So, What to do now???? Back in the early 80's I was told I was the father of a baby-girl. I saw her a couple times the last time she was about 2 years old. Her mother and I lost touch with each other. I have been searching for my baby girl for over 25 years! The other day I finally found her(online) and ask her about her mother and she forwarded my contact info to mother. Her mother replied but has yet to answer if my daughter is still(maybe mom found someone better to be dad?) my daughter?!? And if she, my daughter, knows about me.
So I don't know what to do should I tell my daughter about me? She is over 25 by now. I don't want to cause her any trauma. And if she knows about me I, I think I would just want her to think of me as a loser rather disrupt her life.
So should I tell my daughter?
Wait and see if her mother responds?
Or just go on without any contact with my daughter?

Where have you been for 25 years? Forget about the mother! It has nothing to do with her now! Think about what you have missed my friend...

Ditto

You obivously missed my point...and the issue is not where either her mother or I have been. The issue is do I contact my daughter other then as "a friend of her mothers". And tell her about me.

i would wait awhile and see if her mother says anything. if she doesnt you better be damned sure that that is your daughter. but yea i would say something. she has a right to know. and dont worry if she thinks you are a loser. just prove to her that you arent. i know that i would want to know my real father even if i did think he was a bum or whatever he is still my blood.

What has the mother told her? About her Father?

Thanks saefcnysn.

Jim519 ....I don't know the mother hasn't completely responded with the answer to those questions....but of course it's only been 2 days since the email.

Just on my mind constantly!

Lonely i hope things workout i really do, i cannot fathom not seeing my kids for that long, for the money i pay in child support and no more than i get to see them now, and i am one hell of a dad, i would rather be out eating pizza with them and catching a movie this very minute, it's just not fair.

I am really not trying to bash you, so please dont take it that way. But if you thought you were the Father of a baby girl back in the 80's, why did you just let it go? Why didnt you pursue it?

With you Irad! I miss her so But my time will come..Actually..."our" time will come my friend

i was that daugther not to long ago . there is nothing wrong with wanting to talk to her just don't expect anything , answer all her question what ever they maybe and just remember that from here on out it is up to you to keep in contact as long as she is okay with that . you just have to let her know that you just want to be a part of her life even if that means you are a friend and not dad . you have every right to tell her who you are and she is a big girl now and has the right to know who you are and the right to decide if she wants you in her life not her mothers .good luck and i wish you the best .

Without getting into it the mom told me I was the fahter then she moved out of state/country and now there back after I have been check court house records, census, and etc. for the both of them for over 25 yrs. mind you they didn't have online records and a woman could disappear pretty easily back then...

It will Jim, it will.

I THINK U SHOULD GET ANSWERS FROM HER MOTHER ONE WAY OR OTHER AN IF SHE IS REALLY UR DAUGHTER THEN YES TELL HER AN LET HER KNOW U LOST CONTACT AN HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HER. YOU CAN ALWAYS HAVE DNA TEST JUST TO BE SURE. HOPE THIS HELPS.

Hey hotbody thank you for your words It's kind of what I've been thinking....

I didn't see my dad for 35 years. One day..out of the blue..I get an email from someone saying they were a friend of my fathers...and he was interested in contacting me...and asked if I would be open to this. I was...and he and I got in touch. It didn't last long until he disappeared again, but I felt that at least being in touch with him helped fill an empty spot.


Maybe you can find someone who can communicate with your daughter for you...until you find out if she wants to be in contact...

thanks littlesquaw

I grew up knowing that my Father(((step father))) was not my birth father,, although our love we shared was incredible and no one could replace that..

My father passed just before my 16th birthday,,

Three years ago I did a search looking for my Birth Father,,, I sent out 165 letters,, giving a brief detail of me and my family,, leaving a return address for a reply... three weeks later i got a letter stating he was my father,,,

My heart fell into my stomach,, and the questions took over,
where, why, how, when,, and Did you love me,, all filled my heart and soul,,,

My point is,,, let her know who you are that you loved her that you searched for her,,,, Fill her in on the part of you she is,,,

My birth father and I do speak,, yet the distance of 42 years can not be replaced I do know who, why , what and why the hell,,,

Peace has filled my heart and my soul has healed.

Best of luck to you

Qwicher...that would be a surprise but I think it was better then me just poping up and saying "Hi I'm your dad" If she is mine ...I have grand-babies now. This is just so messed up. Maybe her mom will clear it up soon1

I would recommend just focusing on being a Dad and not worrying about the mother at all. Take it slow, take it light, and accomdate your daughter as best as possible. Dont focus on the past, take control of the future and show her you can be the Dad she needs you to be...

Best of luck to you my friend