ok when i was with my sons father i was more of the partier type but once i got prego i changed and broke up with his dad because i didnt think he could change. well we didnt talk practically the whole pregnancy and he didnt see our son till he was 3 mos old, but now he is coming around a little more and keeps asking me to give him another chance but he is still on the same level as he was with the drugs and stuff so i just dont know what i should do because i know that it would be good for my son if his parents were together but it would be terrible for him to grow up with his dads lifestyle... any advice???

tell him to quit the drugs.if he does then he's ready to be a father. if he don't then his lifestyle is more important.

well he is ur childs dad so tech he has a right to see his son

but if you dont want ur son around the drugs and around that lifestyle dont take him back.. tell him he wants to see his son.. thats fine.. he better not be high or whatever when he's coming to see him . but if he cant give up that lifestyle you dont need him around full time and niether does ya'lls kid

The only advive that I can give is to be very honest with your mate. Tell him you would like him in the picture for the health of your baby and your own happiness, but the old ways have to go. You need him to be there at any time. So the party lifestyle has to be over for a while.
I think if he realizes this, things might change for the better. Good luck to you and your baby.

u guys don't have to be together for him to be a good dad. as long as he takes care of hisson, makes sure he has eveything he needs, like clothes, shoes, diapers, and food. and takes him to spend time with him, that is all that matters. if he is still into drugs and partying then your son doesn't need to bearound that anyway. tell him that if he changes he can have his son for the weekend to start with then see whaere it goes from there

If you have changed and he has not maybe you should sit him down and have a heart to heart. If you want to give him another chance then you should tell him all the things that need to change. Things that you have changed and he has not. Do not take the child away from him.As a parnet that is the worst thing that we do to our childern.If you do not trust him then let him have supervised visits and hopefully it will wake him to the fact that your child needs both of you.I hope that you will be able to work together to raise a happy and healthy child, because in the end thats all that really matters.

If he truely wants to be a part of his childs life, then I think he would clean up his act...at least around his child. Having a natural born father around is good, but there are other men out there who are not into the whole drugs/alcohol scene, and willing to date women with children. Kinda sounds to me like he is more interested in you than the child, but I don't know the whole situation. I say hold him at bay, if he wants to spend time with his child, then allow it while you are there. I don't think you should re-involve yourself with a party-animal while you have a child because this will affect your child.

first of all u broke up with him cause he still had a partying life....... yet at this time sounded like u were around him all the time..... now that he is coming around a "little", hasnt changed<still does drugs partys etc>... why would you be possibly even debating this?......

I've been a paralegal for twenty years working in criminal law...I can tell you right now...it never works staying together for the babies sake. if he is doing drugs, it is a matter of time before he gets busted for those drugs..if you are there, you will be arrested and that baby taken away from you. So, think twice about getting back with him until he has totally cleaned up his act.

it made u unhappy before thats why u left... nothing has changed other than hes not around as much.... why be unhappy around your baby?

sportsnut nailed it on the head i couldnt have said it any better

If he is not willing to get clean, give him the boot!!!!

Been there done that girl-You can't just tell him, "hey quit the drugs." It is an addiction and needs to be dealt with accordingly. Let him take you to court for visitation and tell the judge you want UAs done. Believe me if he fails even one the judge will make him go to rehab-and that is a court order. He can't bail out on that. You child does NOT deserve to grow up around drugs or anyone for that matter this is doing drugs-even if he doesn't do them around your child, the drugs still affect his behavior OVERALL. Just think about this...I would rather have my kids be FROM a broken home than to LIVE in a broken home...

oh..forgot about that whole guilty by association thing, she's right, watch your step around him

do you really have to ask this question? hmm lets see, you have a kid and this loser is on dope! pretty cut and dry if you ask me.

well he keeps telling me that he dosent have a reason to change rite now but if i get back with him hed have a family and a reason to change but i just cant chance it! and as for the visits i dont trust him to be alone with him yet so yes i told him he can come to my house whenever he wants but our son is 6 months old and he has chose to see him 3 times... i just dont believe a word he says but my family and friends are pressuring me to give him a chance, yes i still have feelings for him but im thinkin of my sons future! thanks for the advice everyone

I can understand your wanting your son to grow up with his dad. the beauty of this situation is that your son doesn't know his biological dad, so I would suggest not having anything to do with this guy and find some one on the straight and narrow and have this guy be his dad. simply cut off communication with him. he needs a reason to stop? WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSH1T this jackass having a baby should be all the reason he needs. does he even hold a steady job?

what hardworkingmom2 says. really i would email her...
it is extremely important for the health and well being
of you and your son. although the father does certainly
have the right to know his son and be in his life, he
has the responsibility also to be clean and sober with
you both.

ok, first off he already has a reason to change...he has a son! and secondly, I think family often wants their children to be taken care of and mistakenly think that because he is the father he should be the one to do that. You're going to have to make them understand his behavior is not the best for your son. Actions speak louder than words, dear. And finally, you are a beautiful young woman and should have absolutely no trouble finding a man that fits in your life...it will all work out, just keep your head on straight and put your son's intrests first.

He will always be your sons father and he should always step up to the plate and always BE his father with whatever support is necessary. It would be a huge mistake for you to get back with him for the sake of your child because if he has not changed, your son will be the one who suffers the most. Grant your son a happy childhood by doing what's best for YOU, that ends up being what's best for him.