my 20 year old daughter is in college pays no rent and acts like the boss, I always told her as long as you r in school I will take care of you,
she keeps saying I do not love her because as of recently I cannot take the disrespect she shows, she called me a name last night and said all I care about is myself,
how do u overcome the guilt of wanting your adult child to MOVE!!

Write her a letter, explain your side of things.
Stay in "I" terms & just facts.
If she is in college, she can work parttime; some even full time.
Sounds like she needs to realize how life really is.
Up to you to explain it & get thru to her.

I handled things with my son; talking to him as an adult.
Kids are way smarter than we were at that age.
They grow up quicker, TREAT her as an adult.
She is one.

Wish I had a definitive answer for ya, I was divorced when my kids moved out of the house, but she told the kids either pay rent or move, so my daughter went to college and my son joined the army!!

walk around naked while they're eating,that'll get her out

Old sage has it right..talk to her but dont feel guilty or should i say dont let her make you feel guilty..things change and so do circumstances..you told her you would take care of her probly at a time when things were different.

I wish I could help you, but I'm not a parent. Sit down and talk to her, tell her how you feel.

Tell her since she feels sooooo grown that she doesn't have to respect you in your house that you are going to start charging her rent, you save the money she gives you for the rent and help her get into some form of cheap housing, maybe at the college.

Or just tell her since she doesn't have to respect you in your house she has to go. Maybe she already has a friend that she can stay with.

This form of disrespect usually comes from you doing too much for her. Think about all you do for her and stop doing it. They do not appreciate it until it is gone.

Hope those help

I think you should charge her rent as Dragoness said. I have no children, but I did have a family that when I got my first job (in my teens) requested that I give them $25-$50 per check for "rent and upkeep" and I thought it was unfair at best. Almost 20 years later I understand that it was a lesson of responsability.

Guilt is transitional, but if you wanted your child out you would tell her to "GET OUT". I think if she was more respectful of you, that the entire outlook on everything would change. If not, tell her you love her, give her a deadline to save money, and let the deed be done. If she has no job to get the money.... Well I think it's time to find one.

I think at the very least some ground rules of the house need to be set.

Here, I'll start you off with the first one.

1) This is my home and you will not disrespect me in my home. If you do not like that, it's time for you to find a home with like minded people such as yourself that will accept the verbal abuse. I will not.

I hope that helps goddesss.

actually I told her she needs to pay rent or move, she said "f u' and says call the cops and than I will move, than proceeds to say, she will NEVER speak to me again,
tough subject, I think today is 'call her father day'lol

I really don't have an answer for you. In wish I did have an answer for you.

look just think about how she treats you, if it were me that would make me want them to move out, heck from what you've described I'd get a withystraining order out against her. you have to be cruel to be kind, make her grasp independences

Then I think the real question is "How far are you willing to go?"

BTW: I do think she will not speak to you for a time. How long? Who knows.

The question is:

Can you live with things as they are now?

Another is:

Can you be held hostage in your own house by your daughter?

Just a thought.

Hey there, I moved out of my house when I was 16. I had to get emancipated it was that rough between my mom and I. Rent will always be an issue for younger adults as we mostly want to spend our money on crap we don't need. But, asking her or demanding are things that just want work. Asking requires her to be polite and nice, (which I am assuming doesnt work anyway) and demanding just makes her that much more mad. Meeting her at a center point of agreeableness is what you may want to think about. That does not mean telling them to move out constantly. Doing so may give the impression that you do not love them and want these kids out of your life. Instead, mention that you expect your kids to move out when they are an adult. (Like most people her age.) You can also place a limit on their age when it comes to being able to live at home. This can be 18, 21 or 25 years of age. Up to you really. The decision should be based on your values, beliefs and what you think is appropriate. Since you have a child in college, it may be best to wait until he or she graduates. In this case, age may not be a factor. Setting a date is one way to get kids to move out. Sometimes you may want to go the extra mile and help her find a place to live. Meaning casually throw ideas about a cheap apparent you saw, do some research. Your kids are not going to automatically have the ability to plan moving on their own. One way to get kids to move out is by helping them find a place to live. This can be very beneficial for you as well. Parents always want to make sure that their kids are safe. You can help your kids find a clean and safe place to live versus somewhere that is not kept up well. I hope I have been some help.
-Mike

You could just move your stuff in my house since i live by myself.. and let her pay rent at the house.. that'll really freak her out, you stayin with someone her age.. niceeeee

She's a big girl and if she doesn't like how you do things then it is time for her to go. It is your home and you haven't busted your butt for 20 years raising her just to have her run your home. That's just my opinion.

Tell her to find another place to live, because you're tired of her disrespect. It would be the best thing you can do for her.

if she acts like a ten year old treat her like a ten year old

you said you would take care of her as long as she was in school

tell her as long as you are taking care of her she will listen

and show respect if she breaks these rules punishments will

be applied the first being the changing of the locks

and if she wants in she will need to be in by the curfew you set

second is lock up something she uses

and so on and so forth

it is your house you are paying the bills

if she wants to be taken care of like a child

then she needs to be treated like a child

So your cute little muffin that seemed just yesterday was singing in the christmas play has now grown up into a blossoming young college woman who swears like a sailor? Hmmmmmm. Tough love. Pack her stuff, cry some tears, help her move. She's a big girl now. She tells you that all the time, don't she? BOOT HER OUT. Unless you like being a doormat. You can thank me later.

Jtevans...



goddess110.. i think that you should sit down and have an honest heart to heart talk with her often times we find ourselves caught up in the moment and the wrong things are said..

I have no point of reference here. I'm not a Mother. I left home very early... All I can say that is even remotely connected is about my relationship with my Mother. So take what I say with a grain of salt.

I tested my Mom on that level at age 10 or 11... She made sure to make my life as miserable as I made hers. In a loving and caring way of course. Again at age 14... at which time, I was most of the way out the door anyway. Having learned some from the previous time.. I did not push, but did not back down either. We agreed to disagree. I know.. that if I pushed, regardless of my age... She would have pushed back. If I kept pushing... I would eventually have worked myself to the opposite side of the front door with no key.

Like I said.. I left of my own accord soon after. Not because of my Mom though.

If I ever treated my Mother like that, even to this day... standing a foot taller and outweighing her by at least 50 pounds.. She'd find a way to make me rethink my stance. I'm not thinking my Mother is unique amongst Mothers.. Motherhood in it's very nature can cause women to be pretty crafty in a loving and caring way. Any child who disrespects that..eventually will get a lesson of a lifetime, when Mom is pushed to far. Apparently you aren't there yet.