I was married and my wife left me for a loaer and when I sa loser I mean loser. So a few years later I get into a relationship. Went 15 years, we broke up last year, and she left me for a loaer and when I saw loser I mean living with family can't keep ans has never held a steady job.

I mea I'm not a bad guy. Retired military and I have a few issues from combat but I deal with it. I may not be the most effective ate but holding hands and pda is not how I show affection. I'm not even close to rich but my bills are paid. What the hell is wrong with me?

And there you go again, attacking someone else who is only answering the question you yourself asked!

What I get from what you're writing is that you're very negatively focused, judgemental, and I sense deep sadness which might be why you spew anger.

You cannot express love by holding hands?
That's the least intrusive way to show affection. If even that is too much you may want to seek some help.
If you can get into a softer warmer vibe, better able to express your feelings & affections -verbal & non-verbal- you may find you'll do much better in life in general AND in love.

No one feels good around someone who cannot show warmth & affection, instead holds & exudes anger, and when in relationship with such a person you get affected by that too.
Human beings need love, touch, hugs, touch, shows of affection, touch, and care and touch. Touch is very important! That's part of our nature.
When you cannot give that, you deprive your partner of it too.
Logical that goes wrong.

First thing to do is to stop accusing and judging other people. Stop spreading anger and chaos around you.
Learn to focus on good things in your life.

Get your life squared away