My question to all of you..

When dating someone new, and it appears to be getting serious, how long do you wait until you introduce them to your children. Or maybe what's happened in the past. Or the time frame you plan on sticking to when you do find that special someone..

Any and all input is greatly appreciated!!

when you feel the time is right......no time limit......

I would wait until that point where you know you will still be actual friends even if it doesn't work out. It may be that you never introduce them.

i wouldn't introduce them to my kids till i knew it was going to be something long term for sure. my kid don't need a woman getting attached to him and him other just to have another mother figure leave him.....

maybe if you introduced the person as a friend 1st

I personally would not have anyone around my daughter that I would be dating. If it got seriously serious maybe I would introduce her after like 5 months or so.

never...and i so hope you're not one of those that dump their children to date...you just have to fit dates/sex in when you can around your children's schedules...hence my reason for being home on a sat nite

I was thinking 6mos-1yr

I just don't want to confuse them by introducing them to someone too soon.. Ya feel me??

Oh and have you ever dated someone who asked to meet your children before you were ready? How'd you feel about that?

yeah...men always want to get to know "da family"...no f*ing way

It depends primarily on the age & maturity level of the child, and the seriousness of the relationship. I agree with the person that said to introduce them as a friend, especially at the beginning of the relationship. Keeping them a "big secret" may be worse than a brief introduction.

Haha---far from, actually I'm close to the other end of the spectrum! I've been split up, going on 2 yrs. (My boys are 3 and 4 now) I've just come to realize that I cannot continue to live in my bubble and that there really is life after having children, you just play by different rules! (Like what you mentioned above)

Okay---say they are under 5, what then?

Whatever u do, don't do "s-in the city" or "Cramer vs Cramer" accidental introduction thing. Make sure the other person wears something when he/she goes to bathroom, even u think the child is sound a sleep!

i thought i was the only one...but if you are dating dont introduce until you know its going somewhere..

I say introduce them as a friend is a good idea. I do think you should get to know the person very well before you introduce them to your kids. I would have to know certain things about whom I was seeing before they ever met my kids.

I agree Age of the child and how well you actually know the person in question are key elements.

Since as a parent I was very picky who I personally dated AT ALL I think I avoided a lot of the should they meet the kids questions. My theroy was were were a package deal and if they were not good enough to meet my kids why would I want to go out with them anyway?

I have NEVER dated total strangers. If a date didn't come with some kind of references from friends or at least co-workers I didn't go out with them. I didn't casually give out my home address or phone to anyone. This was before untraceable cell phones were a dime a dozen but even with unlisted phone numbers I was particularly careful. I didn't, and still don't, date anyone I haven't checked out just out of respect to my own personal safety.

It isn't hard if you chat with someone a couple times; you ought to at least know where they work, a group they belong to, went to school, worshipped, at least a recreation league they belong to; take notes and ask around. There in lies the true value of friends and good relationships with people. Even then if they were not interested enough to chat on line or call at least a couple times why even go out. As a single parent my time was defintely at a premium and one date Johnnie's were just not worth the effort.

Did I ever find out later that I missed anyone worth while? No. Did I ever find out I had missed some real pains?... OH YEA! Did it hurt my dateing life? NO WAY. If anything my reputation for being "selective" preceeded me and guys other women were chaseing actually made "extra" efforts to date me. You set your own value by the value you assign yourself. If you take up a date with anyone then you have a wide margin for getting involved with a dud.

Sidebar; Which I think is the big key to a active and happy dateing life. The desireable members of the opposite sex have to see you, form a good impression, and want to make and effort to have that date. That is why you don't go out looking like a dog or act "ugly" to anyone even the grocery store clerk who may be in your child's PTA group. It is a small world and even in big cities you would be surprised how the eligible singles mingle and gossip and your reputation does proceed you. Nothing makes you desireable like someone saying "Yea that is so and so she is a lot of fun at my _____ group. A few of my best dates have been men who the waiter's and waitresses that I tip fairly have put in a good word for me and brought me a business card then later qued me in on their "low-down".
Being hyper picky might seem kind of snooty but you can say no thank you in a nice way. The thing about it is it kind of winnows the chaff which isn't exactly on topic but it does address setting a standard that kind of elevates the type of people who come around you and your little darlings in the first place.

Generally a lot of it is how you define meet if it is "Son this is my date tonight, Mr. Smith, we will be back at midnight so you do what the babysitter says " sure no problem after 4-6 dates when he has gotten to the he knows where I live status which I NEVER EVER rush. If it is "Son this is my/our supper guest Mr. Smith" then it would be after at least a dozen dates maybe more. I would qualify that with we would have probably already had Mr. Smith join us for an outing away from the home where if it wasn't particularly amicable naturally I could extract my children and myself comfortably. I always let my first impression of how the interaction went on neutral ground preceed anything in the home.

And while I never let my kids "pick" my dates I will say my interest took on a decided chill if for one reason or another my kids had a bad vibe with someone. Your kids and pets sense things sometimes before we do so I always took their intuition seriously. Especially since my children were very social children and knew loads of my plutonic friends from groups and work that we all belonged too. For those of you who haven't read my posts/profile I have a multicultural multi-ethnic family with profoundly impaired members that hardly maintained a low profile in the communities I lived. Believe it, or not, I didn't ever seem to feel it dissuade too many from at least "starting the process" of dateing. Maybe I was unawares that I was rejected who knows.

I do think the meeting the family on family ground is a very sellect privilege to be reserved for the this is serious relationships. Maybe even fiancee's. I think kids have enough to cope with with out home being "date central" and I didn't do the friends spend the night baloney. If my suitor or I couldn't afford privacy for intimacy then intimacy didn't happen.

shirley im a mother of two boys....they were 4&5 when i divorced
Like you i didnt know when the time would be right...but now i know it should have been then....my boys are now 15 and 14 and i wish i had let them meet the dates that i had. i didnt date alot of different men by no means. Its a fact of life that kids expect and want there parents to have normal lives. So i say go for it. there will be problems but your the adult and you set the rules not them....they will make you feel guilty of your time with someone else but remember you have a life too and when they get to be 15 and 14 there lives are just starting to wonder away from yours...they get more independent and your going to need someone yourself. Kids are truly the best things that every come into our lives they teach,they love freely, but they are also selfish at times. I think teaching them at a young age that they need to share you is important to them and you. you may not share every man but dont be afraid to share some. good luck

My daughter was 2 when I split up with my ex husband and my first rule was that I would never bring a guy around her until I was sure and I never did. Well I knew a guy at work for 2 years but he was in a relationship of 8 years and they broke up and we starting dating and he moved so fast but I really liked him had actually almost fallen in love with him over the 2 years we knew each other, so slowly he moved in bit by bit and got to know my daughter and she loved him from the beginning, then one day he told me he thought he was still in love with the ex. The first man I allowed in my child's life in 9 years and he just up and left and it broke her heart and I know I will never do that to her again. Even when you are sure, you can be wrong.

After you've sat and thought about if this person is going to be in your life for a long time. The kids always need to come first.

I agree 100% as to not letting the kids see different guys coming and going all the time. I stopped dating all together when my son was young thinking I was doing the noble thing, protecting him from the pain of disappointment if the guy walked after he'd gotten attached. I now regret it. He didn't get the benefit of seeing what a man/woman relationship entails, of how to show affection, of having anyone other than me in his life to "parent" him. He's now 15 and ill prepared for the dating scene, lagging behind his friends in many aspects (which I'm actually thankful for at this point) but which will make it difficult for him in the future. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish that I had taken the chance and allowed myself the opportunity to bring someone into our lives. There are no guarantees in love, a lesson your children need to learn as well. What if the guy hadn't walked and could have been a father figure for my son?!?! I deprived him of that opportunity although my intentions were good. So I guess what I'm trying to convey is to put your childen's interests first but don't abandon your needs in doing so. Make time for dating NOW and be honest with them, the kids and your dates about the boundaries. That's the best advice I can give.