If you are jealous because you don't trust the person you're in a relationship with IMO it's time to end both the jealousy and the relationship.

My gut said be suspicious which brought out jealousy. I didn't like that feeling.

The bf is being honest with me. Not sure about the ex gf and I may never know. She might be trouble but it's not my problem, it's his.

I totally trust River, she's my bud.

I was honestly kidding about river sweetheart ! I just like giving her a hardtime . As she does me . Lol
I wish you the best of luck in your relationship though .

Thanks hbh... I know you were kidding

I knew you were kidding but I'm still gonna defend her. In other words, you mess with her, you mess with me,

Women power

I got your back too JBH

Not necessarily john, it's not unusual for feelings we're used to feeling from previous relationships to resurface when we enter a new relationship. Seriously looking at it and working through those feelings helps us discern if it's the relationship we're in now that's causing those feelings or from a previous relationship. We then have a chance to work through those unresolved issues... this can happen even if we thought we worked through them... and grow from the experience. Doing so can often make the current relationship stronger!

AMEN.

Sorry but I don't agree. If you get into a relationship with someone you NEED to KNOW you can trust them. It's one thing to talk to a person you're in a relationship with if there is something than makes you uncomfortable but if something results in jealousy there is a more serous personal issue that no one but a trained professional can help resolve.

A lot of people say a relationship is "hard work" and/or "takes a lot of effort" which I also don't agree with.....those are the reasons relationships fail and not why relationships succeed. Issues will arise in relationships but issues, other than health issues, in a successful relationship should be easily resolved with little effort by like minded people. At least that has been my experience.

@Smartazz

I cannot believe it, I agree with You here!

I can't believe you agree with me either....so that's two things we agree on!!

Thank you brother !
I know those 2 conniving vixen are looking to hogtie and shackle me till they cook me up for dinner

I disagree John. I don't give 100% trust going into a relationship because most men I've met are liars.
My trust will be earned as the relationship progresses.

If something makes me uncomfortable, I will deal with it at the time. It doesn't mean I need professional help, it means I'm human. Communication is the key, not a shrink

Reread what I wrote....you are conflating what I said about being uncomfortable with being jealous.

Trust isn't something that is quantitative, it can't be measured in percentages, you either trust someone or you don't. Going onto a relationship BEFORE you trust someone is foolish in my opinion and something I won't do. During the dating period preceding entering into a relationship is when trust should be established.....but to each their own.

You may trust someone in one way but not another. Example, I trust someone to walk my dog but I don't trust them with money. It's not you trust or you don't.

I also don't believe that a little jealousy is a huge issue. If that feeling comes up, communication between partners can ease that issue. It isn't hard work either.

I have felt both - suspicion and jealousy. Both are nerve-racking. My suspicions turned out to be reality, then I was both angry and jealous. I remember taking a long walk on a gravel road at midnight and being gone about an hour. I had one of my huskies with me. The night air and walking made me "see" that I could never trust this man, and when I went home, I phoned him and said our relationship was over. Believe it or not, he just said OKAY and hung up. Glad i took a walk.

Sounds about right. Plus a little bit of insecurity.

Y'know, trust is the issue when dealing with jealosy many times.
Its been my experience that when I get to that point in the relationship where things are getting intense its trust that foritifies my commitment to that person.
When I feel I am 'close' enough with a woman to trust her with the 'me' that is vulnerable I 'expect' a certain amount of 'loyalty' from her.
This isn't always something that is discussed but it is expected.
I find that when I am in a 'serious' relationship, I 'trust' her both with my secrets and that she is dedicated to our relationship.
Its a difficult 'hit' when that trust is violated and that violation often leads to jealousy where no jealousy is warranted.
The issue isn't the jealousy, nor the action that causes the jealousy but the violation of that sacred, personal trust.

When you can really trust someone, there is no reason for jealousy. This is because the trust is a bond between you that preserves you from feeling that jealousy.
In all cases of jealousy, either imagined or founded, trust is the issue at hand.
I find it refreshing that people on a dating site's forum understand this.

I have nothing to help you if you are dealing with trust issues in your relationship. There is no 'fix' that I can think of short of ending that relationship in favor of finding one in which trust has never been violated.
Once trust is violated, I'm not sure it can be fixed?

I agree with your second paragraph. My reference to "working" through it was something you do within yourself if you discover unresolved issues or feelings resurfacing from past relationships.

Most people work through personal issues after they have gotten out of the relationship. If you've been in abusive relationships or other relationships that just didn't seem to work self reflection is needed to find out why you keep attracting that kind of person in your life. You can do a ton of soul searching, work through your issues and grow into a strong person who is no longer willing to allow bad people in your life, but you can't stop feelings from resurfacing when you enter into the next relationship, even if that person is a really good person.

It's impossible to know if you have truly worked through issues of past relationships, especially the ones that were abusive, until you enter a new relationship or as you put it, enter into the dating arena.

To me dating is a relationship, any ongoing interaction with another being is a relationship of some sort. As we continue in that relationship we learn and grow... sometimes together, sometimes a part.

I agree with JBH that sometimes feeling a little jealous is not a huge issue. Our feelings are just that, feelings. They work as a gauge as to where we are in life. If we experience negative feelings, we have the opportunity to look at that, learn from it and grow past it. Or run like hell because they are warning us that bad things are going to happen.

As in JBH's situation, she and her bf discussed the feelings that arouse in her. Doing so built more trust and helped them get to know each other at a new level. It will most likely make their relationship stronger as a result... and more importantly, help JBH to allow herself to trust more that he is not like the others and really does care for her.

I don't know this for sure, I'm speaking as if I were in her shoes and how it would be for me. I'm not going to wait until I know someone fully before entering a relationship... We are not constant beings, we change over time and learn new things about ourselves through out life. So it stands to reason it's the same with a relationship... we learn and grow as it develops and we learn new things about the person we're with. To wait until I know someone fully takes a life time and I'd prefer to be enjoying that person through that process rather than waiting that life time to finally say yes to the relationship.