"I got a gun for my wife...best trade I ever made"



"Pissing off the whole planet..one person at a time"



"So many cats, so few recipes"

"stop honking! You'll wake the guy in my trunk!"

Or "Keep honking, I'm reloading"






Has that been posted already?

"Gun control means using BOTH hands!"

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.


You don't know your wife until you've seen her in court

so so sooooo true!!!!

Guns dont kill people,drivers with cell phones do

were born cold,wet and hungry
then things get worse

Beep before You Bump

If you can read this you better be ready for sex!!!

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

Sky's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.


It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.


Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.


Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Hang up and drive.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.

Down with gravity!

People who eat natural foods die from natural causes.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Think 'HONK' If You're Telepathic

I childproofed my house, but they still get in.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.

It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.

Dangerously under-medicated.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Sounds like some of the profiles on this place!

I have to share this one I saw this morning!

"I wouldn't ride my ass if I where you. Your dad was just there this morning"

Sorry it made me laugh.

Wow! Sounds just like my ex wife!!

I like the cow waterskiing picture

Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you are an as*hole

The cow is NOT water skiing!


She is porpoising !!!

Can you send it to me? I need some funny pics too!!

TA just do a google search for "funny pictures" and you'll be AMAZED (and maybe a little shocked) at what you turn up.



You can right click on any picture then chose "save as" from the menu that pops up. Rename it to whatever works for you and save it in your "My Documents" folder. Or better yet create a new folder in there titled "Funny Pictures" or something like that.

It'll help you find 'em faster later.

"You! Outta the gene pool!