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Topic: job application
northernexposure Joined Fri 08/24/07 Posts: 153	Mon 02/11/08 03:35 PM
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment . MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

MirrorMirror Joined Fri 10/26/07 Posts: 89680	Mon 02/11/08 03:36 PM
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment . MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

fastlinnie Joined Wed 09/26/07 Posts: 1993	Mon 02/11/08 03:37 PM


PATSFAN Joined Mon 12/10/07 Posts: 42782	Mon 02/11/08 03:37 PM


1956CLEO Joined Wed 10/03/07 Posts: 4518	Mon 02/11/08 03:43 PM


chickayoshi Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 8621	Mon 02/11/08 03:43 PM
If that was so easy! I would get away with that too, but I am young. They don't take young people THAT serious.

polson Joined Sun 12/31/06 Posts: 28173	Mon 02/11/08 03:44 PM


Kenny2004 Joined Fri 12/21/07 Posts: 100	Mon 02/11/08 03:46 PM
Now that was funny the old man is funny

LadyZombie Joined Mon 01/07/08 Posts: 189	Mon 02/11/08 03:46 PM
I'D HIRE HIM

Staynalone Joined Tue 03/20/07 Posts: 784	Mon 02/11/08 03:48 PM


suzyQ41 Joined Sun 01/13/08 Posts: 1081	Mon 02/11/08 03:48 PM
looks just like my job application

Rose41 Joined Sun 11/18/07 Posts: 940	Mon 02/11/08 03:49 PM
funny one

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/11/08 03:54 PM


Enya Joined Mon 11/26/07 Posts: 2077	Mon 02/11/08 03:59 PM
GOTTA LOVE THOSE SENIORS

Nambi Joined Fri 09/14/07 Posts: 259	Mon 02/11/08 04:06 PM
very clever and amusing-- made my day!!

toreybelle Joined Sun 10/28/07 Posts: 2132	Mon 02/11/08 06:51 PM
God I wish I could be that clever and humorous!!!

TxGrammyBear Joined Sun 12/23/07 Posts: 14	Tue 02/12/08 04:19 AM
is he single?