There is no such thing as a perfect break up. I know lots of us here are divorced or no longer with the other parent of our children.

How much venting about your ex to your significant other is too much? I know I get totally frustrated with/about my ex and do vent about it...probably too much. So, how much is acceptable to vent about or accept as the person vented to? Hourly? Daily? Weekly?

What do you do about it when it gets to be too much? On the giving or receiving end. What are YOUR thoughts???

M

i think u need 2relax n have a drink or 2

to me,any talk about the ex is too much because i doubt that the one you're with now wants to hear about the ex.


btw that wasn't directed at you Michele,i'm meaning anyone that talks about their ex constantly

Wow, thats a very complex question.

Too many factors to give real accurate advise. Would depend on:

the people involved
the circumstances of why you are angry/frustrated
definitions of petty vs serious

When I got divorced, I simply tried to stay away from all thoughts and conversations regarding the matter. Especially for my son's sake.

But when specifically asked, oh I could pop out the "soap box" and give some really "heated opinions" with facts and paperwork to back it all up!

So maybe best thing to do..ask your special "other"..do I vent too much? Does it bother you? Communicate! Thats the best answer I can give.

Hope it goes well for you!

You pouring, Dave? Save me one for when the boy goes to bed.

JT, I know you did not direct it at me.

I like to think that my ex and I co-parent our son even though we are not together. So, therefore, he is in my life and will be forever. Part of my baggage that I like to keep stowed away in the overhead compartment.

Thanks for the thoughts, Sumthin. Communication is key.

Well, I have never been married before, so don't know the real answer. I have also only been in two relationships.

The first was in college. We were young and naive to know how to keep our relationship together after graduation. She moved back to her family in Indiana, and I moved to San Francisco for work. We cried together many nights as the relationship was coming to an end. She made me a better person, so I have nothing but positive and beautiful things to say about her.

The second relationship I had was two years ago. We realized that it would not work, so remained friends since. We are best friends, work together and have lunch everyday. We support each other in our personal and professional lives.

I WUZ gonna say, maybe a bit, a few weeks here and there...

but I like Neanderthal's suggestion better! have a drink, forget about it...

In otherwords, make yourself too busy to care... haha!

I have always heard talking about to (your) boyfriend is a big No No but i have done it well i do do it but i am, also letting go. I know where your coming from i totally do. Its really hard not to talk about it and having a few drinks well..... sometimes helps but its been known to not help lol speaking from experience and all if you need to talk about e mail me

empty the bags. toss the contents. get it down to something you can stash under the sink where it belongs!

but for a true friend, there is only one answer to this question.
you listen to your friend until they are done and they feel better. this is not a favor one friend does for another. being the person who hears a friend's troubles is no less the definition of friendship.

and there is no such thing as too much friendship.

Big hugs for you, S1owhand. Without friendship, where can the love be?

truly this subject is too deep for me

I'm guilty of ranting about my ex....I know its not a good thing to bring into another relationship....I guess that is why I've backed off dating for now....Still have a few custody details to work out....so laying low until emotionally & physically more stable...

depends on who your around when you start venting........never vent around your kids..or ex inlaws for that matter........LOL

I have to admitt about once or twice a month i call my sister up in OH and have about a 45min conv about nothing but what an ass he is and what he's doing to my kids.........but hey it keeps me sane and able to pretend everytime i see him that i can still stand him and our kids think we're ok friends........i don't think there is a hard set rule it's what you can handle and how you do it that counts

As the old saying goes.......

this too will pass.

You can learn a lot about someone by what they have to say about an ex -- I encourage communication, regardless of subject, and this is the sort of thing that can often give insight into any number of relevant areas. And sometimes people just need to vent, too....

thanks klc, I don't feel smart...

I wish I could forgive...but my children haven't spent one night at my home in 7 months....a court battle rages...she's turned them against me & they are only 12 & 14...I often cry myself to sleep...such is life...

KLC, were we married to the same man? My ex is the best there is at pushing my buttons.

Iceprincess, I agree. I try to never ever vent about my ex in front of our boy. Made that promise to myself years ago.

Bluesky, KLC is right. One day you will wake up and not feel bitter towards you ex. Just breathe and take it all as it goes. You don't want to hear my horror story, but suffice it to say that we have found a friendship and have a common purpose (raising our boy).

Michele & klc thanks for your insight & advice...it helps....I try to be the best dad I can be when I do see them....hopefully they will internalize that....my family & friends also think that one day things will be better....I hope soon....

My opinion is you shouldn't talk about your ex at all with your significant other. They don't want to hear about it.