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| Topic: baby daddy trouble... need advice?!? | |
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ok when i was with my sons father i was more of the partier type but once i got prego i changed and broke up with his dad because i didnt think he could change. well we didnt talk practically the whole pregnancy and he didnt see our son till he was 3 mos old, but now he is coming around a little more and keeps asking me to give him another chance but he is still on the same level as he was with the drugs and stuff so i just dont know what i should do because i know that it would be good for my son if his parents were together but it would be terrible for him to grow up with his dads lifestyle... any advice??? You have to tell him to be a good father he must be a good example for his child and drinking and partying is not a good example so he needs to set that life down first. Also, is he working?? He cannot be help to the household without a job. Of course you must consider how you and he get along too. If you are fighting all the time that is traumatic for the child to be around. Good luck 
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he says he works construction but i havent seen anything from it he hasnt even bought him diapers or helped out with medical bills or anything! i am thinking about having a talk with him he just has a really bad temper and i dont know how he will react to this expecially if hes high... so IDK!
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I didn't read every post here, but I glanced through a couple.
Just because he donated the sperm to create a child does not mean that he has a RIGHT to see the child. If he wants to grow up, be a man, take responsibility for his actions and face up to the fact that he has created a child ... THEN he has the RIGHT to see the child. #1 rule - no one ever changes. they make different decisions based on more mature opinions. however, if he has stated that he has no reason to change unless you take him back, he will never change ... or at least not any time soon. If he wants to drop the drugs then he can see his son, drugs are dangerous to a child whether that child can get a hold of them or not. The lifestyle isn't your say. If he brings home hookers because he was out partying all night instead of spending time with his son that he is keeping, that's one thing ... |
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single....you have to do your thing, not his. There are MANY guys out here that would treat you with respect. Don't make a mistake with this guy.
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well he keeps telling me that he dosent have a reason to change rite now but if i get back with him hed have a family and a reason to change but i just cant chance it! and as for the visits i dont trust him to be alone with him yet so yes i told him he can come to my house whenever he wants but our son is 6 months old and he has chose to see him 3 times... i just dont believe a word he says but my family and friends are pressuring me to give him a chance, yes i still have feelings for him but im thinkin of my sons future! thanks for the advice everyone ok, first off he already has a reason to change...he has a son! and secondly, I think family often wants their children to be taken care of and mistakenly think that because he is the father he should be the one to do that. You're going to have to make them understand his behavior is not the best for your son. Actions speak louder than words, dear. And finally, you are a beautiful young woman and should have absolutely no trouble finding a man that fits in your life...it will all work out, just keep your head on straight and put your son's intrests first. sooooo true!!! and hes using excuses already for his druguse... which goes to show he isnt going to change... |
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maybe he needs a place to live too?
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BINGO!! BINGO!!
BINGO!! |
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he says he works construction but i havent seen anything from it he hasnt even bought him diapers or helped out with medical bills or anything! i am thinking about having a talk with him he just has a really bad temper and i dont know how he will react to this expecially if hes high... so IDK! If you are afraid of him, that is a good sign you do not need to be with him. Bad tempers cannot be patient with children who need the utmost patience and care. Do not assume that because he was the donor he is good father material. Many men are not good fathers and ruin their children because the mother thinks it is better for the child to have two parents. Think about it long and hard before you do anything. It is not for the good of the adults, the child is the ultimate concern, what is good for the child should be foremost in both of your minds. Good Luck
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Edited by
single_mommy_b
on
Wed 12/12/07 08:16 AM
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maybe he needs a place to live too? thats not it... he has a place with his cousin.  so yeah...
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in all honestly.... i married a peice of art like that...... if u want to support him and your children and fear leaving him for 5 yrs... id say go for it sounds all familiar to me.... not only that it gets worse....
couldnt even come up with 140 a month for 2 kids after i got the courage to leave him.... that was 20 yrs ago...... and 3 yrs ago he was in the local newspaper....... hummmmm for someone picking him up for prostitution?  im sure he was going to thug that person for the money.... so he could buy his drugs... i dunno.... id just sit back myself if i were u and see if he stands up to being a real daddy!!!! cause mine never did.... never had a thing to do with them after i quit supporting him...i thank gawd he was never in my childrens life for any longer.... monetary or mentally.... ps... i recieved support... the support i recieved was the 250 they took from him on 2 different jobs cause he quit the job once they took 125 bucks from him! and he also worked construction.... lots of under the table jobs in that trade... so they dont have to step up to the plate..... and 250 doesnt cut it for 15 yrs and 17 yrs i supported those kids... im just thankful that i did support them and he wasnt in their life teaching them crime and beating them and me etc......
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remember this..... you are young have a beautiful child as u are beautiful too..... and u deserve much better!
much better things will come your way...sometimes u gotta wait for them
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you have to be very careful! he has a bad temper, he
has a drug problem, he has not indicated a desire to clean up. but he wants to bring all these problems into your life and the life of your baby boy. please just be careful. you are very vulnerable right now and you really need support and definitely not more problems. i have no doubt that he may genuinely want to be a part of his son's life and yours as well but it could easily make a difficult situation much worse. |
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Once you become a parent your main focus is your child (children). If his lifestyle is one that will be harmful to your son and you, then there is no debate. Like some other have already said, sit and talk with him. Tell him it would behoove all interested parties if he would change his life for the better. If not then raise you son. He can still be a father even if you two are not together. I wish you much luck.
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he says he works construction but i havent seen anything from it he hasnt even bought him diapers or helped out with medical bills or anything! i am thinking about having a talk with him he just has a really bad temper and i dont know how he will react to this expecially if hes high... so IDK! You can't even talk to him right now.....why would you even consider the relationship!! My girls have a drug addict father and take my word for it ......he needs to change on his own....you can not do it for him!! You need to just worry about yourself and that beautiful baby!!
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drugs inhance bad tempers too .... oh ill leave it at that....ill just say this.... and not go into detail... once the kids are bruised that is where u draw the line..... im sure when u reject him u will hear the spew of no one will want u cause u have a baby... and then the emotional beat down will start happening first..... that u are fat or whatever.... my gawd i was 5'4 and 120 lbs i was fat..... funny how i beleived it for 20 yrs later
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drugs inhance bad tempers too .... oh ill leave it at that....ill just say this.... and not go into detail... once the kids are bruised that is where u draw the line..... im sure when u reject him u will hear the spew of no one will want u cause u have a baby... and then the emotional beat down will start happening first..... that u are fat or whatever.... my gawd i was 5'4 and 120 lbs i was fat..... funny how i beleived it for 20 yrs later the sad part is i can just picture him doing the same... and it takes a strong person to go through that and im not ready for that i just dont know how to keep him away, well he can still visit his son if he wants... supervised... but he thinks because i have his child that im his or whatever and he is a nice guy at times but my son deserves better so how do i tell him i dnt want to be with him without him going off the hook?? |
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hey single, if he hasn't changed then you totally deserve someone that's gonna treat you like a queen and accept you for you and your son... as for visitation....have you thought about getting full custody? just a suggestion...
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To me it sounds as if you were both into the same things until you got pregnant. Maybe or maybe not you changed your lifestyle as far as "partying" goes that's not the issue I think though. Having children takes two not so adults, and is the not a good enough reason to stay in a bad relationship. In fact trying to force the issue may make things worse between the two of you. But it is good that he wants to be a part of your child's life in whatever capacity he's thinking, but make sure it's not just to get back into your life but the child's.
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