I am coming to the end of what has been the worst year of my life up to date. My Daddy died in November and there will NEVER be another man love me like he did. I am beyond devestated. And coming to the end of a year long divorce. Where do you start? What do you do? How do you get through the loss of a companion? I feel like not only I am divorcing but now Im a part time mother. I have been up until now, the sole decison maker for my girls and now all of a sudden out of no where my ex husband wants 50/50 well we all know what that means....50% less child support. Anyway, I welcome advice. Thanks in advance!

Wow you have had a heck of a year. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had an experience similar to that but I'm not going to post it in public. I'll drop you a line.

My deepest and sincerest condolences on the passing of your father.

As for the divorce, all I can truly tell you is keep your chin up. You will lean on friends, work and family to ease the loss of your companion/partner. But on the positive, it's best to be alone than in the wrong company or in an unhappy situation/circumstance.

Yes I ex-girl friend is learning this part the hard way.
"But on the positive, it's best to be alone than in the wrong company or in an unhappy situation/circumstance."

never loose love for yourself.after 2 years thats what i am focused on. for a long time my confidence was rattled, but now i have grown spiritualy and more confident with time. good luck and like franshade said keep your head up!

I am going through something simular with my brother who filed for divorce and full custody of the baby. however.. 50/50 is what will probably be granted..
the only advice I have to give is this...

make it where either of you can make emergent medical decisions. not routine. thats is the primary guardians choice. emergent life altering/life sustaining choices while they are not in your custody. make it where you dont have to be there for him to say go ahead and save her. i have heardabout things happening and the other parent could not get there and thus the child passed or was brain dead or disabled after such case. Just dont do that to your children. its the hardest thing you will ever do i know but its best.

and for 50/50 depending on your 50/50.. there might not be any child support!


best of luck to you ...and sorry for your loss!

On the positive 68chevy ~ least you're learning

Hope everything works out for you!

The passing of any family member is hard, especially if the two of You were really close, it like u lost ur best friend, but remember this, He ( your Father) will be watching and looking down at you from Heaven, and your Father will always be in your heart.
Now the divorce part, ben there, done that, it was tough, as im sure it was tough on you, but, please be certain, hat out of a bad situation comes light , love and happiness, u jus have to work on it.
The 50/50 part let the attorneys fight it out, thats what they are there for . Good Luck and my condolences on your friend, your Father, passing.

Some doors close, and other doors open. I'd say there is a positive side to everything - it is there you must look. You were blessed to have such a loving father. Let him be an example of how you'd like your future mate to be with your kids, and you. It's natural to feel sad and grieve - it seems it is that time for you now. But have hope that much better days are ahead. I'm not so great at giving advice all the time, but this I know: God is real. It is His domain to repair broken hearts. May your healing begin.

I feel for you. I am going through a divorce after being married for 23 years. It is very hard since she was the only one I ever dated. I don't know about you, but it wasn't my choice. I guess it is usually harder on the one who doesn't know it is coming. I have 4 boys, but luckily they are old enough to deal with this. I took some advise from a friend of mine, and sat them down this week, and told them that their mother and I are just getting a divorce from our situation, we are not divorcing them. We will still be friends, so that makes it easier on the kids.

Well, good luck, and I hope the best for you.

Tony

Read...books about such topics as coping with death, love and relationships. I've read this book called "An idiots Guide to a healthy relationship" sounds corny, but it helped me after my divorce 2.5 yrs ago. Plus find friends to talk to, far or close. Having someone to share thoughts with is important, so find a friend you can talk to. Read books to help you learn and grow. Keeping it simple, because there is no real cure, just finding someone to love you unconditionally is a work in progress. Take it slow, life passes you by fast enough.
Robert

wsheila...Im so sorry for your loss..both actually. I lost my father 12 years ago, and you are right..no one will love you like daddy. Divorce is a loss too, the loss of your family, your future. Be good to yourself, remember you are probably still in shock from losing your father...and that is a very real physical reaction. So dont let your ex push without getting help and advice from trusted friends, okay? Give yourself a break, remember the stages of grief are very REAL..(no one does them the same way, but they are there and need to be dealt with..) Most of all..remember to take care of yourself, because if you dont, you cant take care of your girls, right? Sending good energy and prayers your way...

Luvin
Ps..a good book that helped, not flowery or judgemental or telling you how is SUPPOSED to be..ect..."How to go on living when someone you love has died" wore out my old copy found a new/used one on yahoo for 9 bucks. Sometimes just knowing the stages and what happens helps you deal with it.

I really want to add something real quick. I just got a second. But.... I sound so bitter over that child support thing. Let me add, My ex husband is a much better father when you remove me from the scenerio. The girls have adjusted the part I struggle with is.... He has absolutly done everything possible to lower his income in effort to pay less to me. I want him to be part of their lives just like me. And I should not have sounded so judgemental toward men. Im not, Im just real sad. Thank you all so very much.

And as for my Daddy... It is physical pain unlike I could not have ever prepared myself for.

People will always look for a way out of responsibility, lowering his income, how pitiful is that. Shame, because this (I think) it's directed at you not ur girls. So just brush it off, there is nothing we can do to make him do the right thing. You just remain positive and stay on your path to happiness.

The loss of a family member is extremely hard... but every so often, find yourself a nice quiet place, and you will realize that though he has left this realm we call life; he is never far from you. Be it in your kids smile, a soft feel of wind on your shoulder, he will always be with you.

This divorce has just about emotionally destroyed me. He has the money not me. We have some joint things but our life style was based on his salary. He cut his 07 salary by $20,000. D/C life insurance policys that would go to the girls. Sold, traded, renamed you name it anything he could. We built a house and its an ok house. But it was no longer a home. He knows that the only thing he could take that matters to me is my girls and my crediablity. Well... he has just about done that very thing. He wants the girls to choose him over me. And stuff talks. But anyway, I have finally just caved he gets it all, House lots blah blah because stuff doesnt matter to me what it matters to him. But that doesnt change that I am just very sad over it. We were a couple no one would think would divorce. But here we are.

Very sorry to hear about your father. Good luck and keep your chin up. Go have a great dinner out with dessert.

Kinda like being constipated, this too shall pass. People come in & out of our lives for a reason & a season. Find the good things in your life & focus on them. Be in the momment. As for the bad stuff, batten down the hatches & ride thru the storm!!

Ha! Ha! Nicenurse64, Is it not funny the humor that comes from nursing. Yes, I will agree... this too shall pass!

Here is an update. I moved the last of my stuff out of my former house today and into storage. It makes me physically sick. And..... as mad as I can possibley be. Rejection stinks. Rejection, betrayal..... anyway, the sun cant shine on the same dog everyday. None of us get to walk with out rain.