Is it possible that there are still HONEST, relatively drama free, attractive, intelligent, sexy, interesting women to talk with out there? Someone who actually has time to date, in interested in getting to know someone, doesn't create unnecessary drama, and willing to put in the effort to find the right person?

If so, please reply or send me an email. Thanks!

anything's possible.












...almost.

You live in a small population area.

There are tons of us women you describe. You may have to venture further.

The problem isn't that they do not exist. The problem is they do not frequent dating sites and dating venues.

Think of the dating sites as shooting an arrow into a cloud. Your target is probably in the cloud someplace but there are undesirables between you and your target. Your arrow hits many undesirables before it finds the mark.

This is why its better to shoot a lot of arrows into a lot of different clouds. The more arrows you shoot, the higher your chances are of hitting a desired target. The trick is to find the right clouds that are most likely to have the targets you desire.

If you are constantly hitting the wrong targets, change the arrow or the cloud.

Filling out your profile with informtion about you..your interests, hobbies, and what you are looking for WRT a woman..
That would be helpful as women searchng close to you or an hour's drive away right now have *no clue* if the two of you have anything in common..and therefore may not message you.

Saying "I am an open book, ask me anything" is lazy, and puts all the work to find out *anything* about you on the woman.

How sad you think so.

Good point!


HONEST, relatively drama free, attractive, intelligent, sexy, interesting women will have higher standards when considering potential matches. If you are not disciplined or dedicated enough to provide an interesting profile, you will not get "HONEST, relatively drama free, attractive, intelligent, sexy, interesting women" responding to it.

It might be sad, but it is true. I know you are the anomaly, but that's just it, isn't it?

Real world is where it is at. Based on all my experiences and what I see here and every other social site on a daily basis NOTHING will ever convince me otherwise.

I do, to be fair, have legitimate internet friends that have found the one through this medium. They are unicorns much like you.

Tom4Uhere..
Sadly..so many guys are of the "ah lak yer pichers" mentality..

They say "all that matters is I am attracted to you..everything else will work out/ none of that other stuff is important"..

97% of the guys on here, and other dating sites.

There are a lot of people both male and female that think the internet dating scene is the magic pill to happiness and contentment.

For a few, we recognize it as merely a tool to find someone to START a relationship and not the complete package.

The woman I am trying to build a relationship with right now, I found online, on this site. Thing is, we met in real life after two message exchanges. Our online activity did not require a long duration because we are both honest, intelligent people that know what we want.

Currently, I only come here for the forums now, when I am curious how all my friends here are doing. I'm no longer looking for someone and I hope I never feel I need to ever again.

I didn't put all my eggs in one basket. I didn't fantasize for a dream date. I used the dating site as a tool and it worked.
The trick is to know yourself and understand the type of person you are really looking for. Then, when found, actually meet them in person and let the relationship develop in real world.
If it doesn't work out, then you simply try again.

THIS.
Sadly..most people have done NO introspection, have never thought about what they want, need or prefer..
(I have actually had guys say that.."I never gave that any thought..")

And those of us who have?
We're seen as "too picky", too demanding"...and told "no wonder you are alone (interesting because the guy *saying that* is alone too)...

Whatever..
I'll hold out for what I *know* I need.
I had two such guys, and am a widow now..
I hope there is one more out there.

In addition to this^^^, there are some that have but still don't actually understand why they want who they want.
Then they find someone and quickly feel trapped, unfulfilled or cheated.
So they look again and repeat the same deluded justifications never realizing or gaining wisdom.

Too often, when people are looking for someone, they expect them to be how they want to see them. Problem is, nobody lives behind anyone's eyes but their own. So, when they turn out to be something different than the fantasy expected, they run.

It is very difficult to accept someone as they are and allow them to be who they want to be without imposing your expectations upon them. It doesn't matter if its a potential GF/BF, spouse, child, parent, sibling, co-worker or friend.

Most drama is caused by someone expecting another to be something they are not and the reactions to such expectations cause discontentment.

Also known as "thinking with ones small head.." LOL

I had a guy last week..
Seemed interesting...wanted to go on phone pretty quick..
" If we are to continue, a more direct and immediate method of communication would be helpful. I find exchanging notes here awkward, at best."

So,we exchanged e-mails..
He wrote once, wanting to "dispense with all this" and meet ASAP..
I said i wasn't comfortable with that, but.."I'll go ahead and talk on the phone with you for a bit.....But, know this..I will *still* ask the same things on there as i would via written communication..I am trying to get to know you, I don't know anything about you at this point.."

I never heard back from him...been 5 days...

My point is...even though they have reached the age of 50+...many still don't give any thought to actually learning about the other person...
Threy like their looks, and that's as far as it goes..

Sorry honey..I need a man who is interested in *more* than what io look like.

Because, like you said..I want a clear (as clear as I *can* get) picture of someone before I enter into any kind of relationship.
Sure...people can keep up a pretense...but not for long..
Eventually, they will "out" themselves.

I don't want to go in with wrong perceptions, or wrong expectations..
I'd rather find out as much up front as possible.

And, like i said in another post...I am not showering, dressing nice, and driving 50 miles to meet someone who can't give me the barest courtesy of telling me what they feel we have in common, and what they find interesting about me..
Because *their* profile doesn't contain s*** about them...so, I don't know if I'd find them intersting, or if we have enough in common to make the effort.

Congratulations, Tom. I'm happy for you and your lady

This woman I'm currently seeing is herself. I am myself.
I didn't worry about finding out everything I could about her before I met her. There are certain things about her I don't care for but she is free to be herself. (she says she loves me already, in my past, that has been bad because of the expectation of my love in return but I explained to her how my proclamations of love work and she understands.
I'll not say it till I fully mean it but I understand that she might feel it before I do.)

If I were judging her by internet, skype or phone, I would be cheating us from our direct interactions and context of behaviors. Some things, in person, have different meanings and change importance when reactions are perceived. That perception is articulated by body language more than written or spoken words.

I understand trepidation in meeting a stranger in person but if you think about it, before internet and cell phones, nearly everyone met in person.
We didn't need full background or personality profiles on someone before we met them in person. We met them, then learned about them.

This woman, being a resident in the town where I live is a major factor in why we are seeing each other. Its 6.3 miles from her driveway to mine.
Our close proximity to each other is vital to building the relationship we both want. We have many real-time things in common. We shop at the same stores, go to the same activities and have more or less the same reference knowledge of this area and the people in it.

I probably have seen her for years but never made a connection until she contacted me on my profile. Then, I noticed. Neither one of us walked around with an AVAILABLE NOW sign on us.
When we met in person, I recognized the truth of her profile. She constantly tells me my profile is very accurate as she gets to know me better. That's because we didn't lie in our profiles, we used recent accurate photos and both of us understand who we are as persons and who we are as a couple.

Thanx!


We are still in learning mode but things are looking quite bright.

Couple of things..

1. before internet and cell phones, nearly everyone met in person.
We didn't need full background or personality profiles on someone before we met them in person. We met them, then learned about them.

No, but I had a lot of wasted meetings, that..*had* I known some things..I'd never have agreed to sit and talk.
(really *bad* things..they were racists, bigots, honophobes, made fun of people who were diabled or less well off tha n they were).

Of course, then is was a speedy "see ya bye' on my part...

I look up some guys on FB that i dated a few times, or went out with once or twice (I have a good recollection of names)...
ALL of them I have been able to find are polar opposites of me & my ideologies.
Nothing wrong with that...whatever twirls their beanie..but, it's not who *I'd* want to be with.

After the debacle that was my first marriage (which i have explained elsewhere, basically, we had nothing in common with me, he'd lied about that, but revealed itself over time) I decided not to repeat that,and c=screened more carefully..

That gpot me my late husband , and the guy before him..
neither one was put off by my asking things, they actually thought it was refreshing..finding someone who thought fpor themselves...
And..so far as looks??
The guy before my late husband I mer through the newspaper personals...certainly no pictures there.
We talked for several weeks before meeting (partly because he was out of town visiting family during that time).
WE were together 8 years, until he got a dream job 500 miles away (have also expalined why i didn't move in another piost)

So..my experience has taught *me* what works best for me...
Meeting someone on the fly....or going to meet someone I know nothing about?
Bad results.

Doing a bit of conversing first, going over core, key inportant things?
Better results..

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule..
I tried that with clam chowder actually..(TMI ahead)

Ate it one time in the late 80's....got violently ill afterward.
Bad batch....allergy...who knows..fried clams were no problem.
So, after 10 years I decided to try again, no preconcieved notions (because of course the other time was a fluke)..different place... went for lunch, from work one afternoon.
Shortly after getting back to work, I spent an hour in the bathroom projectile vomiting.
So..that taught me clam chowder is NOT for me....LOL
I certainly don't need to try it a third time.


2. I don't want someone to put on a facade...be fake, in trying to impress me.
Because they wouldn't be able to maintain that indefinately.
My profile is truth about me..
Someone doesn't like it..fine..
That's the tea that's being served here, and if that's not you tatse in tea...no skin off my nose.

Change it...because it doesn't suit *you* (the generic opininators), or you find it offensive?
I have an easier solution...you go bother someone else, because I don't need your pontificating on why *you* feel I'm wrong...when we're not compatible anyway.

*I* would never presume to tell someone why i don't like their profile, or find it downright offensive (and believe me, I've seen several.)
Because I know already they're not for me..and their "helpful" input is a projection of what *they* want...which doens't concern me.

I haven't waljed in *their* shoes, lived *their* experiences to make any such judgement about them...and they certainly shouldn't do that with me.

P.S Congrats, by the way..Tom4Uhere...

I understand what you're saying and the internet and phones do help a lot.
Before internet, I primarily met the women in my life thru friends and asked a lot of questions about them but, obviously that wasn't effective either. I met my X thru a service buddy's girlfriend who was her sister and that relationship lasted 25 years but ended badly.

See, I don't really think of myself as special and have nothing to hide but some men have lots to hide and have a distorted view of themselves.
The internet allows you to figure out who you are dealing with, much easier than in person and its much safer too.

There are a great many people of both genders that are sporting some hefty delusions.

The thing is, what works for me may not work for others and what works for others may not work for me. I figure if it works for you, that's great for you. What works for me is face to face.

Thanx!