Post em up. I'll start.



Why did the Little Boy Fall off the Swing?




Because he had no arms.

why did the chicken cross the street?







Because it was in my stomach.

that's a cute one

what the hell? that made no sense.....

how many male sexiest pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

none, thats the b1tch's job!

lmao, that was hilarious

what the hell? that made no sense..... LOL

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Following the Christmas Spirit Myers.


What did the Blind, Retarded, Deaf Girl get for Christmas...?






....






Cancer.





I am so going to hell...

That is just so wrong, your gonna have to say 10 hale marries for that.

I'll do 20 just in case.

a farmer has 3 sons, he's getting old and can't manage the farm like he used to so he decided it's time turn it over to one of them but which one? so he comes up with an ingenius plan. he gives each boy a duck and says who ever comes back with the most money for the duck gets to run the farm.

first kid goes out and comes back a few hours later and says "dad, i got 15$ for selling my duck to a chinese restuarant."
"good good " says the dad

next child goes out and comes back 4 hours later and says "dad i got 18$ for selling my duck to a petting zoo"
"good good' says the dad"
finally it's little johnny's turn, the youngest and least bright of the 3. he's gone for 3 days and for the life of him he can't find one single person to buy his duck. finally he comes around to a whore house where the lady at the door stops him and says "hey, thats a mighty fine duck you got there. tell you what kid i'll do you for that duck". johnny thinks for a few minutes "i'm not smart enough to sell this duck so i mise well get a lay out of it" and he proceeds in. 2 hours later johnny comes back out of the whore house but before he manages to leave the hooker stops him and says "listen kid you were the best guy i've ever had in my life. i've never had a man please me like you did. i'll give you the duck back if you do it agian". being a young horny man he thinks what the hell and goes back in. 2 hours later out comes little johnny with his duck. right when he gets to the door the duck squirms free and flies out tot he middle of the road where it is promptly hit by a car. johnny is devestated, the man driving the truck gets out telling him how sorry he is over and over and hands little johnny 20$ to pay for his loss.

little johnny gets home and his dad asks how it went. johnny says " i'm sorry dad but i killed the duck" dad comforts him him and asks if he got anything at all out of it.
johnny a little emabaressed and doesn't want to say but finally his father urges him to tell

" well i.....
i......"
"just out with it son"
"fine...."
"i got a f*ck for a duck, a duck for a f*ck and 20 bucks for a f*cked up duck!"

What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?



A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

an indian ooppss my bad, native american walks into a grocery store, goes up to the clerk and says "me need toilet paper but me no have big money". clerk replies "thats ok we have lots to choose from" and proceeds to show him thier stock.
"this here is double ply, nice and soft. comes quilted for your comfort"
"no, too big money"
"ok, here we have the single play, still pretty soft and quilted but only half the price"
"no, too big money"
"ok down here we got the cheapest generic brand"
"what means this generic?"
"it's just like the others but has no name"
"me take it"
the indian buys it and leaves. next morning he comes back and walks back tot he clerk.
"me have name for toilet paper"
"oh yeah whats that?"
" john wayne!"
"john wayne? why the hell name it that?!?!"
"cuz it rough, it tough, it take no sh1t off nobody!"

Agree wmyers...I mean seriously that was just wrong

Why was the Polock arrested for indecent exposure?


Someone asked him to count to eleven.

"sir! whats this?!?"
"it's a polish hand grenade"
"what do i do with it?"
"pull the pin and throw it back!"

is it just me or does hashish sound like a arab waiter?

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker??

A hooker washes her crack and sells it again.........

You have a good point there