Oi, You guys are going to think Im nuts...

Shortly after my divorce I met a woman that totally blew my mind.

She was beautiful, funny, outgoing, spiritual and intelligent! We dated for about 3 months and suddenly everything changed. She went from being my perfect woman to the most judgemental and critical person I'd ever met.

she was fired from 2 jobs in that time, evicted from her duplex because of complaints from her neighbors, and I finally left because her own friends were telling me she was saying horrible things about me.

Fast forward to December 26th of last year. Im sitting on my couch when she calls me out of the blue. We haven't talked in 6 months. We get together that night and it is like nothing has ever happened. BAM, the chemistry is incredible!

Her kids and my son love each other and we can't help but have a good time together. And were together ALL the time.

Then, just as suddenly as before, her behavior goes down the toilet again. She has always called me 8 or 9 times daily, but now every call is about something negative. So and so at work hates me because of how I look. My boss treats me poorly, its always been like this, women are jealous of me. Do you know how lucky you are? I could have anyone i wanted.

We go through a period of several months where we break up and get together repeatedly. Her personality cycles between I love you and I hate you on a monthly basis.

I go meet her family and its the best 3 days of my life. They tell me they have never once met anyone she has dated and they are amazed to see me there. She is also very happy.

The next day she doesnt want to see me anymore. Says shes not ready to date and needs to be alone.

At one point during a break up I asked if I could come get some stuff I had left at her house. She said come over. Within moments of being there the cops arrive to tell me she has called them and said I was harassing her.

I stay away from her, but a month later she shows up on my doorstep crying. she misses me and loves me etc.

So, I realize Im looking pretty dumb here already. It gets worse.

3 weeks ago Im in our local bar when she walks in. Someone asks her if shes single and she announces to everyone there, "Yes Im single but that man is supposed to be my husband."

This hits me hard because Half the time she is the best woman Ive ever met.

She calls the next day and we get back together. We discuss marriage and therapy. Im trying to get her to see someone but she insists its me causing the problems. She finally agrees to see one.

Tuesday she calls. Monday night I was at her place and cooked dinner, everything was fine. But Tuesday she tells me that she cant commit to me, she wants to see other men. I tell her I wont share. She tells me Im selfish, that she has never loved me, that she has always known it wont work.

She gets mad when I bring up our recent marriage conversations and says that they never happened, that Im a liar for even saying that.

Wednesday she calls to apologize for being mean, then hangs up. I haven't heard from her since.

So I go see the therapist myself and outline the situation.

Its his opinion that she is Bipolar and may even suffer from a split personality. The not remembering topics of conversation being the key there.

So here I am.... I have loved this women but its only hurt me and my son. I've pushed some very nice ladies away because of her and hurt some feelings and I regret that. Theres not a damn thing I can do about her and Im positive that in a week or so she'll be back banging on my door, as soon as her cycle has come back around.

I dont need advice, I am objective enough to see that I let this continue far too long, but I know nothing of being bipolar...

How stable can someone become with the proper treatment?

Bi-polar disorder came to mind about the first paragraph. It's difficult to deal with if you don't understand it. My twin brother has it and it's difficult. He is difficult. I haven't had a normal relationship with him since I was 12. He changed and we didn't know why.

It depends on what you want to do, and if you can really "handle" it. The mood swings are horrible. If she is not diagnosed, nor seeking treatment of any kind, it doesn't get better. Not everyone accepts their condition and "deals" with it. My brother has refused to recognize that he even HAS a problem.

If you want to be with her as your partner in life, researching and coping during her rough times will take a lot. It's a challenge that only you can determine whether or not you're ready. Most people who are bi-polar can live "normal" lives and function well. Some cannot.

I wish you luck in your decision. It's not easy, nor is it for her to live with this.

Umm from what you are describing..you are jumping off a very tall brodge with a bunji cord....AROUND YOUR NECK!!!!

Dude, she sounds totally BI-POLAR! Jekyl & Hyde! Split personalities at the very least..and she may have more hidden. many well documented cases like you are describing.

It's totally your choice. But personally I'd run like hell!!! Not only for you but your children as well, cause they would have to go through this too ya know.

Just my 2 cents for free. GOOD LUCK!

I'm sorry, I had to re-read your post. I understand that you're not looking for advice. I guess the question is, what do you understand about this condition, and are you willing to compromise your emotional well-being every time there is an "episode"? Your son may not be able to understand her. There are many questions you need to ask yourself and I'm sure you have already done that.

How stable can she become with treatment? Everyone is an individual, therefore, it is not a question that can be answered. Has SHE even recognized any problem? That's the first question.

I work in the developmentally disabled field. And from experience, bipolar disorder is very treatable with the right medication and treatment. The problem usually arises during the manic stage of cycling, when they think that they are doing well enough to discontinue the regimen. Good Luck to you.

I don't know a thing about Bipolar, but I wanted to wish you luck in your decision.

Oh speaking of my son:

In his words:

"Daddy, maybe there are two Jens and we just don't know which one is with us today".

Hes 8. She has never treated him poorly. Shes a very good mom and he has never seen us fight, he just sees me being glum

well i have no experience with bi-polar disorder. but u could always search it on the computer and maybe educate yourself. That sounds like a really tough place to be in and even though u know u have let this go on too far u have feelings for her and the heart is a hard thing to ignore.

I wish u luck

ok that woman is a complete psycho!does the movie Fatal Attraction sound familiar?

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH Man, bipolar is insanity. My most recent ex is too. He was the greatest; paid the best compliments...totally original, talented, good looking, funny, everything awesome. We would get along for like 2 weeks of perfection and then he'd just blow up on me for nothing and say the meanest things anyone has ever said to me...with treatment. The only thing better about him was that it wasn't weeks or days of being separated...he'd be apologizing a couple hours later, but there are some things you can't take back and medication could help her, but it's a matter of whether YOU can deal with it or not...some people can't tolerate this kind of thing....I couldn't.

There's you anwer.

Hey Tuck, I lived THAT LIFE with a lady for about six years, and told her EVEN A DOG WILL LEAVE YA IF YOU KICK IT ENOUGH!
So after my last kick, I was convinced SHE had ISSUE'S I COULD'NT HELP, and SHE DID'NT WANT TO FACE THEM?

Trust me, some HEADS, "YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INSIDE THEM".

Because there is NO making the relationship work if BOTH can't or WON'T see the PROBLEMS as what THEY are...?

So REALLY, YOUR LUCKY, YOU only had a SHORTER TIME with her than YOU DID...

Bipolar is a mood disorder. The person affected will swing from extreme highs to extreme lows within a ten minute period of time. The key word is extreme. She cannot help it. Some bipolars experience a stage of complete "mania" (speeded up state, sometimes days without sleep) hyper moods, ecstatically happy, extremely angry(sometimes for dilusional reasons), and then usually sink to a state of depression that cannot be shaken. Sometimes suicidal thoughts are emininet. Its kind of like an arc...extremely happy, then sinking into extreme depression. Medication and therapy is the only way to fix it and even with medication some bipolars will never experience an even keel. Thats where the therapy comes in. If you love her you need to study this illness and encourage her to seek professional help. There are many bipolars in this world which function very well under close care and help from family members. What you need to ask yourself is whether you are a strong enough man to deal with these problems for the rest of your life?? It does not go away, it gets better with time, but there is no cure. You need to see it as an illness, something like diabetes. It is a chemical imbalance in which the neurotransmitters in her brain do not fire properly and she needs medicine, just like someone with diabetes needs their insulin. It is not an easy illness to deal with, but if you truely love her, understand that when she gets hard to handle she cannot help it. If you have any more questions you can email me. I am very knowledgeable in the subject. I work with the mentally ill on a regular basis. I am not a psychiatrist, but maybe I can answer some of your questions

Good luck sweetie

My youngest son is bi-polar. I have dealt with some of the difficulties, though nothing like your situation has arisen. I won't attempt to offer advice. You should consult professionals for that. I do wish to make one point. When she has those "episodes" how does she treat her children? If she exhibits any of the behavior towards them that she shows towards you, those children may be in physical danger (not to mention the emotional damage already done). It may be a prudent move on your part to contact Social Services. If they find the problems I suspect, they can force her to seek professional help and stick with it. This will probably end your relationship with her but it may be necessary for the protection of her children. And don't forget, just because she doesn't display certain behavior toward the children when you're
around does NOT mean things are the same when you're not there.

By the way...for those of you posting that do not know this, bipolars are not necessarily violent!!

When in her depressed state she does one of two things:

She either draws them very close to her, they are her comfort blanket, and shoves everyone else away, or she sends them off to her mothers and parties non-stop for a week.

I cant be around her either of those times, she wont have it.

During the partying episodes she will show up at my door at 2 am pretty consistently crying.

Are her children cared for when she is in that "state"...fed, bathed?

Ahhh, Tuck, run fast. You and your boy don't need the constant up and downs. The lady you mentioned may have emotional issues, but until she decides to get help you will not be able to help her. I am not a therapist nor do I play one on television, but you deserve better. Just my 2 cents.

M

Yes, shes always a very good mom. Shes just extremely inconsistent . Yells too much and doesn't follow through on threats.

Her boys are 12 and 13 and are starting to assert their own opinions and personalities.

She can be very self-centered and really quashes their efforts. It causes lots of strife.

She and I talked about it last week and I told her I thought it was neat how they were trying so hard to be men. She looked at it as rebellion.

Ill try to give an example:

Both boys beg her to take them to a specific park. She says no, for no reason, and takes them to a different one. There was absolutely no reason for her to do that except for control.

the boys got upset and asked her why she never considered what they wanted to do.

Her answer was "because I want too".

That, to me, was a perfect time to let them in on a decision and show them I respected them.

After reading all the posts, and if it was just you and not your son involved, then I would say, whatever you want to put yourself through for this woman.

But since your son is involved, I would have to say stay away from her for your son's sake.

a poster did say "not all bi-polar are violent" and that is very true in a physical realm. But in any normal person's head it can play a big emotional rollercoaster.

involve children and thats even worse because the children are not able to properly decern between that and what would be considered "normal" or at least "non-bipolar"

Its a BIG issue for an adult to deal with..don;t make a child have to.

Just my 1.378 cents (my opnion going down in value)