A good long lasting relationship is not built on good sex.
Mutual respect for one is very important.

I'm not referring to just Dating but serious relationship.

Comments ?

hazzz

From the stats( divorce rates) I read maybe we should try just going for sex.

I agree, from the people Ive known in my life that has great relationship as in long term.

They've said there is a mutual admiration and respect.
they understand conflict resolution
A deep connection and they share the same core values and of course good sex is a bonus.

They realize Relationships are hard work and no unrealistic expectation and with the right person that relationship is a journey of endless possibilities.

True but sex is always a plus and a great sense of humour

A good relationship isn't really "built" at all.
It grows organically by (each person) getting out of your own way, facing your own fears realistically, learning to communicate, being honest with what you really want, and accepting the struggles the other person has with that.

"Built" implies you have absolute control over every component, going exactly where you want it to go, and it does everything you want it to do, a known quality that you control.

A good long lasting relationship only comes from "good" people that are capable of being in a "long lasting" relationship, or the relationship offers adaptable/evolvabe mutual benefits that are valued more than any alternatives.


That's kinda vague.
Is the same level of mutual respect necessary at the beginning of the relationship as at the end/death/after 50 years, for the exact same things?
Is there room for varying degrees of respect depending on strengths and weaknesses?
Is mutual respect seen as an absolute, either there or not, without any degrees, without any change, without any learning, without any vacillations, ebbing, flowing, growth?

What happens if there is mutual respect for things that one or both people don't respect about themselves?
What happens if there is mutual respect, but neither really understands how the other is communicating their respect for the other, or a style of communication has been used in the past by ex's or family or society to communicate disrespect?
What happens when demand for respect for the individual is in direct odds with respect for the relationship or self respect?

On the scale of importance with "mutual respect" being "very important," where lies tolerance? acceptance?
How many things are there that are "very important" and which things, exactly/specifically, are "important," or, "kinda important," or, "sort of important but not like very important, and just below kinda important, but still important?"


Other than that:
It can be. Depends on what's driving each person, depends on each person. Depends on a lot of things. You don't even really define what "good" means, or how long "long lasting" actually is.

Sex isn't solely mindless gratification.
It's primarily indirect communication, everything that leads up to it, all the way to and through the act of it, and the behavior afterwards.
Just a crap ton of indirect communication that is extremely important.

You know those awkward feelings and actions after sex?
Those are prime opportunities to drag the indirect to the direct.
If you can actually do that, if the both of you are willing to directly communicate what you understand and how you're feeling, there's a good chance there is enough compatibility for "a good long lasting relationship," even though based on sex.

But if both people are just kinda awkward, then run away from the awkwardness, then avoid each other, then rationalize the experience, then most likely it can't.

hi

Interesting reply! While reading this, the first thing I thought, was no one is perfect to do Everything right in a relationship.

I do agree that a relationship grows! Maybe built was poor choice of words.

I like how you break things down and pull it all apart to make people think or just confuse them!

Yes, mutual respect is important, so is a healthy sex life.
Trust is also important, so is physical attraction
Communication is of the utmost importance, more so than respect even, so is the ability to be intimate, cuddle, touch, be close


I don't really understand why so many people these days try to diminish -or fail to understand?- the importance of sex. Both sex and making love.
Without it a relationship falls apart, leaves you with a 'brother & sister' dynamic.

Maybe this tendency comes from the group of people who are sex-obsessed, and maybe media that used to (still does?) rip the meaning of sex/intimacy out of context.

But... none of that make sex and intimacy and love-making any less important in a healthy relationship.
I find it weird that people cannot grasp that, but alas...

Don't get too into the person until you mreet in person for first time. Leave sex for future.!

That is a good thought ... but after being married for thirty yrs...
now divorced ... I do think loving someone ... and staying in love for many yrs ... works ... once this seems to be lost ... that is when the relationship does not work ... love has a lot to do in our life's...

sex doesn't have to happen right away to make a relationship but it won't wait forever either. If sex leaves the relationship, the relationship usually will not survive!

Yes good sex is a plus but you also have to be each other's best friend. You know when your having a bad day or your just upset about something you can go to them and talk to them about it you don't have to call a girlfriend up and vent you can vent or discuss the situation with them. a woman loves a good listener not someone that you say a few sentences and he is talking about his stuff and done forgot what the whole topic was about no we don't like that. You do have to have respect very much so if you don't start out having respect for each other in your relationship you can hang it up cause no respect leads to affairs.

blondecsm

you nailed it !!

A plus ? You mean a must. A Minnesota ordinance declares a woman has obligations to her husband in this regard.

Respect? Has nothing to do with a lasting relationship. It's congruence that binds us and everything else follows i.e. respect communication and all that jazz