For me, playing the field is a dealbreaker.

If someone is a friend, that's just what they are. I've had lady friends who wanted more than that, but I just wasn't into them that way. Sooner or later, I've had to tell them so. Never an easy thing to do. Lost some good lady friends because of that.

Life goes on. New friends are found. If someone was so "into" me, you would think they might want to remain friends. The problem is they **expected** more, and emotionally could not handle it when I did not have the same expectations. Sure, I've missed having those women **as friends**. Ultimately, though, the decision was not mine. I'd be doing them a disservice if I wasn't honest with them. What they do with that honesty is up to them.

I'd expect the same if the situation were reversed. Many times I'll choose to keep the friendship even if I'm rejected. I've learned to compartmentalize like that. Just stay friends, but turn my romantic interests elsewhere.

On the other hand, I've had at least one woman lead me on without actually committing. It was very awkward. She would spend all her time with me, either on the phone or in person. But she would date or have sex with other guys. It was weird because she readily admitted being attracted to me. I couldn't figure out what her hangup was. Then when she accused me of being the one with a problem, that was it. Game over. I decided to cut ties.

But then a week or two later, she calls me on the phone wondering how I'm doing. I simply told her:

"You said I was the one with the problem, but I can't help but notice that you called me. I didn't call you."

She never called again. In fact, she ended up moving to Hawaii. My thought was, "Good riddance."

Edit:
Point is, she never said we were just friends. If she did, I probably could have handled that. But when she invites me over, changes clothes in front of me, cuddles, etc., well that's telling me a different story. Mixed signals.
[end edit]

I don't play those games, and I don't expect to be dragged into them either. Drag me in, I'll cut you off.

When I was younger I don't think I would care assuming of course I knew that I wasn't the only he was dating. As a senior it is more about a companionship then dating.

OMG, actionlynx...I had one of those too!

In the several years I knew him, he never kissed me, we nevr had sex.
He was straight, trust me, and no,..not on the DL either.

Anyway...we spent a lot of time together, went to events together, and, like you, talked every night...blah blah

Since he never touched me, I asumed there was nothing there, but periodically, he'd act perturbed when i went on a date (rare), or to a festival or event without him..
He even asked more than a few timnes "so, where do we stand?"
And other weird-*** question regarding our "relationship"..
Making it sound like we *were*, in fact dating/ BF/ GF...

Each time I had to remind him that, in MY book/ way of understanding this..we sure weren't BF/GF....
All he could say when i said that was "I see your point" or some other vague bull***t.

He even showed up at my house unannounced late one night (a 52 miles drive one way), half drunk...because I wouldn't answer the phone, so, obviously I had someone else there...

No, i did not fear for my personal safety from this person...so, i just pointed out that i wasn't having a good day, and didn't feel like talking to *anyone*...and it was dumb of him to risk his license driving all that distance half drunk..

Anyway...I moved 125 miles away (not because of him)....so, we quit hanging out.
He pops up on my phone and in e-mail from time to time...I'm still cordial...

The difference is that he was waiting for you to say it was okay to go to the next level.

In my case, I was just left in limbo, scratching my head. So, um, it's okay for you to undress in front of me, but it's not okay to have sex? So, it's okay if you want to cuddle with me, but it's not okay if I kiss you? So....**you** invite me over to spend all your time with me, but you don't think that looks like we're a couple to other people?

Like I said, mixed signals.

I mean, she even used me to show another guy that she wasn't interested in him, i.e. she made him believe that she and I were together. Later that night, we found the poor guy outside, in tears, and feeling suicidal. I really felt bad for him.

So now I don't do Head Games. It is a complete turn off.

actionlynx...you said:

"The difference is that he was waiting for you to say it was okay to go to the next level."

Nope.
Whenever he asked that "where do we stand" crap..I made it clear it was up to HIM to show some sign...act like we were BF/ GF...and not just friends..
*I* had certainly done *my* part...I was very touchy-feely..*I* hugged him, not the other way around...etc...

I even wrote a lengthy e-mail....
He'd have to have help to misunderstand what I said...

Meanwhile, he was on dating sites looking for women...going on dates himself...

Ok, that clarifies things.

No job
Not being able to support themselves.
No place to live.
Looking for love.
Looking for marriage.
Looking for someone to raise their children.
No sense of humor.
Too busy of a schedule.
In another state / country.
Non living.

Just a couple off the top of my head.

Ha... I found one!

Asking if or telling me my sister is hot... saying you'd like her to model clothing for you... anything that even remotely suggests that you desire my sister....

... Is a Major Deal Breaker!

In all seriousness, this really would be a deal breaker when it comes to desiring any woman other than me.

There's no field to play...

So,... it's another moot thread.

Blondey said she wanted to play matchmaker... I think she needs to hook Stubeedoo up, and fast!

:

I can't date a smoker. I've dated a few. When I was in a small room, I'd have chest pains, with that smoke. I felt so much better outside.

I'm a big feet gal if your feet look like you come out of the sky and grab up your dinner I'm sorry keep walking

izzat right?

Pedi!

I'll admit I get wary around recovering addicts. It not just the drug use, but the lifestyle that often comes with using certain types of drugs.

I can't really call it a dealbreaker though. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule.

But if I had a choice between a sober addict and someone who has never abused drugs, I'm going to choose the latter at least 99 times out of 100.

The big exception there is a recovering alcoholic who has achieved several years of continuous sobriety. Just because I can relate to that much better than the others. And because I know what it takes to remain sober.