Hi I am the used to be non custodial parent of my son who is now 21. He was picked up on a warrent. But originally it was not his fault but he did miss his court date. On the phone he says they will let him out tomorrow. I am wondering. I am having trouble dealing with this and is there anything I can do.

Nothing u can do until he goes in from of the magistrate then they will decide if they will let him go on his own R&R or set a bail

No mom nothing, he is 21 and in the eyes of the law he is an adult. Just let him know you love him that is about all you can do at this point

Dudette, he's 21 it's his sh*t to deal with now...

Just don't worry too much. It's not that bad for them. They treat it like going to school anymore.

He's 21 and made his bed.Give him a hug when he gets out.

Give him support without contributing to his problems or enabling him to create more problems. He's 21 an adult needs to learn to make decisions on his own. as far as him getting out of jail thats between him and the judge not much you can do.

It's very hard to deal with as a mother. I have a 25 year old son in jail for first degree murder. He's been in for 20 months now and it's not any easier on me today than it was in the beginning. One of the only things that gets me through it is knowing that I did everything in my power to show him by example how to live a good clean life, I taught him right from wrong, taught him to do the right thing in life. It was HIS choice not to live his life the way I taught him to. Remember that, it was HIS choice.
My heart goes out to any mother in the same situation.
Hugs!

Not a lot you can do i just went thrue that and just have to tell the judge when you are in front of him your story , They dont want to put innocent people in jail its crowded as it is,, But if yoyu miss a court date you are in Trouble..****ED

Thanks I guess you are all right. It is just not what I wanted for him. I wanted custody to show him a better way to live but he wanted to be in the city. Thanks for responding

i know the feelin my dad helps me out and i am on probation so i can relate 2 how u feel every parent wants 2 help their kids and it's hard sometimes when they can't i never been 2 jail but being on probation is hell.

He was always a good kid and this wasn't his fault. He broke up w/his girlfriend and then she fell in love w/someone else and now he is depressed and dosen't care about much
I suppose that is why he didn't deal with the warrent sooner.

""""I suppose that is why he didn't deal with the warrant sooner"""""

that was his choice

therefore he is paying the consequence of said choice

and thus will make it harder to defend himself from original charge

whether it was him or not

21 past time to grow up

hope things work out for the best

good luck (i understand your dilima)

oh yeah it appears they decided to make him deal with it

not he decided to deal with it

Think ,here is a kinda funny story.My friend Kathy payed a fine for speeding late.We were down Hampton Beach in Feb and since there were a group of us in the car(including a huge scooby doo doll)the cops ran the plate.Well seems the plates were suspended.They cuffed my friend and as she was being led away she asked me to drive her car.Well what she didnt realize was that they were impounding it.We had to walk a mile to a bar and call a friend to pick us up in freezing weather carrying a f@#$king huge Scooby Doo .My friend was very freaked out and the waitress gave her a drink out of sympathy.
she was 21 at the time also and i guess the moral is we all make mistakes and later when you look back it will just be an anecdote about a life lesson.

Sorry you feel bad about the choices your adult child made and how his life is going but it is his thing to deal with.

If you could fix it or tried to fix it you won't be helping him fit into the adult world.

Try your best to go on and lead your life in a way that won't add to his problems.

Parents, custodial, and non-custodial can look back and torture themselves about how they did the "job" of parenting but the bottom line is when a person hits that 18 to 21 age they have to take ahold of the reins and decied for themselves how they want their life to go.

Maybe he is getting a raw deal with his girlfriend dumping him but maybe she is just decideing to grow up faster than he is. Be grateful she isn't pregnant and you are suffering for a grandchild at the same time.

He will learn a lesson about self pity when he gets in front of the judge and pays the price for his insolence for a "no show". Probably a heavy fine and maybe more jail time. Do him a favor and do NOT feel sorry for him. It is NOT helping him.

If he really isn't his fault, which I know you want to believe but you should be hesitant to buy into, then you can decide if you want to help pay for a lawyer but I wouldnt post bail or borrow money to get him help because you may be the brunt of this. thn he really will have something to be depressed about.

Know you are not alone. Many parents have walked this road. Best of Luck.

Thanks for your response. Yes I am sure you are right. It feels like I actually have friends out there. I am glad I posted. I have been mulling over how I tried to raise him. Dad's house had no restrictions so he wanted to be there. Ok yea like that. And If we would have stayed married etc. I will stop and just say thanks

I'm a Correctional Officer. This is one of the hardest things I deal with everyday. I'll give you the same speech. You son is a man now, he will have to go to court like an adult and deal with the consequences for what he has done. I'm sure this will make him a better man. As a parent myself we both know you can only do so much for them. We teach them right from wrong, but it is up to them to make the right choices everyday. Your boy screwed up, that doesn't mean he is a bad person. Everything will come together in the end.
I always try to say this in a calming way.
You did all that you could mom, I truly hope everything turns out for the best.

you probably can't do anything sense he missed his court date, he'll have to go before the judge

danny

Hi That all really helps. Thanks Officer for an official view
I have not spoken to him but I found out his ID # and heard he should be released any moment Thank You God!!!