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| Topic: Does meeting/hanging out with someone once constitute "datin | |
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I met a guy about a year and a half ago. We hung out for a day, but I didn't feel anything 'click' like. So I let him know how I felt...he seemed upset, but a couple days later he was seeing someone else.
Fast forward to today. I met someone online last night and talked to him on the phone for an hour. We were getting along WONDERFULLY. He messages me this morning that we had in fact met - the guy I mentioned above is his neighbour, and I had met him on the balcony that one time I had hung out. Apparently he and his neighbour have an agreement to not date anyone the other person has. My point is that I never 'dated' this guy - I hung out with him one time. So now this new guy has written things off between us, but genuinely seems upset about the whole thing. ARGH! |
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id try to explain that to him
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Ouch, maybe when he realizes what the reality was between his friend and you they'll come to a new agreement??
That is a really honorable agreement between friends though, you have to admire that in them! Hope he figures out the 'rules' are fuzzy on this one and comes around! Good Luck! 
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I do admire that he respects his friends that way. And, devildog08, I did explain it to him but he still says that the rule keeps everything between them clean.
I am just flabbergasted about it all...I have the feeling that his neighbour doesn't want him to meet me for the fact that I 'broke his heart' in a way - which is childish and stupid. Mostly, it just sucks. |
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You wouldn't want to come between friends. That can be uglier... You haven't known either guy that long. It sucks, but something he has to decide for himself and you have to accept. Just like you letting the other guy go. |
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lots of grey areas in this one...
best thing to do is let it go..honestly its a pretty stupid agreement...considering what happens if that "one" person who u let go is the "right" one lol childish...but at this point you really have no control sux 
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I'm rather old-fashioned on this topic. Meeting for 15 minutes for a cup of coffee or tea is a meet. Anything more than that is a date, no the activity.
I don't distinguish between "hanging out" and dating and I don't believe in "friends with benefits". |
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I think the guy and his neighbour have a ridiculous and teeenage agreement - bizarre enough to say that you dont need either. Otherwise, an amusing quirk of the human species.
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I'd have to show respect for their friendship. They need to talk it over. I think you should respect any decision they make. Be prepared to accept the outcome good or bad.
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I was married for 12 years....I wouldn't expect to see my best friend now hitting on my ex wife.....but a lady i went out with one time????I mean come on....you just are getting to know someone....there is no romance involved....no real true feelings.....no reason for anyone to be upset...and it didn't hapen the next day...it has been a year....but there are some strange people out there with whatever they want to believe and do...you have to xaccept...talk to the 1st guy and ask him what is going on....
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I don t label things, call it what you want.
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I met a guy about a year and a half ago. We hung out for a day, but I didn't feel anything 'click' like. So I let him know how I felt...he seemed upset, but a couple days later he was seeing someone else. Fast forward to today. I met someone online last night and talked to him on the phone for an hour. We were getting along WONDERFULLY. He messages me this morning that we had in fact met - the guy I mentioned above is his neighbour, and I had met him on the balcony that one time I had hung out. Apparently he and his neighbour have an agreement to not date anyone the other person has. My point is that I never 'dated' this guy - I hung out with him one time. So now this new guy has written things off between us, but genuinely seems upset about the whole thing. ARGH! I'm guessing they are good friends to have this agreement. And, as honorable as it is and all, the way I see it, you did not date the first guy, so this new dude just needs to nut up and be a man. Seriously, if he likes you and all, and he wants to get to know you, then he shouldn't let this "agreement" come between it. I can see had you and the first guy dated some that he could say to you, "Hey. Can't date you and here is why." That would be understandable and you would want to honor it. But I find this to not be the case. Dude sounds like a wuss to me. 
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It sucks but let it go. I agree with you that hanging out for a day doesn't constitute a relationship. If the two of you were to get together you would end up hanging out with the other guy if they are best friends.
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depends if ya swapped spit
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It's not your fault at all. Those guys are gay.
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So, if things don't work out between you and the first guy, who you never even actually dated, then you're not allowed to try to get to know the other guy?
If the first guy was seeing someone else a couple days later, he couldn't have been taking your interaction all that seriously in the first place. This sounds to me like one of those senseless, arbitrary rules that really accomplishes nothing other than to interfere with the reality of people's lives. I can respect two friends having an agreement not to date each other's exes, but it sounds like you would REALLY have to stretch some definitions for this to qualify that way. Maybe you could ask the first guy for a special exemption and dispensation. |
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All is fair in love and war.
I dont think their pact, would cover meeting someone for one date that didnt involve intimacy. It was probably meant to not date someone the other has been intimate with in the past. It just does't make any sense in this case for you not to be able to date the friend JMO |
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depends if ya swapped spit lol |
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All is fair in love and war. I dont think their pact, would cover meeting someone for one date that didnt involve intimacy. It was probably meant to not date someone the other has been intimate with in the past. It just does't make any sense in this case for you not to be able to date the friend JMO I agree, Michael. |
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Edited by
Sovaro
on
Tue 01/29/08 08:00 PM
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Sorry, I had to rewrite because my son woke up scared of a thunderstorm and lost my train of thought.
I find your story very hard to believe as no man gets upset after a first meeting unless intimacy and/or a second meeting was arranged that night but you probably fell through just like a lot of bad people don't care to reply to genuine e-mails. Real life friends stick up for each other so they don't fool with the mess. It would be exact same results for a lady if reverse scario! If I'm wrong then please explain how I am? |
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