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| Topic: Fantasy meets | |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 12/03/18 05:46 AM
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Online is a Fantasy romance until the couple meets and actually Dates.
We all know that a Meet is not always a match for Romance. You may just end up as friends. Or not Not All Romances starts with friends. Chemistry plays a huge part with Men more than women. Imo Dating is how you get to know each other in the Real World. Everyone is not seeking committed Relationships. You have to establish a real Date before any Relationship can start. My thoughts today!    |
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The key word is expectation..
No expectation.. No disappointment 
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The early part of online has nothing to do with romance but everything to do with an initial knowledge level regarding the other person. Is there enough common interest and minimal deal breakers to bother with a meeting. With many, a few messages tells you "no thanks, not interested in even meeting" and we all move on. It is also different when it comes to a significant distance for that first meeting. More knowledge and a sharing of expectations become a much more important consideration.
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I do believe, that on numerous occasions,
I have expressed via forum posts, i'm not currently seeking... Anyone. No fantasy, no expectations, no disappointments. I'm just here, to forum mosh with all the groovy mingle2 people. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 12/03/18 01:35 PM
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I was interested in a profile. I message the man, he replies he's not looking for anyone. Yet his profile says, seeking a relationship.
 What is going on here!  |
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I read the profile but the men never do. If both are ok with the physical pics, then We message a few times for basic information. I don’t like spending weeks messaging. It’s a waste of time.
First meeting is simple and short. I know what he wants and if I want to go further or not. Then it’s a real date which could still go either way. From those two interactions, I can usually tell if he’s intelligent, polite, funny and a gentleman. I will also know if there’s physical attraction for both of us. 
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@JBH
That's great that works for you, especially on here. I think the man wasn't interested but didn't say so. |
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I’ve done that. I messaged a guy and he said he was already chatting with someone. But his profile remains the same. It was a polite way to say he wasn’t interested.
Did he think I wouldn’t figure that out? |
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one of the other sites i was on years ago had canned thanks but no thanks responses for those times. they also had a temporarily unavailable flag you could put up on your profile
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I’ve done that. I messaged a guy and he said he was already chatting with someone. But his profile remains the same. It was a polite way to say he wasn’t interested. Did he think I wouldn’t figure that out?  Yes we can get the hint !
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one of the other sites i was on years ago had canned thanks but no thanks responses for those times. they also had a temporarily unavailable flag you could put up on your profile Mingle2 needs that Bad. !
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one of the other sites i was on years ago had canned thanks but no thanks responses for those times. they also had a temporarily unavailable flag you could put up on your profile Mingle2 needs that Bad. ! Good idea.....Does Mingle have a suggestion box? |
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In addition to my being inherently rebellious, I've also had experience after experience that has shown me that this social interaction and love stuff is more nuanced than most people seem to recognize.
Anyway, having been searching for a mate throughout the Great Transition from Before Internet to After Internet, I know that there's no difference between getting an "online crush," and getting an "offline crush" on someone. A crush is a crush is a crush, no matter what else you might call it, and regardless of the exact details of how it comes about. People can think they've fallen in love with someone else for all sorts of reasons. Before the internet, instead of falling for a well written profile and a photo, people would fall for someone based on how they dressed, what car they drove, how they walked, speech patterns, foreign accents, and on and on. All that the online stuff changed, was that people can be further away and still allow others to see them (virtually). People have always been prone to what you might call "Instant Fantasies" about other people. When those fantasies end up working out well, people claim that they experienced "love at first sight." When the fantasies don't prove true at all, many people claim to have been actively and purposely deceived by the other person. I suggest that the thing to do isn't to make TOO many rules for yourself, rather just increase your awareness of what you are doing inside your own head. It's common to HOPE that when someone is pleasing in one aspect of socializing, that they'll be equally pleasing in all ways, but that's actually rare. No need to construct complicated sets of procedures and tests. Just keep your eyes on what you ACTUALLY like about the person, and watch out for jumping to larger conclusions. |
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same thing happened to me last night :(
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I think everyone wants to have a perfect meet to experience a awesome dating. Actually, it' s very difficult for anyone to have this romantic meet. In many cases, you fall in love with your mate, but your mate doesn 't have any emotional feelings on you or your mates loves you and you don' t love her. Keep connecting, we will find perfect meet finally.
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Tue 12/04/18 06:39 AM
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In addition to my being inherently rebellious, I've also had experience after experience that has shown me that this social interaction and love stuff is more nuanced than most people seem to recognize. Anyway, having been searching for a mate throughout the Great Transition from Before Internet to After Internet, I know that there's no difference between getting an "online crush," and getting an "offline crush" on someone. A crush is a crush is a crush, no matter what else you might call it, and regardless of the exact details of how it comes about. People can think they've fallen in love with someone else for all sorts of reasons. Before the internet, instead of falling for a well written profile and a photo, people would fall for someone based on how they dressed, what car they drove, how they walked, speech patterns, foreign accents, and on and on. All that the online stuff changed, was that people can be further away and still allow others to see them (virtually). People have always been prone to what you might call "Instant Fantasies" about other people. When those fantasies end up working out well, people claim that they experienced "love at first sight." When the fantasies don't prove true at all, many people claim to have been actively and purposely deceived by the other person. I suggest that the thing to do isn't to make TOO many rules for yourself, rather just increase your awareness of what you are doing inside your own head. It's common to HOPE that when someone is pleasing in one aspect of socializing, that they'll be equally pleasing in all ways, but that's actually rare. No need to construct complicated sets of procedures and tests. Just keep your eyes on what you ACTUALLY like about the person, and watch out for jumping to larger conclusions. Interesting response! I. do see your points , however, it is much harder to know things about a person just from Online contact. A meeting and date should take place to find out if what I feel is true, is True about him. I am really talking about a romantic connection outside of fantasy Online. I am speaking from experience, I have met several Online men, in Person. |
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In addition to my being inherently rebellious, I've also had experience after experience that has shown me that this social interaction and love stuff is more nuanced than most people seem to recognize. Anyway, having been searching for a mate throughout the Great Transition from Before Internet to After Internet, I know that there's no difference between getting an "online crush," and getting an "offline crush" on someone. A crush is a crush is a crush, no matter what else you might call it, and regardless of the exact details of how it comes about. People can think they've fallen in love with someone else for all sorts of reasons. Before the internet, instead of falling for a well written profile and a photo, people would fall for someone based on how they dressed, what car they drove, how they walked, speech patterns, foreign accents, and on and on. All that the online stuff changed, was that people can be further away and still allow others to see them (virtually). People have always been prone to what you might call "Instant Fantasies" about other people. When those fantasies end up working out well, people claim that they experienced "love at first sight." When the fantasies don't prove true at all, many people claim to have been actively and purposely deceived by the other person. I suggest that the thing to do isn't to make TOO many rules for yourself, rather just increase your awareness of what you are doing inside your own head. It's common to HOPE that when someone is pleasing in one aspect of socializing, that they'll be equally pleasing in all ways, but that's actually rare. No need to construct complicated sets of procedures and tests. Just keep your eyes on what you ACTUALLY like about the person, and watch out for jumping to larger conclusions. Let's be inherently rebellious together, hihi: I agree with you! In a way the first meet & greet with someone from the net is not the same as meeting someone in the flesh for the first time since you already know a bit. You've had an exchange of sorts, have seen their photo, read their profile, and got a feel of them through all that of who they are, otherwise you wouldn't agree to meet either. And yes you will have to meet in the flesh to find out if the click is there for real. But there's already some form of potential otherwise you would've want to meet them in the first place. So it's a step ahead of seeing/meeting someone somewhere in RL. In a way I feel maybe we should stop comparing online dating (as in meeting someone you met online) with dating offline. I don't think you can compare. It's an entire new way of socializing and meeting new people, dating and finding love. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Tue 12/04/18 07:55 AM
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Online is a Fantasy romance until the couple meets and actually Dates. We all know that a Meet is not always a match for Romance. You may just end up as friends. Or not Not All Romances starts with friends. Chemistry plays a huge part with Men more than women. Imo Dating is how you get to know each other in the Real World. Everyone is not seeking committed Relationships. You have to establish a real Date before any Relationship can start. My thoughts today! I disagree wholeheartedly with the "Chemistry plays a huge part with men more than women." Maybe it's a very personal thing, but if I don't feel chemistry, there's nothing. To be honest, I think it matters for everyone as chemistry is what sets romantic love apart from mere friendship. Maybe it's different if you are willing to settle, are just looking for a nice mate, more like a friend really than a romantic partner. I think this depends much on sex-drive which varies from person to person, and likely on age as well. For me, no chemistry = no nothing. I'm not looking for a friend to spend my life with. And in my experience, if chemistry isn't there from the word go, it will not magickally appear either. I also don't agree with it being a fantasy, but that could depend on how intuitive you are. I am VERY intuitive. I can read people's energies from photos without making an effort, and I pick up on someone's energies from their writing. So I have a pretty good idea whether someone is a potential match for me or not without meeting, and I am rarely wrong. Going through a lot of photos and profiles is also exhausting to me as I feel all these energies and trust me, most people are not particularly happy. I really have to shield myself when I go on a dating site and limit my time on it. Having this intuition and sensitivity can also be a drawback as it can take a bit of the adventure out of it all, hihi. I don't date much for instance, because I already know someone isn't a match and if not, why should I bother? I found both my last partners via the internet and I knew before meeting them that there was great potential. Especially with the last one. . . . |
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You’re lucky Crystal, I have to meet them in person to see if there’s any chemistry.
They seemed nice when we messaged so I was willing to meet in person. When I did meet them, it was like hanging out with my brother. NO chemistry. And I feel obliged to say that age and sex drive are unrelated. It’s totally an individual thing. I have proof lol |
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Edited by
Pauldun
on
Tue 12/04/18 11:34 AM
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I was interested in a profile. I message the man, he replies he's not looking for anyone. Yet his profile says, seeking a relationship. What is going on here! Totty Us guys have to say on our profile that we looking for relationship.... If we don't we get filtered out of the search results that hinders our chances of getting a positive result. Toody for you 
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