A relationship takes "work" because in any relationship, frienship or otherwise, there needs to be some type of compromise eventually, there's always some give and some take....but I see what you're saying that it should just be fun, I mean if all you do is the "work" part then you're probably not too compatible with that person, or something needs to be changed.

I agree Oldsage! I just don't consider the dilligent efforts "work" is all.

From this thread I'm seeing I just have a very different outlook on what is "work" and what is not.

Never heard it..but definitely agree!

When you come home from a 18 hr. day & your sig. other was promised a special nite out, with tickets to their favorite whatever & you would rather stay home & rest, because tomorrow promises more of the same. YOU WILL have to work at having a nice time. Just human nature.

LOL..thanks Oldsage! Now there is a definition of "work" I can understand! Now I can see it in that type of situation. And I know there is always at least a little amount of "work" involved. just so many seem to make it sound like a constant type of thing. For it to be a constant, then I would think something else is not right.

to maintain a relationship that you want to keep can be seriously considered to be work..in a way..
and depending on age.

when i was a younger man,my life was three things..playing rugby..going to the gym and staying fit for the sport and working..my relationships were many but brief..and that was fine with me..
now i;m older and ever since i started this construction/traveling career 5 years ago or so..no matter how hard i try to to keep a relationship going,it fails because i am never home...

my ladyfriends come with me to my destinations...
or when she is home i do my best to assure her that i do want to make the realtionship last..by phone..or by chatting..but you cant make something last long if you're away 6 months out of every year...

but i sure try hard to keep what i have,,when i have it

Different

Gwen & I had the best relationship most have ever seen. We quit working at it ( didn't see it that way) & got deeply involved at earning money. Almost broke up. Got help & realized we had to earn eachother/work at it everyday. So it became my mantra: Earn the relationship, everyday.

I agree with you, sumthing! I think this question is loaded because of the variations on definitions of "work". In my experience, when you love someone, you WANT to make "sacrifices" (although you do not necessarily see them as sacrifices), you WANT to compromise, you WANT to change and grow together over time. If these are things you want to do...then it is not felt to be "work".

On the other hand, if there are hidden agendas, control issues, self-esteem issues, etc., the above will feel like work because an invisible tally of "rights" and "wrongs" are kept in one's head.

Let me take this out of the context of a romantic relationship...My relationship with my son is quite challenging at times (he's on the brink of puberty ) ...and, I often do things that I would not do were he not in my life. I often do NOT do things that I would do if he were not in my life. I don't believe I've ever felt or thought that it was "work" building a relationship with him. I love him and I am blessed to have him in my life. We both "sacrifice" and compromise and give and learn and grow. It is quite a joy to do all of these things and to be a part of a constantly evolving relationship.

So...maybe it seems like work when one doesn't want to evolve? Or maybe, once again, the question is just loaded because of differing concepts of "work"?

Absolutely I agree. I just call that keeping "focus" on what is important and don;t consider that "work". I certainly understand what you are saying and know that any relationship take "effort" and "focus" to make that relationship grow and to keep things intereesting and fun. I just don;t consider it "work' most of the time is all.

Don't be distraut, my girlfriend has a man in iraq...shes seen him 2x a year for the last 3 years and she is okay with it...I question her about it...she just is okay with it...so it's possible though I am not sure I understand how.....

I agree. I have been fortunate also in the "relationship" area, because I have great, wonderful friends. And I mean "true friends", most over 20+ years now...one all the way back from the 3rd grade. And I beleive that a romantic relationship should be built on a "friendship" first anyway. So this may apply of why I also don;t consider many things "work".

Again, to me "work" is something you have to do whether you like it or not. So my willingness to put something into a relationship makes that not fall under "work".