My g/f and I have made this. Almost made copies and started handing them out, but she chickened out! It was a blast making em though.

must be one of those "funny cause its true" scenarios.

How about"hi my name is John."...

Dayum...


That is all...

Works for me...

Can't wait for the "husband" application.

MY BOYFRIEND APPLICATION


IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHANCE WITH ME YOU NEED TO FILLOUT THIS APPLICATION WITH COMPLETE HONESTY. 'I will try my best. At least, try to try my best!'




NAME:Saviour_Self "The Engraven_Image"


AGE: 'Well, the authorities say I ain't a minor anymore and that I can be held accountable for my actions!'


DO YOU DRIVE: 'Yes, women crazy!'


WHAT TYPE OF CAR: 'Oh ****, that last question was about cars!'


DO YOU HAVE A JOB; 'I am a tap-dancing mime.'


DOES IT PAY WELL: 'Yeah, not many people have seen a tap-dancing mime before!'


WHERE DO YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE: 'To introduce my date to Hugh Hefner. Then, it's off to HOOTERS!'


DO YOU KISS ON A FIRST DATE: 'Hell yeah, if I didn't it'd be a waste of lips!'


IF SO DO YOU LIKE THE LONG OVER THE LIPS TYPE OF KISS OR THE FULL TONGUE LETS HAVE SEX TYPE OF KISS? 'How about the long over the lips full tongue while having sex type of kiss!'




HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD IN THE PAST? 'Is this a trick question? In reality or does in my imagination count too?'


IF YOU HAD SEX IN THE PAST DID YOU USE PROTECTION? 'Duh! No, I actually enjoy the feeling when a woman uses whips, chains, and wild things!'


HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED IN ANY SEXUAL PLEASURE WITH THE SAME SEX? IF SO PLEASE REFRAME YOURSELF FROM FILLING OUT THE REST OF THE APPLICATION. 'Hey! I am a tap-dancing mime not a priest!'


HAVE YOU EVER WENT DOWN ON A GIRL BEFORE? 'Yeah! This chick kicked me in the nuts once for drumming on her melons!'


IF SO ARE YOU GOOD AT IT? 'Yeah! Her melons were like percussion intruments! Even, Garth Algar wouldn't be shy to slap on those bongos awhile!'


DO YOU HAVE ANY REFERENCES TO BACK THAT UP? 'Shawwwwwww! I use to be the drummer for GOLDFINGER! Yeah, I was the one always appearing on stage wearing nothing but a jock strap; that was after she kicked me in the nuts!'


HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND 'I like to think of them as Pin-Up girls! They always liked to be pinned up against the wall!'

ABOUT HOW LONG DO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS LAST? 'Depends on how long they stayed pinned up against the wall! Well actually, none of them have ever ended. I have more women than Hugh Hefner! That's why I go to see Hef on the first date; to brag my ass off!'


LETS PRETEND..... I HAVE ABOYFRIEND ( WELL NOW I DO BUT LETS SAY I REALLY DIDNT )..... AND U KNEW ABOUT HIM AND I WANTED TO HOOK UP WITH YOU WUT WOULD YOU DO??? AND SAY TO ME??? 'Nothing! Like I said, the authorities told me I am no longer a minor and that I can be held accountable for my actions! So this is what I would say to you, Here is the strictnine. Line his beer bottle with it and it will take full effect in 2 minutes. Then, we can run away together!'


NOW LETS SAY WE WERE TOGETHER AND I CHEATED ON YOU WHAT WOULD U DO IF U FOUND OUT ABOUT IT??? 'It is okay, I will share the rest of my women with you!'


ITS OUR SPECIAL DAY AND WUT DO U PLAN ON DOING...? 'Give Hef a visit and make out on his front lawn, like I do every Saturday! Why else do you think the authorities said I am no longer a minor and I could be held accountable for my actions? Again, I am not a priest!'


I TELL YOU I LUV U BUT .... YOU DONT FEEL THE SAME.. DO U TELL ME?? OR WUT DO U TELL ME?? 'Just because I don't tell you I love you, doesn't mean that I don't! That's why I bought you that 350 piece ratchet set for your birthday; to say I love you, because I am a tap-dancing mime and I took a vow of silence! Actually, that's a cover because I am really a professional hitman!'


IF IM NOT READY FOR SEX WOULD U STAY WITH ME? 'Sure I would! As long as we can sleep naked together. You would give in soon enough!'

So am I hired?

let me think about that...haha

how 'bout now?

Ok, here's my number if I filled the position; 1-900-MIM-ESEX ; I just hope it's more than just the missionary position!

i'm working on the husband app...lol

I'm applying!

wouldn't she have to determine who she accepts as a boyfriend first?

i'm going to jusp past that and just get married...lol let's see how that goes...hahaha

MY BOYFRIEND APPLICATION


IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHANCE WITH ME YOU NEED TO FILLOUT THIS APPLICATION WITH COMPLETE HONESTY.




NAME: What ever you want it to be


AGE: Old enough to know better, young enough not to care


DO YOU DRIVE: Yep, and most of the time its people crazy


WHAT TYPE OF CAR: Mustang


DO YOU HAVE A JOB; Yep


DOES IT PAY WELL: I make more than minimum wage


WHERE DO YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE: Generally out for dinner, then where ever it leads from there.


DO YOU KISS ON A FIRST DATE: I kiss ass on a first date to try and get a kiss


IF SO DO YOU LIKE THE LONG OVER THE LIPS TYPE OF KISS OR THE FULL TONGUE LETS HAVE SEX TYPE OF KISS?
either will do!


HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD IN THE PAST?
3

IF YOU HAD SEX IN THE PAST DID YOU USE PROTECTION?
All except for the first. I learned after that.

HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED IN ANY SEXUAL PLEASURE WITH THE SAME SEX? IF SO PLEASE REFRAME YOURSELF FROM FILLING OUT THE REST OF THE APPLICATION.
No.

HAVE YOU EVER WENT DOWN ON A GIRL BEFORE?
Many times, i eat more p*ssy than cervical cancer

IF SO ARE YOU GOOD AT IT?
Haven't had any complaints, often thought about changing my name to oh god, oh god

DO YOU HAVE ANY REFERENCES TO BACK THAT UP?
Sure, i'll fax it to you in the morning

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND
A few.

ABOUT HOW LONG DO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS LAST?
the longest was 4 years, the shortest was 3months

LETS PRETEND..... I HAVE ABOYFRIEND ( WELL NOW I DO BUT LETS SAY I REALLY DIDNT )..... AND U KNEW ABOUT HIM AND I WANTED TO HOOK UP WITH YOU WUT WOULD YOU DO??? AND SAY TO ME???
I'd just say no. Not a homewrecker

NOW LETS SAY WE WERE TOGETHER AND I CHEATED ON YOU WHAT WOULD U DO IF U FOUND OUT ABOUT IT???
I'd drop you like a bad habit.

ITS OUR SPECIAL DAY AND WUT DO U PLAN ON DOING...?
Now if i told you it wouldn't be a surprise

I TELL YOU I LUV U BUT .... YOU DONT FEEL THE SAME.. DO U TELL ME?? OR WUT DO U TELL ME??
I tell you i'm not ready to say those words yet, but i do care.

IF IM NOT READY FOR SEX WOULD U STAY WITH ME?
Sure, a nice relationship is way better than sex anyways. I can always beat off if i need to.

All except the first wonderbread! Then you learned after that. What'd ya catch?

A kid!

lol, that happens...