A young Jewish guy visits a pawnbrokers to raise some funds
He produces a fine gold pocket watch,the shopkeeper offers £10.000
They agree, the shop keeper takes note if his ID and explains he needs to enter how he comes to own the item
My grandfather sold it to me on his deathbed explains the guy

Jimmy from Southport checks into a hotel in Malta for the first time in his life and goes up to his room.

Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, “Ya have given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”

The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd.

Have you looked for the door?”

Jimmy from Southport replies “Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom.

There’s a second door that goes into the closet.

And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a ‘do not disturb’ sign on it.”

Thank you for the laughs you two...

A young, cute, blonde woman walks into an appliance store, points and says to the salesman, " Ooh,ooh, sir that has to be the cutest television set, I want it so badly, how much?".
The salesman says while pointing to a large sign on the wall, " As the sign says we don't sell to blondes!!!"".

The young woman, distraught, leaves out and on her way home stops in a wig store and purchases a long haired red wig and dark glasses. The following day she returns to the appliance store, walks up to the salesman and says, " Darling be a dear and take my credit card, and wrap up that t.v. for me!.".
The salesman says, " Look I'm busy and like I told you yesterday, WE DON'T SELL TO BLONDES!".

The woman runs out of the store, tears streaming down her cheeks, returns back to the wig store and buys the longest haired brown wig that she could find, goes home, gets dressed the following day dons the wig and glasses, hastens to the store, enters and with her voiced raised says, " My good man, be a dear and wrap up that color television set, while I plop down the money so that I can hurry out because I'm doubled parked!".

The salesman says, " Enough is enough, leave right now and if you ever come back I'll have you arrested for trespassing, I told you we don't sell to blondes!!!".

The young women removes the wig and as she heads for the door, through a river of tears she says, " Okay, okay, I'm leaving and will never come back, but tell me how did you know it was me?".

The salesman says while closing the door behind her," Because that's a microwave oven!!!".

Lol....