OK let me ask this. How many here have thought they were in love? Or feel they have really been in love? And if you have What were you feeling at that time?

OK let me ask this. How many here have thought they were in love? Or feel they have really been in love? And if you have What were you feeling at that time?

Depends on the day really. Comfortable, happy, silly, pissed, annoyed, elated, etc etc. Until the whore cheated on me. Damn her!

So I guess my question for you today is how does on "just know"? People are on here saying that they are looking for there true love, but, have you ever felt 100% true love to be able to say for sure what it really is?

OK so you can love one day and hate the next?

Granted yes there are things that a person can do to make another fall out of love. Like having affairs. But can a relationship be going well and you still fall out of love on day but want them and love them the next?

Whisp, you raise a very good question, and I'm not sure I can give a very good answer....

But -- I know. I don't actually know how I know -- it's just there.

I know, because it's different from anything else I experienced during the times when I thought I knew before. And that's really lame, because all I'm really saying is this is this, and that was that, and maybe I'm extrapolating from an inherently untenable position to begin with, but -- I just know. She and I have a long history, so it's not like we just met, and that's a big part of it.

I agree with you about the marriage thing -- I was married, and I never felt quite right about it. I think I knew it was a mistake going in, but I blinded myself to a lot of things because I mistakenly believed it would turn out to be "for the best" in the end.

But now -- this time -- it's a lot of things -- the way I feel when she's with me, the way I feel when I think about her, the way I feel when the IM box pops up and it's her. A lot of it is weird, little stuff. I'll be in the car and drive by an interesting building or sign, and my first thought is wondering what she would think of that. I see things in stores that remind me of her, or that make me wonder if she would like one of those.

It's the sense that I can't really imagine what life would be like without her, and the hope that I will never have to find out.

It's taking the time to look up some little piece of information she said she needed three days ago, and making sure I write it down so I can pass it along when I talk to her.

It's talking about "the move" to come, all the stuff that will need to be addressed, and how much work it will be, and not even caring about any of that because the end result will be so totally worth whatever it took to get there.

It's being able to talk about things I've never told anyone before, and knowing she'll understand it.

I know, I'm all over the place here. The epidemic of rambling.

But that's really what makes this whole question so difficult -- there is no one answer -- there probably is no 1000 answers. It just keeps going. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.

For me, I can honestly say I believe I know. I trust my judgment (and hers, too) that much. And, sure, there is always going to be a subjective element -- I feel this way because I want to feel this way, because I like feeling this way, and feelings can be wrong, and blah blah blah, but -- right now -- I'm convinced. For all the reasons above and a few hundred more.

I know that's not a very good answer. But it's the best I can do!

Whisp, you raise a very good question, and I'm not sure I can give a very good answer....

But -- I know. I don't actually know how I know -- it's just there.

I know, because it's different from anything else I experienced during the times when I thought I knew before. And that's really lame, because all I'm really saying is this is this, and that was that, and maybe I'm extrapolating from an inherently untenable position to begin with, but -- I just know. She and I have a long history, so it's not like we just met, and that's a big part of it.

I agree with you about the marriage thing -- I was married, and I never felt quite right about it. I think I knew it was a mistake going in, but I blinded myself to a lot of things because I mistakenly believed it would turn out to be "for the best" in the end.

But now -- this time -- it's a lot of things -- the way I feel when she's with me, the way I feel when I think about her, the way I feel when the IM box pops up and it's her. A lot of it is weird, little stuff. I'll be in the car and drive by an interesting building or sign, and my first thought is wondering what she would think of that. I see things in stores that remind me of her, or that make me wonder if she would like one of those.

It's the sense that I can't really imagine what life would be like without her, and the hope that I will never have to find out.

It's taking the time to look up some little piece of information she said she needed three days ago, and making sure I write it down so I can pass it along when I talk to her.

It's talking about "the move" to come, all the stuff that will need to be addressed, and how much work it will be, and not even caring about any of that because the end result will be so totally worth whatever it took to get there.

It's being able to talk about things I've never told anyone before, and knowing she'll understand it.

I know, I'm all over the place here. The epidemic of rambling.

But that's really what makes this whole question so difficult -- there is no one answer -- there probably is no 1000 answers. It just keeps going. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.

For me, I can honestly say I believe I know. I trust my judgment (and hers, too) that much. And, sure, there is always going to be a subjective element -- I feel this way because I want to feel this way, because I like feeling this way, and feelings can be wrong, and blah blah blah, but -- right now -- I'm convinced. For all the reasons above and a few hundred more.

I know that's not a very good answer. But it's the best I can do!

Next? You dismiss it like you have all the answers. I mean I am sure I can go to the dictionary and find a text book definition as well. But again I ask, are you satisfied with a text book answer about something that can be a life time emotional experience?

You are right, it was not a very good answer, it was a great answer. But one question to you my dear friend. If you did not trust your judgment going into a marriage how do you trust it now?

that was an awesome answer!

I'm satisfied because I've done the self reflecting it takes to discover what a healthy "relationship" is really supposed to be all about... My answer is condensed because I've learned the hard way that (that) really is all there is to it...are you really willing to give that kind of care? Do you trust the one that you'd work so hard for to respond in kind ?

I really don't mean to seem flippant or like I've adopted some quasi-new age philosophy about it all...to me love means to give your all & everything for the sake of someone elses spiritual benifit...spirit of mind, heart & soul...

Now that I've learned the amazing difference between codependence & love, and I know that love is work, I'm only going to commit to it in my most serious heart of hearts...
Try dissecting the phrase " 100% care & concern"...
I really do understand your delimna and it's THE all time profound question since "how we we control fire?"

Good luck and I hope you find the answer...
"love is all,Love is you" John Lennon

'd like to believe I learned something from the marriage experience -- some things about myself, about relationships in general.

Because I got married for the wrong reasons. I had a sense of that at the time, but I suppressed it -- again, for the wrong reasons.

I think I'm more realistic now, more honest with myself. And my reasons are different now, too. And my ex-wife....well, I've told you a little about what kind of person she turned out to be, with the drugs and the eliminations and all...and Gem is none of that. They couldn't be more diametrically opposed, as people go....!

Thank you!

I think I could have conveyed a better sense of what I meant, had I gone on for 73 more pages and spent a week or so on editing, but that usually doesn't work too fell in a forum environment!

Lex, I hope you are right hun, I really would hate to see you back in the place you were a year ago. You know I love you and it pained me to see you so hurt, so sad......

Editing? Is that not when you pass it on to me to read?

And I will always be very grateful to you for the way you helped me get through that bad stretch -- frankly, I'm not sure I would have made it through all that without your support -- !!

Yes it is! And what's the status of that "Moving Parts" pdf file?