a rapid descent in my elevation. I realized at this point, "Goddamnit, I'm falling over." So I braced my body for impact with the floor, ready to take whatever it could dish out. I was going to beat this sh!t. The floor had nothing on me, and I was going to take control and bare the brunt of the force. Unfortunately I forgot that the floor is friends with the wall, which I did not brace for. I never even saw it coming. I hit my head on the wall so damn hard that my entire focus went to the throbbing pain in my skull, forgetting about the floor. About .5 seconds after my head hit the wall, the floor made his debut, and now that my guard was down, it pretty much owned me. I am almost convinced that a giant foot came out of the floor and kicked me in the kidney. It was a sneak attack. Those two motherf*ckers conspired to double team me (in a non-sexual way you pigs). In the end, I laid there for about a minute collecting my thoughts, trying to do a play-by-play of the events which had just happened because it had unfolded so unbelievably fast. As I went to sit up and shake the whole thing off, I realized that my big toe was STILL stuck in the crotch. I think that was the floor and the walls way of saying, "Who's the f*ck now?" On the plus side, at least I didn't completely rip my underwear in half, so that was cool.  
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comando, it's safer. cept for pants straight out the dryer, there's nothing like a 100 some degree zipper
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that was a great read, thanks!
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this is why I wear thongs!!!
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Timber!!!!!!!!
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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this is why I wear thongs!!! Right, like thongs are easier to wear. |
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