Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse. "I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," Amber responded.

By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?" Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."



A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.

She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

He asks, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Oooh. Uh. Er. I didn't know. I uh . . ."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."




A young woman brings her fiancee' home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancee' to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee'.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "The bad news is, he has no job and no plans. However, the good news is he thinks I'm God."




Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of their small town and start necking. After a while the guy abruptly stops. "You know we've been doing this for weeks now and I think it's time we had intercourse," he pleads.

"Well, maybe," she says. "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides, all those people in the field may hear us."

The boy pauses and then says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good, start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing!"

The girl agrees, so the two hastily take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later, people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing. "Mooooooooo ..... Moooooooo ..... Moooooon River .....!"

lol too funny!