A more general observation:

when I find that I am forced to deal with something that I never wanted to have to deal with, and when I am plagued in my own mind by the challenge, that the main thing to STOP doing, is staring at it in frustration or upset. Stop making my life about what is undesired, and make it about something, anything forward going at all.

In other words, instead of focusing on what I don't or can't have, I work actively on getting something or accomplishing something else. I think that's the essence of what most people are saying here. The thing is, whatever I do instead, has to be something I actively want to do. If it's JUST a distraction, all I'll be able to see, is that I am playing games with myself, and so I wont stop staring into the abyss.

Humor can help a lot of people. A lot of the best comedians of the world, have been people who were very sad or fearful or frustrated within their own lives, who decided to make the most absurd jokes about it all that they could, in order to thumb their noses at the insanity or absurdity of it all.

I can actually sign this. I have four lovely cats. They never let me down. Most human do so

When I first started working on it I too saw this in my distractions.
I asked my counselor about it and she said it "most certainly" will strike you as just a distraction but stick with it anyway.
I did and I realized even though I knew it was just a distraction I felt better over-all.
I still use simple distraction when it creeps in on me and so far it works.

Concentrating on a mundane distraction refocuses thought processes.
Oh, I'm feeling a bit lonely, I guess I'll sweep the floor, but I am not going to just sweep the floor, I'm gunna move things and sweep under them, oh would that chair look good over there? Then I'm gunna take my broom outside and wash it all out with the hose. Oh hey, the bushes could use trimmed. Now I'm going in and getting a file so I can sharpen my hedge trimmers...and so on.

When I'm done, the depressive thoughts are no longer invading my mind.

I believe you previously stated on another thread that you get to see your children regularly. YOu should count small blessings. Many divorced people never see their children again. Take your mind off of yourself and try some of the suggestions that people have given you. We also have suffered divorces, deaths, being widowed, or abused, etc. etc. etc. It is up to the person to pull themselves Up again and become the best person you can be. No one is saying you don't feel hurt or lonely. We all know what that feels like, but living in the past only puts you deeper into a dark place. Think of your children... how do you appear to them? they are important. Even if there's a bit of pretend, when you are with them you need to be cheerful, make their lives the best possible. PLEASE go back to your threads and read them and read this one from top to bottom. People ARE trying to be helpful.

..
All very good advice... I make these posts not so much about me but just to get people talking about.. certain life situations
It's sometimes nice to give people a place to vent to talk about experiences they've had in their lives.. to share.. stories and advice... and hey!!! it's better than just playing on the game boards..wink.

If I didnt have my dog, I would be soo lonely.

I dont like being single and alone at all,

but its better than being in a bad relationship,

and I just keep reminding myself that.

By the way,

your adorable.

Wish you were closer we could make each other less lonely.

Just quoting to make my point that some might be blind to..

I can be kinda dense sometimes when it comes to forum posts.

Something that many don't realize is the loneliness some people feel is not true loneliness.
There are people in their lives, they just don't feel that special connection they convince themselves they need.

Having spent many years alone, nobody else around (just me), loneliness has a different feel to it. There is nobody there. The only other people ya see or interact with are strangers you meet while shopping.
That is true loneliness.
There are people on these forums that are truly alone.
They may go a week or even weeks without seeing or interacting with another soul in person.
If they have found the forums, many will just read but not participate.
I was like that till I found someone here.
I participated because it helped me not think about how alone I was all the time.
I passed out awhile back.
I woke 3 hours later with a split lip and a helluva headache.
Nobody picked me up, nobody knew.
If I had died, I would have laid there till the stink built up and the neighbors complained (unlikely because I have a sealed house with the a/c on) or till the landlord came by to figure out why I haven't paid rent for a couple months.

To those that are alone and reading this, I know how you feel.

Time just goes on. You just get used to it. And focus on it less. It's a bit like sex. You always miss it. But the initial period is way harder, because you've just become accustomed to it. Everybody is different I suppose. I've tried to reason behind what keeps me in a prison of loneliness. But unfortunately in my situation, the knowledge doesn't help, neither does being ignorant of it. I hate that I have to distract myself from it. Sometimes I'll focus on it. It is pretty miserable sometimes, and incredibly disempowering. Yeah, animals are totally cool. Far better than humans. Talk to the cat. Try go to s different country for awhile. Experience a different culture and perspective on things. Its not a magic bullet, but hey, just sitting in a room on your own all day, is pretty ****. So make a goal, of a country, go out a bit. You never know. At least that way you can console yourself that you tried. Like Randall McMurphy in cuckoos nest...at least I tried god damn it, at least I did that

But flirting is always nice, especially if your lonely.

You're asking some interesting questions... I live alone and sometimes it does get lonely .. for me, one way of coping with loneliness outside of hobbies is to give back... volunteering for a cause you believe in - just a thought.

Chris I'm really glad that works for you. I tried to do that. I told them that I liked the environment and animals. But told them that I didn't want to shovel ****. All day. I said I know that **** has to be shoveled, and I will shovel it for half of the day. I though this seemed reasonable. They assured me, that there would be no shoveling of ****. I was offered 2 places. 1 was litter picking by the canal. I declined this, as I knew 2 people who had met doing exactly the same thing. They were however doing it for community service, which is a punishment given by the courts instead of going to jail. The other was with a family who bred guinea pigs and had other animals. They just wanted me to spend all day mucking everything out, then go home. They made money by selling the guinea pigs and charging for taking to show them at schools. I declined .

I was going to start a new topic. But, I get a lot of guys who say on their profile that they are looking to get married. When I read the profile, they are separated. What's up with that?

you need to be around right people

I'm not really sure what you are talking about - I meant volunteering as a way to deal with
loneliness and"getting outside of yourself " not as a way to meet a potential partner.

It probably means the they are looking to replace the" old wife" before they get a new one!

I just do what I do when I'm with someone, only more often
I've never really worried about being alone, as long as you've got good friends and keep active it shouldn't be a problem.
Being with someone can be great though, don't get me wrong but if you have a great life anyway it's just a bonus having someone to share it with rather an inate neccesity.

I do know a lot of people that don't feel complete unless they're in a relationship though, and they always seem to be the ones that make the worst mistakes with relationships. They seem to be of the opinion it's better to with anyone, even if they're not great people than be alone. Whereas I won't let anyone into my life unless they're absolutely awesome and my life would be that little bit worse without them around.

yeah I guess I agree...lol flirting is totally acceptable at all times ..in any form..

But to be clear... I'm not knocking anything No1 posted.

quite the contrary..

Chris, that is what I was referring to. I was not referring to meeting a partner. The 2 people who I mentioned that met, are not a couple, they are friends, both of the same sex and neither is gay