I am in a bit of a wreck in my relationship, to give a brief overview, we don't get along anymore and we act like we hate each other's guts. This morning he left for work and didn't even say bye to me or the kids. We have an 8 month old together and I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship. Even though I have tried and tried to make things work he is just not putting forth the effort. I have made the excuse to many times I stay for the kids and I am starting to get so frustrated that I am allowing myself to deal with this. If I make him leave we will both have issues financially, but I know you dont stay with anyone just for that reason. I could get into all the financial reasons but that's personal! Anyways just wondering what advice anyone has or if anyone has experienced this which I am sure someone here as, I see it's very common nowadays. lol. Thanks for reading!

wow - first of all, you have my sympathy because you are in a situation that has no easy answers. When my husband left me I had only one child; she was 4 but financially it was extremely tough. I was lucky to have family to take us in so that I could get a degree and make a life for my child but it was so incredibly difficult and draining. I got through it, though.

Have you guys discussed counselling, or is that not an option?

I was in a relationship where I stayed for my kids but walked away. It's not worth it to be miserable. I stayed for a long time for my kids too but they can tell that you're not happy. Life's too short to not be happy. It was tough financially but I did what I had to do to make it and that meant working more hours.This was 8 yrs ago and it was a rough road but it was worth it.

Hmm well, so 18 months ago everything was fine??? How long have you two been together? Since you have a child together, counseling MIGHT be an OPTION ( I place those in CAPS attempting to make sure this comes across in its true manner to all readers).

It would be hard to think things could go from "just fine and wonderful" to "I hate you guts" in as little as 18 months. But it does seem to happen.

To stay together for the "kids sake'..why? To show your children how to live as an unloving and disfunctional family? Definitely not worth it.

Just my opinion and best of luck!

Oh, sweetheart

We have been together for 3 years, only living together for almost 2 years.

you are too young to be so unhappy. it is one thing to ignore your mate; i find it unforgivable to ignore innocent kids. finances and kids are not reasons to gut it out. since you have a child together, he has some financial responsibility.

i have a friend who was in a similiar situation. she tried consuling. the guy finally just left. she has a great family and they gave her all the support she needed. she went back to school, got her degree and now is self supporting. to be honest, she had some difficult times. but she will tell you it was worth it.

keep a positive attitude. good luck.

keep smiling,

kasey

Counseling could be an option, but honestly my bf has a really hard time expressing his feelings. Is it sad to say I just wanna give up??

stop talking about me!!!!

I agree to young to be unhappy.

maybe sad but if that is how you feel, that is how you feel

yea, I have felt this way awhile but on and off and now that's the only way I feel.

Hon...take the good with the bad...It don't pay to be miserable...it affects the children too...It will work out for you Hon...Move on...

It's really, really hard to raise kids on your own, but I have to say I would be miserable if I had stayed in my marriage. My ex did me a huge favor by leaving - it just didn't feel that way at the time. Looking back, my life has been sooooooo much better without him...and 14 years later, I am still single. But I am happy. I have a good life and my daughter had a goodl life. Do what your heart tells you to do

OK, I don't want to sound too harsh here, because you are in a very difficult situation and I do understand that and have compassion for that as well.

But I must tell you directly that you should get counseling for yourself, no matter if you stay or if you leave.

Why would I say this? because you have a child from a previous relationship that did not work. Now you have another child in a relationship that is in serious trouble. Have you given no thought in bringing children into this world in such an enviroment????

Your CHILDREN are paying a veyr high price for YOUR DECISIONS!!! That's NOT fair for those children!

Being together a year or just over, and decideing to put a child into the mix..well I say this the EVERY PERSON out there.. ya better damn well start putting some thought into your future and when you plan children, you better think hard and long about the WELL BEING OF THE CHILDREN!

Because of this, you should seek counseling, because you are forming a clear pattern of actions, so there may be issues on your end to address. Do that for yourself AND your children, no matter if you stay of if you go.

Those children deserve to be happy and have a stable and functional home. The children should not have to pay for bad decsions on part of the parent.

Again, just my opinion and I am not "flaming" you. I felt compelled to state that for your children's sake.

Sum, I agree, provided everyone is amenable with it. Counseling can do wonders if people are open to the possibilities. I know people whose marriages have been saved because they were willing to commit to counseling. On the other hand, one person can't do it alone....



Jeez, I have often done it in 3-4 months! Saves time that way.



I agree, this scenario generally seems to cause more problems than it "solves." If reconciliation isn't a real possibility, the best thing to do is move on.

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Jeez, I have often done it in 3-4 months! Saves time that way.



Lex, you are one of a kind.

Lex,

I totally agree, BOTH must be WILLING for any counseling to work, that is a MUST

And wow! 3-4 months?? Can you really consider that "love"? Just from my view it would have to be infatuation in that short of time span..unless you are 16.

I really suggested counseling for the poster and especially for her children. There seems to be a developing pattern that needs attention, no matter if she stays or goes..for the childrens sake.

No child should have to pay for the decisions of the parent..but it happens way too often. That's why I stated for ALL readers.. put a little thought into your future, especially if it includes children. A little thought can save a lot of heartache.

Truthfully, I WAS 16, and it lasted up until about 24 or so....! "Love"? Nah, you're right, there was some infatuation, some flat-out immaturity, and a certain amount of "too many options" for a musician with the attention span of a mentally challenged hamster. "Growing up" is supposed to help, or so they tell me....!



I agree, especially in the case of the 4-year-old, who is old enough to understand that there is some sort of problem happening. This can be a traumatic time, and counseling could help the OP and her kids, even if the relationship is doomed.



Good advice; and I can honestly say my life would have been a LOT better if I had thought certain things out ahead of time, rather than acted impulsively and rashly.