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| Topic: Life altering events | |
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I've had two major ones Dragoness. The first involves my middle child, Michael. At 9 days of age, he just wouldn't eat. I didn't think anything about it cuz the 2 year old just got over a stomach bug. Then he started turning gray. We rushed him to the hospital. Driving home that night without my new baby was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Two weeks later he had his first open heart surgery, with two more and a pacemaker implanted by the time he was two. He didn't start walking until he was four. He's now 12, and is also autistic. He doesn't talk and still wears a diaper. He's a beautiful child and I wouldn't trade him for the world. After posting this, I'm gonna add his pic to my profile. The autism has affected our lives more so than the heart condition. My lessons learned deal with how people treat you in public when you are 'different'. Michael is very different in how he acts. You can certainly tell he's not normal. He doesn't care in the LEAST what people think. I don't even notice folks reactions to him anymore, because now I don't care what strangers thing about him -- and that leads to my next story, cuz I don't care what people think about me in public -- now that I'm bald!!! Second life altering event, of which I'm still smack dab in the middle of. Married 15 years - I thought happily, three kids. Diagnosed with BC in March '07, surgeries Apr, May '07. Chemo Jun-Sep '07. On July 5th, I got up in the middle of the night cuz I couldn't sleep and went to his nightstand to get the remote. There was a red phone on the floor. He doesn't have a red phone. I took it to the bathroom and proceeded to get my guts wrenched. I woke him up and confronted him. He sat on the end of the bed and calmly told me he was in love with someone else, he didn't love me anymore but wanted to help me through the cancer. After treatment, he planned to leave to be with her. Mind you, I have three kids at home and still have 4 chemo sessions to get through. My family is 3 to 4 hours away and I'm in a place I've only lived one year, so no close friends. At first I thought I 'needed' him to get through this. It didn't take me long to kick him out. When I did, I told him that no man is gonna live under my roof that doesn't think I'm the BEST thing that EVER happened to him. My lesson on this one -- I'm alot stronger than I ever realized. I made it through those 4 chemo sessions with very little help. I have a great support group in family/friends that really came through for me on the emotional support end of things. I came away from this realizing how blessed I am to have such good friends and a family that would do anything for me. I'm all finished with treatments, and my hair is growing back!! My prognosis is excellent and life is GOOD. I'm happy to hear you're doing so well Dragoness! Even through all of that you sound so positive and alive. You are an inspiration to me 
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So do you! (Sound so alive and positive.)
You inspired me too.
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Edited by
Dragoness
on
Thu 12/06/07 11:25 AM
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11 years ago a full sized chevy Van drove threw the back of my Nissan , luckily it stopped at my head ...... BUT my body is permanently screwed , constant pain , my kids where young , (so was I) I cant play very much any more and when I do I suffer for weeks or months waiting for the pain levels an spasms to subside again ...I'm sort of used to living in pain , try to make the most of it but with the pain comes depression and bitterness sometimes ... my activities are limited ..I cant work ....I was an active hyper mom that still liked to climb trees etc... I was told not to but a lil over four years ago I went against their advise an had another child , ya they where right it set me back , but he is worth the struggle , he's a smart lil kid to , he knows I am weak , he already knows how to use that to his advantage..lol..lil monster... YA ..... it TOTALLY changed my life , my mind has developed though I believe in compensation to the ol bod ...its not fair , but I have to accept it an try to enjoy some quality of life ...oh this is depressing..gonna cry , I was just gonna say a few words an duck out now I made myself all upset takes alot of strength to carry on ...no family single mom..blaaaaaa I did not mean to upset you but you are still grieving your losses, did you know that??? We grieve the lose of playing with our children, walking, eyesight or whatever we lose. You are still grieving and to cry when grieving is okay. The process of grief, if you look it up may help you with the upset feeling you get. I was tested for cognitive changes which MS takes some of that too when it comes and when they started the IQ test, I could tell immediately what I had lost on that account, I started crying and cried throughout the whole testing process, could not stop. I was grieving a loss. I had always been sharp mentally, photographic memory and all. The photographic part is definitely gone but so are other aspects of the intelligence I prized so much. I have grieved it and moved on. I say that like it happened over night but it did not it took me months to grieve it. You are coping well from what I can tell. Just allow yourself the grieving process, there is alot of literature on it and you will handle it better after that. I wish you all the joys life brings to everyone
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awwwwwwww it wasnt you that upset me .....
it was the 89 year old man driving the van ...that wasnt paying attention to traffic........ |
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Dragoness yes i learn my daughter is my immortality, and reasoning for living. As far as the x goes after 6 years, 3 of them hell. Marrage wasn't for me, and neither is love. If I did "love" him then life is trully cruel. If you think this is self pity your mistaken, it took me alot to trust him the way i did and he hurt me.
All i do now is focus on my daughter, my dogs, and cats. I don't hate him, i've moved on, i just learned, as so many have told me i was nieve. and learn from your mistakes, that the gods my daughter was the best mistake i ever made. A small pirce for 6 years i think.
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maraskia, no, I did not think you were feeling sorry for yourself but the bitterness is there. I am not talking about him in that sense.
It seems to me you have some pent up anger still there and anger is not a healthy emotion if it hangs around too long. I was just wondering if you found the strength to realize you did the best with what you were given to do????? Realizing you cannot control another even through love, you must give them the freedom to make choices even if you feel your choice would be better for them????? And last of all forgive him and yourself for the mistakes made and move forward with love???? Love yourself enough to say I wish him all the joys life can give and I will pursue my own good life without him??? I really wish this much love and good wishes on you. You sound like you have struggled and suffered but you are the only one who can stop the suffering within yourself. I hope I have helped you some
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Yes, after I met the future man of my dreams on one of these sites, he fell and broke his leg 2 weeks ago!!! WHAT LUCK!
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I want to thank you all for responding.
It is difficult to bring these issues out and discuss them, I know this. I was just trying to share mine and see others who have chosen to live over waiting to die. You are all so special and your being here brings meaning to me and I want you to know that
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realty, sorry to hear that
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Edited by
doesnt_play_well
on
Thu 12/06/07 12:56 PM
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OK this is why i am the way i am
Eight days before I was born my parents married. They married because of me. My dad never wanted to be stuck in that kind of a relationship so he abused me. A few days after being home from the hospital after being born he choked me almost to death....shook me as you should never do to a child. My parents eventually divorced and my mother and father both remarried.(he did so twice.) But every other weekend I was forced to see my dad. the athorities said if i didnt my mother would go to jail. So i went. Enduring s much pain from being hit and lifted feet of the ground by my hair(the reason I have short hair) bikes thrown at me....i couldnt do it anymore....i turned 18 on the 10th of feburary 2007 and after 18 solid years of abuse i confronted my dad. what I learned was how to stand up to people. People always call me gay or say I look like a guy without even knowing me. They dont get a chance to. I cant bring myself to grow out my hair and ill never be able to. But thats who i am. I learned that no matter what anyone says if im happy that all that matters to me. If i can wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say that myself and God know im not gay or a guy then i can move on. All i ever wanted out of life was a father and to this day he mentally abuses me making me think it was all my fault....plus I deal with people on my case about how i look, but to the world: i am whi i am. accept me or dont. i never saw you having to eat food being shoved down your throat by a man trying to kill you. Im ok though. all in all i know now that no one can judge me but God and im happy. |
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Hi Dragoness: 15-1/2 yrs ago I decided it was time to get sober. After spending the weekend in jail I decided it was time for me to clean-up. So that night (after being released), I checked into a detox and they refused to take me because I HAD MEDICAL INSURANCE at the time (go figure). Right in front of the director and my friends I went into an alcoholic seizure and they had no choice -- my friends threatened them with a law suit if they didn't take me. So they took me, detoxed me,
and sent me home 4 days later. I was on a destructive road and just didn't care anymore; on top of it all I'm diabetic too. God in His infinite wisdom decided the gift of sobriety was something I needed. With the help of God I've been sober ever since April 1, 1992.  
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play, abuse carries alot of scars, they go deep. If you said you confronted him and told him of the pain you feel from the abuse, that is all you can do about it. Just make sure you are not haboring the hatred he showed you, toward yourself. Children tend to take the blame inside themselves for the mistakes of the parent. He may not know what he does is wrong because of the way he was raised or mental illness. You cannot take into yourself his illness and blame yourself.
Girls who are abused usually do take on a boyish demeanor, it is a form of self protection at some level. Sexually abused girls do this same thing and try to make themselves as unfeminine as possible to protect themselves. Even weight gain has been attributed to this. I know it may sound crazy but have you forgiven him???? I am not saying in anyway to put yourself in harms way and hang out with him but in your mind have you forgiven him??? This is the first step to self healing. To forgive the crime is the first step and to not hold onto your anger, bitterness, resentment, pain, etc.... any negative emotions are hurtful to your inner self. I would recommend a counselor to help you work through those things. Just think of it this way a counselor will help the journey of self healing and self love along. It does not mean something is wrong with you or you are bad. We all need guidance in this journey called life and counselors help find the path that is all. I hope this has helped you. I wish you much healing and forgiveness
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Thanks, Dragoness!! He is outta commission for 6-8 weeks. Total bummer
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Hi Dragoness: 15-1/2 yrs ago I decided it was time to get sober. After spending the weekend in jail I decided it was time for me to clean-up. So that night (after being released), I checked into a detox and they refused to take me because I HAD MEDICAL INSURANCE at the time (go figure). Right in front of the director and my friends I went into an alcoholic seizure and they had no choice -- my friends threatened them with a law suit if they didn't take me. So they took me, detoxed me, and sent me home 4 days later. I was on a destructive road and just didn't care anymore; on top of it all I'm diabetic too. God in His infinite wisdom decided the gift of sobriety was something I needed. With the help of God I've been sober ever since April 1, 1992. twitch I commend you and congratulate you for choosing life over a slow long painful trek to death. You and the many others who succeed at this task are and should be the life counselors for many. Self medication is a very big problem with humans who are drowning their pain in whatever drug they are using to dull it out. But the strong ones choose to live life with all of it's ups and downs without the self medication and it is one of the hardest choices to make. You inspire me
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forgiven for the first time, but not forgotten!
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Edited by
maraskia74
on
Thu 12/06/07 09:38 PM
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Dragoness
everyone struggles, life is not perfect nor shall it be. Some will suffer physical pain, some mental, some both. You are right we each have to forgive our selves at some point. I 'll admit iam bitter, most hurt but bitter lol. You are the first person to tell me you can't help those who don't want it. I don't hate him, but I can't forgive him for the things he said and did to cause the seperation. (there were problems other that just his health)i trusted him completely. we are both working on being friends and there for our daughter. Eventually i will see the light, i may not trust but i have hope. And yes you have helped several people on here have been through more than i ever will, all i can say its the little things in life that make it worth living. I can honesty say i well cherish the moment my daughter "mooned" her grandmother in the picture window, and the look on her face when i told my mother i taught her that. Sometimes it nice to be 3. She was shocked but laughted. my point is sometime you need to do things just cauze you can. and if nothing else teach your child a completely useless skill. hugs to everyone and thanks for sharing |
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Love & Light to you all,,,
13 years ago i was diagnosed with a brain tumor and found out at that moment i was 4 months pregnant with my son Daniel, THe doctors wanted me to abort my preg and have surgery right away At that moment no hesitation I said no I will carry my son full term and then only then have surgery,, I was given a 30% surival rate and was then told that my son would and could be born with abnormalties,,, My son was carried 10 months and is the most amazing child One could ever come to cross paths with in life, he has a soul like no others his glow his love for life and all around him amazes me daily,,, We have a bond that is quite incredible,, he is my life, my hope my reason for living my reason for not giving up,, he is my world,,, I spent a year in rehab learning to walk, talk and live life again I an deaf in one ear and partially blind in one eye,, Yet I am humbled by the beauty of life and every breath I take I take it knowing Angels guided the doctors and held my soul in thier hands,,, Life how incredible it truely is... |
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Summer breeze in the air
May 20th brought me tears In my heart I knew this was right My fight for life with you inside Tumors spreading worry set in Will my Son see my Love Will he share his smile and grace Shine his Soul upon this place Prayers were answered Joy prevailed Upon my Heart, Love bestowed Hair so Brown Eyes so pure Little hands to hold the world 13 years with you my Son Blessings sent from the Heavens above Side by Side we walk in like Hand in Hand we learned to fly Our road of life not like the rest We simply did our best I’ve watched you grow And fall at times Proudly looking on at times Witty, charming,, kind and Loving Simple words just a part of you Compassion, giving,, strong and weak Your Soul my son for I have seen Our life together How blessed am I To have an Angel as my Son As we step forward A quest in hand Remember these words please my Son My Love for you is endless Our Love will carry us through My son you are my Angel Sent from the Heaven’s above Daniel I love you,, as we get ready to move,, Just Remember no matter what life throws at us ,,, You & I Hand in hand, have climbed many Mountains together Weathered many storms,, I am so proud of you ,, I am Blessed each day with your beauty, your light and your Love… I Love you Pops Love Mom |
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We live or die in our hearts first. This is so true. |
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