ok my neighbor has an abusive x. She wont press charges, or file a restraing order. My problem is everytime something happens i hear about it. So do i stop being her friend or try and help? i give her advice but she never takes it.

call the cops.......simple....

I had the same problem with one of my friends, it killed our friendship. You don't have to stop being friends but you should stop enabling her... there's a fine line.

Give me his address and Ill show that punk what it feels like to abuse a woman

Just tell her if she isn't willing to respect herself... She should expect you to respect her and you really don't need the drama. You just don't have the patience or time to deal with someone who wont learn and wont stand up for herself...
We help those that are willing to help themselves... :)

I was in that situation muyself years ago. My best friend wouldnt listen and I couldnt take it. I finally told her that I could npo longer be her friend and watch the two of them destroy each other, possibly one of them get killed. I told her that I loved her and wanted the best for her but that it hurt too much. I walked away for years. You know what....she called earlier last year, she left her abusive relationship and is now engaged to man so worthy of her, and she deserves him. I am proud of her and her new life. SHe thanked me for walking away. It helped to open her eyes.

Don't call the cops, don't get someone to beat him up...
It's not your problem and it's not for you to get involved in other peoples lives. Just stop being her friend, who need friends like that anyway. People are so quick to forget that we pretty much choose every situation we put ourselves in...

justkev....wouldn't want to be him...with u around...good for u..nice comment...

I would say, "You know I'm your friend, and I care about what happens to you. But you've made it obvious that you have no interest in putting a stop to what your ex is doing. We've talked about this many times, and nothing has changed. I find it frustrating that you're so willing to accept being treated like garbage; you deserve better. I really have no desire to be constantly reminded that my friend is consenting to be treated this way; so I think, for the sake of our friendship, it would be best if you didn't talk to me about this situation anymore, at least not until you make a decision to do something about it."

That's what I'm talking about, people like that are sometime looking for attention or have deeper issues that if you get involved, it usually escalates the drama and puts you dead center. Don't fuel the flames.

I am in pretty much the same boat with my best friend. He is not physically abusive but if you ask me emotional abuse is just as bad, if not worse.Over the course of 3yrs they have broken up 7 times. And each time he comes crying to her begging her to take him back saying he will change. I have said time and time again I was not going to listen to her anymore but I just cant do that because she is my best friend and I am there for her. One of these days I pray she will see that he is not right for her and she will dump the loser.But she has to be the one to see it, no matter what I tell her it has to be her decision. If she does it for the rest of us then she will feel guilty about it and when he comes begging she will have someone to blame. When she finaly sees the light she will finally be rid of him because it will be her choice. I just hope that day doesnt come too late.

Do they have kids in the house?

If so, you have a duty of care to those kids, they are subjected to child abuse, being in the same house domestic violence is occurring and you know about it.

If there are kids in that house, family services need notifying.

Amen to that one, I grew up in a effed up environment... I turned out damn fine, but I wouldn't say I was nurtured at all in my younger years... Only when grandma took me in and gave me a better environment... Lucky she wasn't too late... If kids are in the house... CALL THE COPS!

thanks guys and YES there are kids in the house i called the cops and problem solved SHE's mad at ME. lol for trying to help her. and he took his kids to her house to have the shoving match and screaming fit.

iam gonna give her the space she needs and hopes she wises up.
thanks for the info everyone

Sometimes it's hard to tell your heart the right thing to do. I'm in your friend's situation...except no kids and my ex has a drug problem. I know him with and without drugs...and clean and sober he's a great guy...and the dope changes him into a monster. With the drugs he's abusive both verbally and physically...a true piece of s*&t. Logically I should just move on...but my heart still belongs to him and it's easier said than done.

My mom's told me that if I go back to him ever again she'll no longer talk to me or have anything to do with me. My best friend says the same thing. Even though, my heart wants to be with him...the clean and sober him. I miss the memory of the good times. Logically I know that they will never come back...my heart's got a different idea though.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do from outside the situation. Threats don't always work, and you shouldn't have to hurt because you care about someone.

I was in a similiar situation. I stayed in that abusive relationship for 10 years. It took him going to the federal pen for me to be able to get away from him and keep him away from me permanantly. He even had the gall to try to contact me just before being released for the 2nd or 3rd time wanting to get back together. To this day I still care about him but I never answered his letter. He hasn't tried to contact me since then that I know of. It took time and moving on with my life for my very strong feelings for him to diminish. Sometimes being strongly devoted to someone is not a good thing.

oh, it's definately not a good thing...but being an addict as well...I understand, somewhat. Maybe it'll never end. Maybe I'll be a statistic...maybe not. I dunno...

N8Short--No one in their right mind woud want to be abused. Sometimes people flip out. Sometimes people are trapped. Kudos to the man who said he'd defend the woman from the abuser.
"You Da Man"

Nothing you say will help your friend.The best thing to do if you see abuse with your own eyes is call the cops.Threatening to beat up the abuser does no good.Even if you or somebody beats the dude up,it won't do any good.Trust me, I grew up in this stuff.The girl will have to learn the lesson on her own unfortunatly.Anything you do will make you look like a bad guy.Just call the police and let the chips fall where they may.

That may be right. Still I worked with some people who were put in terrible unexpected situations. It isn't always a codependent type of thing.