With out a doubt the pain.

your trying to lump people in a single catagory and tell us how to feel, when you basically know nothing about us. everything effect people diffrently. this cookie cutter aproach that the "Professionals" take is a bunch of crap.

So before you come up in here running your mouth about how we should feel and how we should be happy that we loved and lost just because we got to feel love, you need to know who and what type of person your dealing with.

Drifter,

No one is telling you how to feel. Everyone has a right to have their own opinion. Everyone has a different perspective. Mine is that the love conquers the pain. Obviously if you feel differently you are deeply hurting. I have nothing but sympathy for your pain and hurt. I wish you nothing but the best and happiness and I am sorry for your obvious pain.

never lonely there's two of us
RRRRRRRR!!!!!!

DUDE....you are a weirdo.... its great...

Really? your not? It sure as hell sounded like that to me.

As for me deeply hurting, yeah there was a time, and at that time, I got the same Psycho-bable, cookie cutter, bulls*hit that I'm hearing now. and ya know what it did? It made it worse. alot worse.

I've dealt with my pain, so keep your sympathy I don't need nor want it.

LOL..no disrespect intended Rabi (sorry you just look like one..just a hunch), but try being in a truly "bad realtionship" then lets see your answer. I only speak from experience..i was not "taught" this.



I don't doubt the pain, sumthindif, it can be hell. But still the magic of having love in your heart is the most powerful force in the universe. It might not feel that during moments of pain and deep hurt - but ultimately its true.


Again, no disrespect and I do understand where you are coming from..unfortunately it is from a textbook.

When you have been in such a relationship, let me give you a small example. You are married to a woman who literally forces you into a room and will block the door, she knowing full well, as a man you will not touch a woman in anger..period. So you as the man are literally stuck, cornered with no real way out, unless you try to physically remove her out of your way so you can simply get out and away from this hell. But since the situation would onlt escalate to violence, the man endures HOURS (and I always said, if you can t=yell at the top of your lungs for 8 hours straight and NOT lose you voice..thats toom much damn practice) and even one time you have to call the cops, so they come out just so you can leave to get away from the situation, instead of being verbally pounded and sometimes even struck, knowing you can;t even strike back, because that is against everything you are made of as a man.

So I have LIVED on both sides of this fence, experienced it first hand in both matters...living in a bad relationship and having to deal with lonliness. So I have the scars and the real truth to place on the scales. Loneliness STINKS and can be a very rough emotion to deal with. But place it up against being and living in a truly bad relationship, by the true definition, having to deal with the loneliness is easier..hands down.

Again, mine is from experience..not a book or classroom. You live on both sides of the fence..then you are qualified to give a truly accurate opinion.

Again, not a cutdown and I do respect your opinion. However I do percieve you are talking from an "outsider's" viewpoint.

I don't doubt the pain, sumthindif, it can be hell. But still the magic of having love in your heart is the most powerful force in the universe. It might not feel that during moments of pain and deep hurt - but ultimately its true.


Again, no disrespect and I do understand where you are coming from..unfortunately it is from a textbook.

When you have been in such a relationship, let me give you a small example. You are married to a woman who literally forces you into a room and will block the door, she knowing full well, as a man you will not touch a woman in anger..period. So you as the man are literally stuck, cornered with no real way out, unless you try to physically remove her out of your way so you can simply get out and away from this hell. But since the situation would onlt escalate to violence, the man endures HOURS (and I always said, if you can t=yell at the top of your lungs for 8 hours straight and NOT lose you voice..thats toom much damn practice) and even one time you have to call the cops, so they come out just so you can leave to get away from the situation, instead of being verbally pounded and sometimes even struck, knowing you can;t even strike back, because that is against everything you are made of as a man.

So I have LIVED on both sides of this fence, experienced it first hand in both matters...living in a bad relationship and having to deal with lonliness. So I have the scars and the real truth to place on the scales. Loneliness STINKS and can be a very rough emotion to deal with. But place it up against being and living in a truly bad relationship, by the true definition, having to deal with the loneliness is easier..hands down.

Again, mine is from experience..not a book or classroom. You live on both sides of the fence..then you are qualified to give a truly accurate opinion.

Again, not a cutdown and I do respect your opinion. However I do percieve you are talking from an "outsider's" viewpoint.


Agreed

Somethindiff,

You are not talking about a bad relationship - you are talking about an abusive relationship. There is a big difference. An abusive relationship is a whole nother story. An abusive relationship doesn't involve love because in most cases the abusive individuals are not capable of love. Even the positive acts are not acts of love.

Abusive=BAD. how can you say theres a diffrence? Degrees MAYBE.

Quit trying to twist sh*t around. we arn't idiots here, we can see right through it.

The memories of the love are fading. The pain of being abandoned while pregnant & watching my daughter go without a father will go on forever. The future? A wedding with no father of the bride, children with no grandfather... & always knowing that I wasn't good enough.

Oh & this wasn't "recent" I was divorced in '84 & my daughter is now 25. It still hurts like Hell every day. Some things change you forever.

Drifter,

Chill out bro. ;-)

Bad relationship = a relationship where two people end up not being compatible for the long term.

Abusive relationship = a relationship where one party (or both) treat each other inhumanly and without regard for each others well being.

The vast majority of relationships end up being "Bad relationships" not "Abusive" ones. My comments were meant for the majority of relationships which are not "abusive."

Red,

I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. One thing is certain - you certainly are good enough. Every one of us is good enough. Its sad that sometimes others don't recognize our goodness. But that is their problem. The right person will recognize your inherent goodness.

ALright First things first Don't call me Bro.

Second, Pay attention. Abusive is still a bad relationship. it goes back to Degrees. you pulling a definition out of websters only gos to the fact that you are speaking from which you don't know.

Not to mention, How do you know that the vast majority of relationships end being bad ones? it sounds like you reading from a book. Back to the cookie cutter Psycho-bable bullsh*t.

your last paragraph sounds like your really trying to back pedle and make yourself right. Alot of "Professionals" do this. Its called covering you ass, and God complex.

Another perfect example.

Yeah well it's too late for my daughter have a normal childhood with all she deserves. Thank goodness she is an exceptional young woman. Unfortunate that her strength had to come from hardship. She had a great example of what not to do anyway.

Drifters 13,
I agree with all you have said, but try to be more tolerate, he means well. I know he dosn't understand, but would not wish anyone to go through the pain that is the only path to understanding.

Good night chatters I am off to bad with my little 4 legged foot warmer! My best practical advice for lonely people is to volunteer someplace that interests you, you will meet people that share your interest & adopt a homeless pet!

Ya know I really tried to be, But I have run into his type before. they try to cure you by spouting something out of a book they read, and lump people in to a single catagory. All they do is make it worse.

People like him piss me off because the talk about thing that they know nothing more than what they have read in a book. they come in here and try to make themselves out to be some sort of expert, and all their doing is basically reading out of a book that was written by some "expert" that also has no experiance. To top it all off he knows very little if anything about yours, or anyone elses situation, what type of person you are, muchless ANYTHING about myself at all. Noone on here knows what all happend to me, and they don't need to. it would hurt them just hearing it.

I know from which I speak because it was done to me to a point I went to Iraq trying to make the pain go away, by time the "experts" were through with me. So anytime I get the chance I will expose them for the quacks they are.

I wouldn't wish these memories on anyone, or the pain that comes with it. However, if he going to talk about it then he should know of what he is talking about. He dosen't and it plain as day. Come on he quoited directly from a dictionary ttying to justify a incorrect statment.

So in closing I will say I'm sorry to everyone on the board about my attitude, except him.

Just my feelings on it.

Wow! There is an old saying..you can't see the forest because of the tree in your face.

Again, it is CLEAR you have not LIVED in a "bad" relationship and do not seem to understand that "bad relationship" includes abuse, neglect..basically ANYTHING BAD that when you put both the good and the bad on the scales, the bad outweighs the good.

For you to say there is a BIG difference between a "bad" relationship and an "abusive" one is asinine!!! As Drifter pointed out so very clearly.. ABUSE = BAD. ANYONE can figure that one out. And to try to seperate all the "bad" things is just rediculous.