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| Topic: What do I do? | |
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He is an alcoholic.
He is a good guy under all the mess. We have a child together. He says he will stop. Never happens. I know I should leave, but..... I love his heart. Any advice? Don't be mean tho... |
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Support his strengths, not his weaknesses.
Does he want to address his dis-ease? Then support his strength in addressing his alcholism....AA, counselling, and a healthy lifestyle, with LOTS of positive stuff, (activities, outings, books)... Good luck to you, and kudos, loving the man, and not condemning him for his dis-ease. 
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is he willing to get help?
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Edited by
Jill298
on
Sat 02/23/08 06:45 AM
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You can continue to love as support him as long he is willing to get help. It's a rough road and he should be grateful to have someone help him. Just make sure that he wants the help you are offering and he wants to help himself. You can't force someone to get better. But he can sure drag you down with him.
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Make A appointment for Counseling /Therapy...If he doesn't want to try..Well go from there then...
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Well, thats just it....
He SAYS he wants to stop. Infact he has said it for 11 Years. Beleive it or not he was once a substance abuse counseler and was in MINISTRY college when I fell for him. I try to be there, but you can only take SO much! We are seperated and I am finally happy to be me. Well, no I aint , but I am not as stressed ya know? CALGONE TAKE ME AWAY!!! |
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He is an alcoholic. He is a good guy under all the mess. We have a child together. He says he will stop. Never happens. I know I should leave, but..... I love his heart. Any advice? Don't be mean tho... If he is willing to get help .. support him. You can't make the decision for him though. Will never work. Trust me on this. He's got to want it. PROFESSIONAL help.
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Well, thats just it.... He SAYS he wants to stop. Infact he has said it for 11 Years. Beleive it or not he was once a substance abuse counseler and was in MINISTRY college when I fell for him. I try to be there, but you can only take SO much! We are seperated and I am finally happy to be me. Well, no I aint , but I am not as stressed ya know? CALGONE TAKE ME AWAY!!! Sorry sweetie, but words are cheap. You gotta see the actions. |
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support,
ecouragement, love, and sometimes, tough love |
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Well, thats just it.... He SAYS he wants to stop. Infact he has said it for 11 Years. Beleive it or not he was once a substance abuse counseler and was in MINISTRY college when I fell for him. I try to be there, but you can only take SO much! We are seperated and I am finally happy to be me. Well, no I aint , but I am not as stressed ya know? CALGONE TAKE ME AWAY!!! |
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I just wanted to make sure I wasnt CRAZY as he puts it and I do have reasons to be like this toward him. TY ya'll !!!!
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I AM TALKING TO YOU FROM MANY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT I STAYED FOR YEARS OFF AND ON THINKING I COULD CHANGE HIM AND HELP HIM GET THRU AND I TO THIS DAY BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT HE WANTED TO CHANGE BUT SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST NOT ABLE TO.HE USE TO GO 9 MONTHS AT A TIME AND THEN BOOM OFF ON A BINGE AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT WHEN THERE PROBLEM BECOMES YOURS IT IS TIME TO LET GO AND I DID AND SADLY HE IS STILL DOING THE SAME THING AND FOR ME I FELT SUCH A RELIEF WHEN HE WAS GONE OF COARSE YOU MISS THEM BECAUSE WE SEE ANOTHER SIDE THE GOOD SIDE OF THAT PERSON WHICH OTHERS DO NOT SEE BUT I MUST SAY THERE WERE MANY MORE BAD TIMES THAN GOOD AND I LEARNED TO STOP FOCUSING ON THE GOOD AND REMEMBER THE BAD AND THAT GOT ME THRU IT.GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
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If you feel that you need to distance yourself, do that, but what really matters is your child together and the family you both provide for the little one. There is obviously something in his life that is just eating at him. He needs to find out what it is and correct it.
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May I mention the child?
He or she deserves two healthy parents, two healthy role models, however if it isn't possible... ONE healthy minded parent is sufficient, sometimes more than sufficient. Honouring the father of your child, whilst providing a stable environment for your child is paramount, and you seem to have that well in hand.
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May I mention the child? He or she deserves two healthy parents, two healthy role models, however if it isn't possible... ONE healthy minded parent is sufficient, sometimes more than sufficient. Honouring the father of your child, whilst providing a stable environment for your child is paramount, and you seem to have that well in hand. |
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Yeah... thats why I left.
I was raised in that invirement ...I will NOT allow my daughter to feel the way I STILL feel. TY for the advice!
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Woman I know went through this some years ago. She moved out and told her husband she wouldn't come back until he took care of his alcoholism and was sober a year. She didn't divorce him. But it was 2 years before she came back. Took him over half a year to realize he was better off with her than without. Then he had to get help and start AA. Took a little while to completely stop drinking. She moved back in after he was sober for almost a year. They are still together and have a great marriage now. It is an option. If you think it would work with him.
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Woman I know went through this some years ago. She moved out and told her husband she wouldn't come back until he took care of his alcoholism and was sober a year. She didn't divorce him. But it was 2 years before she came back. Took him over half a year to realize he was better off with her than without. Then he had to get help and start AA. Took a little while to completely stop drinking. She moved back in after he was sober for almost a year. They are still together and have a great marriage now. It is an option. If you think it would work with him. EXACTLY. Actions over words.  btw..in defense and protection OF the child .. he needs help. For their sake, if not even yours or his own.
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