Topic: Leaving
Slkmchet's photo
Sat 07/06/19 07:00 PM
Hi folks is it had of me to leave wife after 22yrs and the thing is, I have been a carer for her for over 15yrs. I am tired of carinand need to be away from this or I will become so down I may have no way to keep sane.
Help and all advice is welcome.

no photo
Sat 07/06/19 08:52 PM
To me its simple. Do you really love her or do you pity her.
Its a no brainer. If you love her unconditionally than her problems are yours and you act responsibly. But if not than its time to leave.

oldkid46's photo
Sun 07/07/19 09:40 AM
It very much depends on your actual situation. What does being her carer really mean? Is she physically unable to care for herself? Is she able but unwilling to care for herself? If she is unable, then you should find help caring for her so you can have some freedom and still have a life. If the problem is her unwillingness to care for herself, then leaving is a viable choice. In some ways you could still help her after you leave if she would accept that help.

oldkid46's photo
Sun 07/07/19 09:45 AM

To me its simple. Do you really love her or do you pity her.
Its a no brainer. If you love her unconditionally than her problems are yours and you act responsibly. But if not than its time to leave.

Sorry but I don't see it as simple. You can love the person your partner once was but hate the person they have become.

no photo
Sun 07/07/19 10:01 AM
Edited by Sheri on Sun 07/07/19 10:04 AM


To me its simple. Do you really love her or do you pity her.
Its a no brainer. If you love her unconditionally than her problems are yours and you act responsibly. But if not than its time to leave.

Sorry but I don't see it as simple. You can love the person your partner once was but hate the person they have become.


Sorry but i dont think the same as you. We are all human. We never stay the same. Age, health and other things change us over the years. Love is unconditional through all lifes ups and downs, whether we change or not we have to accept this.
Hate is a very strong word for someone you should of loved from the beginning. I think someone needs to talk to a therapist and find there own inner demons.

Mike6615's photo
Sun 07/07/19 03:40 PM

Hi folks is it had of me to leave wife after 22yrs and the thing is, I have been a carer for her for over 15yrs. I am tired of carinand need to be away from this or I will become so down I may have no way to keep sane.
Help and all advice is welcome.


We may not know enough about your situation. But yes, for anyone here who's done it, caregiving can become a physical and mental strain after a time. Can you afford to move her into an assisted living center? Here in the US, they have different pay levels according to her level of care needed. Are there any ways your government in Ireland can financially help? If you haven't yet, these are some the possibilities you might want to look into. Good luck.

Rock's photo
Mon 07/08/19 11:28 PM
The important questions to ponder...

Does your wife know, that you're steppin' out,
behind her back?

Does your wife's divorce attorney know,
that you're an adulterer?


no photo
Sun 07/28/19 08:14 PM
Edited by Unknow on Sun 07/28/19 08:17 PM


To me its simple. Do you really love her or do you pity her.
Its a no brainer. If you love her unconditionally than her problems are yours and you act responsibly. But if not than its time to leave.

Sorry but I don't see it as simple. You can love the person your partner once was but hate the person they have become.
This is my situation. I once loved him, but when someone plays head games and uses manipulation for fear of being left alone. Well I am done and had enough.

ragin' cajun's photo
Mon 07/29/19 11:35 PM

Hi folks is it had of me to leave wife after 22yrs and the thing is, I have been a carer for her for over 15yrs. I am tired of carinand need to be away from this or I will become so down I may have no way to keep sane.
Help and all advice is welcome.
being acare giver is very hard and can take everything out of you find a support group someone to help with it so you can get away and have a life

klaratrish's photo
Tue 07/30/19 03:19 PM
Lets go to Cuba, Mid November, I'll help you get away, do something you need to do. get out of town, different scene. Its a good deed trip. Can only tell you in person about it.
Anyway, if you think about it, if you need to get away NOW. I am good for weekends, to help you get away, get mind and body somewhere different. Care and concern, my mom was a lot!!

klaratrish's photo
Tue 07/30/19 03:20 PM
caregiver is a difficult job, RESPITE, is TIME OUT, its ok, to do this.

Its very ok.

klaratrish's photo
Tue 07/30/19 03:23 PM
If she was a good wife, she would notice unless, she can't notice.
Its very difficult, I took an Alzeimher with family course. I met care givers, tired, wanting to do it, but YOU, YOU YOU have to take care of yourself also.

On the plane,
when you loose oxygen,
who do you put the mask on first?

YOU

klaratrish's photo
Tue 07/30/19 03:24 PM
Go Girl xo

Totage's photo
Tue 07/30/19 03:27 PM

Hi folks is it had of me to leave wife after 22yrs and the thing is, I have been a carer for her for over 15yrs. I am tired of carinand need to be away from this or I will become so down I may have no way to keep sane.
Help and all advice is welcome.


Women do it all the time. She'd most likely do the same to you. At the end of the day, do what's best for you.

no photo
Mon 08/05/19 12:31 PM
You sound like you are in serious need of some respite care, so that you don't
buckle under the strain. I know how much it takes out of you and you have to look after yourself as well.

no photo
Tue 08/06/19 12:56 PM



To me its simple. Do you really love her or do you pity her.
Its a no brainer. If you love her unconditionally than her problems are yours and you act responsibly. But if not than its time to leave.

Sorry but I don't see it as simple. You can love the person your partner once was but hate the person they have become.
This is my situation. I once loved him, but when someone plays head games and uses manipulation for fear of being left alone. Well I am done and had enough.


When theres mental health issues you need to find your partner a therapist or a hospital so they can get care.

anilkoli's photo
Sat 08/31/19 11:32 PM
The important questions to ponder...

Does your wife know, that you're steppin' out,
behind her back?

Does your wife's divorce attorney know,
that you're an adulterer?


hi