That would be an important consideration if I intended to try again. I don't. I've learned something from this (I keep telling myself that, but this one is going to stick because I simply cannot allow myself to go through this anymore). There's an old saying, something along the lines of "It's a wise general who knows when to retreat."



Well, I have tried a lot of sites, and everyone I've met through them has been a total disaster. I've come to the conclusion that the sort of person who would be a good match for me, doesn't use dating sites. And I'm not sure why that is.

But, from what I've seen, dating sites in general are either too mainstream or too narrowly-focused (Connecticut lesbian rodeo clowns, and such).

I accept the possibility that there could be someone on this site who would be a good match for me, but if there is, it will be someone who doesn't post in the forums and who I will never even know exists.



Oh yeah, I've done that. And you're right; from a strictly statistical view, the bad does far outweigh the good. The thing is, when the good is SO good, it's hard to see the equations. And the heart is notoriously bad at math.

Even with the list, that is so true about the heart. I kept my list to reflect upon. Each time he'd ask me back, or play head games I'd read it and remember with clarity. It's taken a long time for me to reach this point of apathy, but it's a good place to be.

Having 2 sets of friends, who met their partners on dating sites, I know it can happen. Both relationships appear to be happy and solid. The whole Internet dating is a different concept for me, but I guess the norm., anymore. I'm sure there are very intelligent women, on this site.

Most who post in the forums are goofing off, although I have been impressed with some of the postings. Most have made me laugh. Humor is another great way to heal.

Anyway, good luck!

Eileen and the Captain have proven that it's possible to meet someone here (and are two of the finest people I've ever had the pleasure to correspond with). I have another friend, Fineporcelain, who doesn't post a lot anymore, but who also met someone here.

But the majority of the relationships I've seen that started here, or on any dating site, tend to go sour fairly quickly (not really any different from what you would find in real life). My point is that, in order for something to work out from an initial dating site scenario, there has to be some sort of confluence of interests, lifestyles, etc. And that's more feasible for some than others. My absolute requirements for a partner are few but restrictive, and I can't honestly say I've run across anyone here who would be a realistic fit, for one reason or another.



There are, and I have talked to many of them; several I talk to on a regular basis. They are inevitably very far away and/or taken. There are other "suitability" issues as well.

I can't say if any of the local women would qualify as intelligent, since I've never been able to establish a dialogue with any of them.

Maybe someone will move to your area. My sister wasn't planning on getting remarried and the person who was to mow her lawn, became ill. Her present husband did his friend a favor, by cutting her yard. That is defintely curb side service.
Wish we all had a discovery made that easy.

Probably most of us have felt that retreat stage & ready to give up, but miraculous things happen. :)

It is not so complicated as you think,.....,not put too much efforts,......only taste the real flavour of the life,...and real people who are lookig for you will arrive.

A really smart person I know told me that having an absolute is one of the surest setup for failure there is. Placing restrictions on things tends to limit the person placing them, much to their own detriment. I can get bullheaded about things, and it has (at least) three problems. #1. It pisses the other person off, if it is within a conversation. #2. It makes me appear as though I'm not listening or the other person's opinion is of no value. #3. If I don't even have the conversation, I'm out an opportunity I never knew existed.

Just my thoughts. Coming from the heart, though.

this women hold the needle of truth in her pen...run from her or respect will grow that one cannot resist.

AHHHHH, DAMM-IT MAN...Im so SORRY to read this Lex. Man I know it happens hell its happen to me but YOU DUDE,,,.
I was SOOOOooo hoping she was the one for ya..

Its hard to be LOOKING and TRYING to meet women.
I think you should find some kind of a social group to be involved in, and see if that produces anyone you might find interesting? Bowling league? Church? volunteer organizations, like big brother, (MIGHT have a GREAT looking aunt,lol)or older sister....lol?
I hope that the good LORD takes a liken to you and shows you what direction to pursue.......
GOOD LUCK MAN, and if ya EVER want to talk, just give me a yell..Always here to lesten to man...

Terry -- thank you, you have always been so much like a supportive big brother to me, ever since I got here -- and that means a lot. You've never given me any BS or talked down to me or done anything other than to listen and help.

I'm not much of a joiner, and outside of being in a band or on a hockey team, I've never been much of one for group stuff.

If I believed in the Good Lord, I would feel quite safe operating under the assumption that he really, really hates me!

No, this was it for me, I'm not running myself through that wringer again. It's like throwing pudding at the Washington Monument -- you can do it for years and years and years but you ain't never gonna knock it down like that. There comes a time when you just have to put down your spoon and go home.

No, this was it for me, I'm not running myself through that wringer again. It's like throwing pudding at the Washington Monument -- you can do it for years and years and years but you ain't never gonna knock it down like that. There comes a time when you just have to put down your spoon and go home.

Lex....i know you not my friend, but then if one recognize the pain that is written, than there is a wince of familiar pain.....IF there be unconditional love in the heart of a man for the women of his dreams, all else will taste as grass, and no desire will burn within, and love even for old simple things is lacking, and the mind will rightfully defend itself from attack, but even while speaking aloud the real offenses that have been committed the heart will weep for the love of her anyhow......is it possible these very things describe the unconditonal love that none find without the pain.....IF this is true and known to be then the mind is slain, and the heart run free to be happy, even while there still remain reasons not to be, but from somewhere in the darkest dark, rise a warrior that defend till the death that which he loved even past pain, and the darkest dark is seen to be that which happen just before the dawn, and the beautiful sound of lovers in the morning ring in the ears of all to hear.....i only with all due respect for a friend say what is left to be said that has not yet been said, and only as another humble opinion....your heart be the only which knoweth the whole truth, and i do not even pretend to, but i do know that it is impossible to make another to believe what they do not already believe themself.

great warriors are not created from soft beds but from sleeping on barren ground, BUT ONLY FOR A TIME.

No question whatsoever. And the harshest thing for me to accept here is the knowledge that, even after 4 months of nothing but lies, if she shows up at my door 6 months from now, I will do my best to help her in any way I can. I can't be any other way, as stupid and foolish and self-destructive as that may come across.

I try to see things in a humorous light; the absurdity of the whole relationship process, etc. -- but the truth is, this is someone I fell in love with years ago and have never been able to move on. No matter what happens. And I have tried to move forward, and get involved with other people -- and I just can't get interested in anyone else. There is no one like her. She has flaws and they are horrible flaws, but there is also so much good there, too.

One of my best friends mentioned to me this morning that "It would be so much better for you if you could direct that kind of devotion and love to someone who deserves it" -- which makes sense, on the surface -- but I don't know anyone like that, and I have no way to locate any such person, and, even if I did, why should I presume the next one would be any different from this one? Wiser to ensure there is no next one....



One has to know one's limitations.



And I am no warrior. Just someone who is ever so tired of fighting for the good of the thing that hurts me the most.

I am no poet or sage. I don't know the "secrets" of a good relationship. I have learned that if you can focus on all the positives in your life, and surround yourself with the positives, positive things will happen. Speaking from experience(the dreaded breaking up kind), know this, you are worthy of an everlasting love. Not the all-consuming type, but a shared partnership. This will find it's way to you, when you give kindness, you receive kindness. When you give love, true, unassuming love, that's what you get back. You follow me?

My own experience should color the way I see relationships, but, nope. Still hopeful. Still full of eager excitement in anticipation of what may come. I think you be fine. Everyday, puts a little more distance and the wounds heal a bit more.

Well, I have tried a lot of sites, and everyone I've met through them has been a total disaster. I've come to the conclusion that the sort of person who would be a good match for me, doesn't use dating sites. And I'm not sure why that .



Lex, I am sorry to hear that the ones that you met have been disasters. I have had the total opposite experience. I have met some good men and a couple okay ones. I just didn't feel that long term factor. I have made a few friends. What is my point? Don't give up.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (((( Lex ))))) Just stopping by to send you my Love and some Hugs from Mom

Perfectly said!

Hello LEX......



I have Three words




THE MATCHMAKING GAME




H E L L O




I am matching more peeps then the whole site.....and you Mr. would be a V.I.P.

So invitation always open to ya.

Deb, thank you. I've been watching your threads and I think it's great what you're doing -- you have a way of bringing people together, matching them up, making the whole thing fun and very accessible for everybody.

Right now, I just don't think I'm ready for that sort of thing; I'm not in the right frame of mind, eHarmony told me I was unmatchable, and I haven't been able to generate any real interest in anyone except for one person for the past several years.

I don't think I'd be a lot of fun for anybody right now, with the possible exception of a psychologist needing casebook studies for publication.

Right now, I just don't think I'm ever going to want to get back on that horse again. If it ever changes, I'll let you know.

lol....totally understand.....i just believe people and think that ALL are warriors and i look at like this because then i can see the good they really are, even when actions might look otherwise, as it explains why people have to commit offenses that hurt others, to see the hurt they cause and then become who they are, ones that don't wish to hurt another....a child sees the hurt of not sharing and THAT makes them wish/want to share....so i just see how tellin the child TO share will make it to be....same principles involved.....of course any warrior wold never say they are, lol....but i still know you are and that all are as all wish to love MORE than anything else....just because i think this of others does not mean i think i love as many would assume, rather quite to the countrary, as if one sees others as warriors here to go to school, it only makes you wish to lend a hand no matter what THEY choose to do....you said you fought for the good of her and that says to me you are a warrior, as if you you were concerned with you could have cut her off from you long ago....but these are just my views of you, and they say nothing for you to do or be....i just like seein the good in others cause then i am never unhappy me self, so you can see i am quite selfish! smiles

ps.....limitations indeed, and says what you think of what i said, and just wish to say that i think ALL are perfect, and if your desire is to stop with her than that is what by default is BEST for her, so you are still the warrior....to lift something else higher than yourself, which is my wish for my said selfish reasons, is to lend support and help them to believe in their own decisions as perfect, and i truly do believe yours and others are good and whats best.....if love was all sugar it would make for a very bland cake.

pss.....thanks so much for writin your thoughts, that was really cool of ya man....you have made me understand more, ben

all I know is that when ever I stop looking I get found....

sucks to be you...hope things get better.

Lexfonteyne if your goal is to actually meet women on this site then here's a novel idea...delete the picture of the bird and upload a picture of you