dont trust him he has to earn it, because if he breaks yours or your son heart, you get to clean up after him.
your son should know his father but he left you and his child. so he gets nothing free

be strong and remember everyday your kid is what matters most

If it were me I wouldn't give the scum a chance... But if you still care for him and want your son to know him, let him around but be cautious and on your guard, don't let him hurt you, he's human creature of habit so if you do give him a chance make him earn his keep, work his sorry ass until you are positive you can trust him again!

i would not give him another chance but take it to court.....hopefully you are getting child support from him.....I have seen this happen way too much....although i have seen it the other way around too...where the female runs right after the baby is born. I think if they leave once they dont deserve another chance.....maybe to get to know his child....but not to be in a relationship with you again....ask yourself....is it worth the pain and suffereing to have him for a week, a month, a year, until he runs away when things get tough..??

i say this is bs he knew what he was doing
i say get rid of him any one can be a father but it's
some one special to be a dad..and there is lot's of
guy's who will step up and be just that...

Wow thats a tough call, because its your son that is going to be the one hurt if he walks out again. Maybe you should start out slow and let him come and see him for an hour at your place a few times a week. Set up times and see if he is going to keep those appts. See how trustworthy he really is.
I know I wouldn't start out by letting him take your son. I would make him come to your house and visit. I would make him prove to me that he knows exactly what he is doing before I would allow him to take that boy away from the house.
I don't think I would keep him away from his son IF he wants to see him. Thats his son also!! Just start off slow and make sure he wants a committment with his son, because a child is a lifetime committment!! Make sure he is aware that the next 18 years should be invested to his son!!
I wish you luck

He must of been really scared to see you go into labor.....consider yourself sort of lucky he wasnt there cuz men these days if they see a girl give birth they end up never wanting to have sex with you again...werid huh?but anyways It still very important for your man to be with you when you gointo labor for support..and the fact that he wasnt and never even came to see the baby right afterwards means hes pathetic...and he probab;ly been with many girls after that...do you really want him now?....u must of went threw hell wondering what happened to him...just get child support and let him i guess see the kid sometimes but dont go into a relationship with him hes a deadbeatdad im sure

Unfortunately... you are the only one that can make that decision... I would at very least, give it a try. Little bites at a time... Every child needs his father.

Let him see his son unless he is abusive .I wouldn't get back into a relationship with him but never bar him from seeing the child.

I guess i don't understand some of you.every one is saying he must have been scared. was he scared when he was
makeing the sweet little boy am thanking not.if he ant staying
around now what's to say he will at all ? if he would show some kind of careing i would say let him see his kid but if he don't
then close the door behind him and move on ther is alot of guy's
that would be more the happy to help you with the up bring of that boy...the thing of it all it's time that guy's that bring's little one on this earth should start maning up and
take care of them it's just not up to the women..sorry that's just how i feel...

Girl, just take him to court and collect child support. The last thing you need is MORE stress in your life. Don't give him another chance. Yes he's young, and labor is scary, but he still should of realized that you NEEDED him there and so did his baby. You were the one doing the pushing! All he had to do was show up and give some support, and he couldn't even do that. If you give him another chance, he's going to just continue dissapointing you over and over. Trust me, I'm going through the same thing right now, and I keep giving my baby's father chance after chance...it's not worth the pain. Go to court.

agreed.

You and your child's father have had a very rough beginning. Obviously you have both had feelings for one another. What you have to decide is whether you still have those feelings for him and whether you think it will be a good stable thing for you and your son if you get back together. If not, he still needs to know you want him to be in his son's life as much as he can as long as he is competent and responsible with your son. It may be difficult for you to do, but if your gut feeling is telling you to not jump back in with him; then you need to listen to yourself and tell the dad that his son needs him but not in both your lives right now. If he doesn't like it; then tough. You have been responsible, and still are, for making the best decisions possible for you and your son. And remember, to take good care of your son, you also have to take good care of yourself--emotionally, mentally, and physically. You can do it. Look how far you have come and what you've gone through without him. You are a strong, brave, and loving mom. Keep up the great work! Some day when your son is grown, you will look back at these difficult times and be forever glad you did the right thing for him and you--and your son will also; trust me, he will know mom was always there for him.

I am getting sick of all the bashing I am seeing in these types of threads. First and foremost everybody needs to wake up and realize that thisissue is HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW THE MOTHER (OR FATHER) FEELS ABOUT THE OTHER.
The question at hand is not whether or not the parents should get back together.
It is not wether or not they can get along.
It is not wether or not they like each other.

It is about wether or not the child in question HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW BOTH PARENTS. I do not give a rats arse how someone feels about there ex. In my case, I can not stand her sorry little....... What is important is that the child is raised knowing both parents if at all possible.

The only question(s) that should be getting asked when it comes to parent involvement (note I did not say custody, I said involvement; in other words visitation) is wether or not having contact with the absentee parent will be a danger to the child's health.

If this is the first time that he/she has come back looking to be in the childs life, then you need to close your mouth and your feelings, no matter how hard it is to do so, and you need to give your child the chance to know his/her father/mother. period. Now if the absentee parent runs again, or is not consistent with the visitation, THEN you may start thinking about blocking contact.


One of the biggest problems in the united states with kids this day and age (and this is a proven fact) is that so many were raised in one parent homes, where (classically speaking) the father was not present at all. It has been proven that a child needs to know BOTH parents no matter what, unless there is the danger of physical or emotional harm.

My personal opinion is that any single parent that tries to block contact from the other parent, without legal just cause should lose custody themself, for neglect of the child. But that is just my opinion. BOTH parents were willing to lay down and do the nasty, thus creating life for this child, then both parents need to step up and accept responsibility. And that MEANS allowing contact, and looking past your own feelings.


Sorry for the rant, but this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I am a single father with sole custody (after divorce) and am in the process of getting a no contact order because it IS dangerous for the kids to be around her. However, my feelings aside, I did everything I possible could these past three years to HELP her see our kids, so that they saw her as much as possible.

I don't think anyone is saying to keep the child from the father. You don't have to date the guy to keep him in the child's life. That's what everyone is saying...not to date him.

Ok, after I went back and read it, your right, the majority did nto suggest no visitation, with the exception of those quoted above. HOWEVER, the majority was ambiguous enough to come off sounding that way, unless you stop and tear what is being said apart.

And keep in mind, as I said, it is not just this particular post but similar ones in the past. I just can not stand watching one parent hold visitation over the other one, and it is done all the time. I wanna just take those that do it, and knock them upside the head in order to get them to see that all they are doing is hurting the child, because they can not be adult enough to be mature.

"Ok, after I went back and read it, your right, the majority did nto suggest no visitation, with the exception of those quoted above. HOWEVER, the majority was ambiguous enough to come off sounding that way, unless you stop and tear what is being said apart.

And keep in mind, as I said, it is not just this particular post but similar ones in the past. I just can not stand watching one parent hold visitation over the other one, and it is done all the time. I wanna just take those that do it, and knock them upside the head in order to get them to see that all they are doing is hurting the child, because they can not be adult enough to be mature."

I agree. I also don't think it's right or fair to the isolated parent and the children. My nephew is going through a tug of war right now with my sister and her ex, and seeing the effect it's having on him is heart breaking. I myself am pregnant right now and fighting with the father. Even though he pisses me off really bad, I would never think of keeping my daughter away from him. It wouldn't be right. She deserves to have both parents, and both parents deserve to be able to love their child.

very much true, my friend, and I am very glad to see I am not the only one that thinks that way!!!

I tried for three years to get my ex to see our children as often as possible, to the point of even lettig her move back in so she could be covered under my medical insurance, but she always had one reason or another to leave again, with no garuntee of when she would be back. Now she is living with someone who thinks it is cool and ok to threaten me in public and over the internet, intercept her emails with me (and hse knows he is doing this) and dictate to her when she can and can not see our kids. And on top of it all she has some serious health issues that had her in the mental health ward for approximately 6 months last year as a resident of the ward.

Her visitation is supervised only, and I had to ask the judge to allow that as he wasnt going to even allow her that. I finally told the court last week that I am unwilling to supervise anymore, and no one else is willing to either. i was going to let her have court supervised, but as I found out my county does not provide that service. So, in the end she is going to be out of luck.

That's sad for your kids...but they have you, and you can say that you actually tried to make things work with her for their sake. She made the choice to leave. That's what sucks...you can't force people to care. That's what I've been trying to make my ex do, but I realize now, that he does have a choice, and I hope when Ayshia's born, he will make the right one.

I hope so too. There's nothing better for a child that knows he/she is loved unconditionally by both parents, even when the parents are no longer together...

i have to say i wasn't able to have my own kid''s but i married a women with two, one was 2 year's and the other was one week old. thing's went well for ten year's then we went r own way's
the youngest one stayed with me he is now almost 18 hmm his real dad has never been in his life what so ever no brithday's no holiyday's nothing he don't even know what his kid look's like my son and he is my son is doing very well a's and b's in school he isn't out running around at night, i guess my point is you don't have to be the real father to be his's dad and yes i would do it all over agian it's time that men start maning up and do the right thing..you was ther to play and now it's time
to pay...